Teen stepdaughter vent

Forums:

Hi everyone

I'm step mother to a 14 year old, bio mom to a 5 yr old and another on the way.
I have been with my husband for 10 years!

So, I just wanted to quickly vent (hope that's ok) before I approach my husband about a few issues regarding my stepdaughter.

Basically she's a mouthy entitled teen at the moment, to the point where I can't stand her. Having just said that, strangely as it might sound, we do get along! Most of the time...... But my threshold is getting less with her attitude. I feel like we're going to have a falling out soon if something isn't said.

So to describe my stepdaughter she's is generally sweet kid, we have a laugh, joke around, have chats but my DH and I are concerned that she is being led in the wrong direction by her Mother (BM). Our world views clash - to cut to the base SD's mother is obsessed with the Kardashians, driving BMW, Mercedes or Range Rovers (used), trying to mimic this Hollywood lifestyle she craves and now my SD is exactly like that. She is a mini Kylie Jenner wannabe, sadly. My DH and I are educated professionals, and we clash massively with BM and her ideals. Basically my stepdaughter has been caking makeup on since age 12 and dresses provocatively - knee high boots with high heels on them, all sorts of "clubbing" heels, extremely long point nails, currently begging for naval piercing, exposes her belly with every top, sexual poses of her body in revealing clothes which she posts on Instagram, on one occasion she posed in a sexually suggestive manner with another girl in revealing clothes, with a bottle of opened alcohol in the background which she swore was not hers :-/. She is obsessed with reality tv, talks about how she doesn't have to worry about things like how she will acquire material items such as her (allegedly future) "Merc" or "Range Rover" because her mother is well off because the stepdad earns "so much money". Of course who my stepdaughter has become would not have been possible without her mothers help: she buys her all of her clothes, they shop at the same stores etc, BM texts us constantly about DH giving permission to pierce SD's naval; they both are selfie addicts and proponents of the dreaded duck face. I disapprove so much about her clothing and the way she presents herself. So does DH. tonadd the cherry on this layered cake, my SD also makes gross political comments which have OBVIOUSLY been spoon fed to her, just to paraphrase my favourite of her 'ideas' : "poor people are lazy" so basically BM has turned my SD into a tacky tart. I try to engage my stepdaughter about going to university and she shuts me down so I don't know anymore. We've lost her.

The worst is that my husband refuses to speak to BM about her attitude and sense of fashion because it will only fall on deaf ears (I have no doubt it would!) but it seems worth a shot?! If only as her damn Father to demand that she dresses decently for her own good and safety! (I have heard men grunt at her when we are in the street ugh!)

I dunno what to do or why this should even bother me, if she is not my daughter then is this really my problem to fret over. Apart from the rude remarks of course.

Why to do?

*What to do

" The worst is that my

" The worst is that my husband refuses to speak to BM about her attitude and sense of fashion because it will only fall on deaf ears (I have no doubt it would!) but it seems worth a shot?! If only as her damn Father to demand that she dresses decently for her own good and safety!"

If the mother is happily encouraging and enabling the dress and behavior the 'talk' will fall on deaf ears. Plus BM will be offensively defensive. After all, BM has created what she views as the perfect little 'me'.

Husband can control the clothing on his time. The two of you can thrive to put forth positive roll models and talk to SD about importance of safety, higher education, self respect blah blah. What will not 'work' however is trying to control BM's house or pointing out BM's shallow low moral high materialistic ways.

Sad but true.

I think her stepdad is head

I think her stepdad is head of customer service for a large company. We're talking about a small town where a good salary can appear to be much more than it appears and goes a long way, whereas we live in the city. She has openly compared our life styles with her small town one. It's just one of the incredibly insulting things she has done in my home.

Well employers definitely

Well employers definitely have the luxury of asking for top qualifications but stepdad is not degree educated. He worked his way up. So he is one of the lucky ones? My fear anyhow is that my SD becomes so entitled that she opts out of higher education thinking all 4 of us will fund her lifestyle.

She would only believe " all

She would only believe " all 4 of us will fund her lifestyle" if "all 4 of us" are currently overindulging her now. Right? I was under the impression that only BM/SF were encouraging/enabling the me, me, me attitude and behavior.

I don't think so

i disagree. They are not

i disagree. They are not suitable role models for my children. Neither the mother who sells her daughters off as sexual objects, neither the sisters who have sex tapes or all they care about is heir looks and money, neither their father who protected a murderer. The kardashians are no role models and now thanks to my stepdaughters mother elevating these twits to some higher level and model for life, my stepdaughter thinks it's ok to sexualise herself at 13 and 14 years of age and note she doesn't intend on placing any attention on education in her life. The only smart thing you seem to believe that the kardashiand have done to get their "shiznit" together, whatever that means, is to do just about anything for big money, which they only ever had the opportunity to source because of who they knew and not based on what they have contributed to the world.

"and now thanks to my

"and now thanks to my stepdaughters mother elevating these twits to some higher level and model for life, my stepdaughter thinks it's ok to sexualise herself at 13 and 14 years of age and note she doesn't intend on placing any attention on education in her life."

Funny how BM gets all the blame for this.

What heck was that girl's father doing all these years??? One would think a child with parents who are polar opposites, would have figured out that there are one set rules at mom's house and another set at dad's. If that lesson had been taught, then you wouldn't have to deal with her dressing that way because she would know that dad would give her pure hell if he caught her dressing like a slut.

She dresses/behaves this was with both parents because somewhere along the line she got green light from both parents that it was OK. BM clearly has made it known that she's OK with it. If dad didn’t' take steps to deal with HARSHLY EACH AND EVERY TIME it came up in his home, then he shares the blame for what the two of them created.

i disagree. They are not

Kris Jenner is no fool , but

Kris Jenner is no fool , but she is shallow and despicable in the way she has manufactured her children for profit - especially the baby Kylie who is now unrecognisable due to all the plastic surgery she's had. Anyway this really isn't about the kardashians. It's about my stepdaughter and the despicable things she repeats and dare I say actually believes, the way she portrays herself and who she will be influenced to become during these crucial years of maturing. This is what worries me.

You are here