Can you enjoy yourself?

Forums:

I went to my MILs surprise birthday party tonight because I had to. I was dreading this all week. Would MIL say something mean to me (of course not, this was a very special day for her and I was not really on her radar), would SS10 behave like a maniac (no, in fact he didn't feel good, and I was able to help him feel better), would my kids act like maniacs (well, one of them kind of did, but it was ok as others did too and the grownups enjoyed the fun), would DH and I have an argument (almost because I was so on edge) would my MIL count how many glesses of wine I had (yes, I think she did... and I had 2).

The point I'm making is that we went to a special restaurant, with great food, my DH was sweet, we saw great friends, my kids and skids were great and looked very cute with their new haircuts and nice clothes, but I just could not have a good time.

I feel like a rat in some research lab who's been poked so many times that I'm just waiting for the next poke. Does that make sense to anyone?

I'm concerned that I'm missing out on my own life. I'm really trying hard to enjoy my bio kids while they are still kids. I'm trying very hard to enjoy my wonderful DH, but my experience is completely tainted by all the past stressors and hurts.

Has anyone been able to somehow enjoy their life while all the negative stuff with BM, MIL and SKIDs is happening? If so, how do you do it?

It's hard to enjoy yourself

It's hard to enjoy yourself when you feel you are constantly under scruinity.

I think you need to reset yourself completely. I feel like you want to please everyone and have everything perfect that it has you on edge.
I would suggest you take a mini break by yourself- find a babysitter for your kids and go on a bit of a mini retreat by yourself - you can go to a spa if you like those and have the money or just to a quiet B and B in country or pitch a tent somewhere - just go away somewhere quiet and take time away from feeling the need to be perfect and scrutinised

Then when you come back take a giant step back from all of DH baggage. Ignore MIL comments or tell her to her face ' that's not appropriate please do not speak to me like that' , listen politely if DH need to tell you something about BM but otherwise have no dealings with her unless necessary. Do only as much for SK as they and your partner are grateful for.

I had a lot of trouble with this too- I wanted to wade in and do stuff and fix things for my DH but I ended up so miserable it brought us to the point of break up. I read the book boundaries by Henry cloud and it helped me put a lot of people back in their box so they don't effect me anymore.

And do the things that make you happy- take your kids to the park , go for walk with husband AND have the extra glass of wine and the desert cocktails if you want them! Screw all the judgemental twats ! Stop letting the
ruin your fun!