New and need any advice...going nuts
Eight years ago my ss was removed from the home due to his extremely aggressive and violent behavior. He has been diagnosed with PTSD,ADHD,ODD,low IQ which borders on retardation (I hate that word but that's what the diagnosis is)and a few other diagnosis. My DH and I have an 8 year old son together and I have a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My SS was considered a threat to the other children. He has spent time in residential treatment places which seem to provide the stability and structure he needs. The last time he was taking out of the treatment center and he threatened suicide and took a knife and started running around the neighborhood. The cops were called and he was placed in the residential home where he currently resides. This was 6 months ago. My mother's intuition tells me to keep my children away from him. When he is on a visit I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me NOT to let him be alone around my children. My SS is 17 years old. It has been determined he will need to live in an adult home when he turns 18. He will be unable to function without help. A few weeks ago,those involved determined it was time for him to return to our home. I had made it clear a long time ago that if he returns home,I will move my children out of the house. I need to protect my children. I feel like my children are being treated as collateral damage. I am not sure why the sudden push to get my SS in the home when he will be 18 soon. All I know is that I will protect my children from him. I have seen the worst from this kid. I have seen the evil in his eyes. I have seen the fear on my children's face when he had an episode. Please give me any advice. This is tearing me up inside.
No way would I let him in my
No way would I let him in my home either.
Listen to your gut, you know it's telling you what you need to know.
I see no reason for you to take your children and go somewhere. That would disrupt them and their lives.
When you say come to your home, do you mean for a visit? Are they wanting him to come to your home in the hopes that he'll be able to start some sort of regular visitation? Or are they expecting that he'll eventually come live with you?
And who exactly are THEY? Who is it that has determined that he needs to come to your home?
I would stand my ground and say no. No to visitation, no to having him in your house at all.
A few weeks ago,those
A few weeks ago,those involved determined it was time for him to return to our home.
Why would they think this would be okay? He obviously should not be out of the controlled environment of the home he's in and he certainly shouldn't be around children.
You husband needs to find out why they are pushing this and he needs to push back, there has got to be another alternative than your home.
Is there a BM? I don't see
Is there a BM? I don't see where a BM was mentioned by OP.
Put your foot down, as a mom
Put your foot down, as a mom and a human being who values her safety. He's not going to be under the same roof as you and your kids. End of conversation. Your DH can take any action he deems fit as long as it's not you and your kids living with him. This poor boy, sounds like he has some serious, unmanageable problems. But when I myself became a mother, I realized my first order of business was to be a barrier between my kids and people/ situations that could harm them. Sounds like you're the same. God bless.
Protect your children. SS17
Protect your children. SS17 is the responsibility of DH and BM. DH should look at an extended stay hotel or apt for the two of them if he is unable to find another option.
Can you get a restraining order to give you greater protection? Sorry that you're facing this
"It has been determined he
"It has been determined he will need to live in an adult home when he turns 18. He will be unable to function without help. A few weeks ago, those involved determined it was time for him to return to our home"
How contradictive. Or is it a matter of needing proof of non-ability to function to move SS from the juvenile system to the adult system?
I'm not sure what Dad will have to do or the process, but one thing is very clear. This SS can not return to the home where you and the children are . Stay strong and rock solid on this one.
6 mos ago he ran around the
6 mos ago he ran around the neighborhood with a knife and now authorities will place him in a home with minor children ? Sorry this story is bullshit .
Sorry u feel that this is a
Sorry u feel that this is a bs story but its the truth. You would think that his past actions would be proof enough not to put him back in the home. Thats what does not make sense. Why now? Nothing about the situation adds up.
You know that he can't come
You know that he can't come "home" and live with you and younger children. The other children should not be put at risk. If need be DH can live separately with him for a year until he turns 18. Is there a relative that would be willing to take him on if you pay maintenance?
Find a lawyer that deals with
Find a lawyer that deals with disabled rights, get a consultation and find out what can legally be done.
SS is 17. If he needs a group home adult placement does he need a legal guardian? In your state how is that done?
What are SS's options at 18? Has dad been apprised of them? Were you told them by dad or were you at the meeting to hear them? What options were presented for now? Did dad object to SS moving home or did he acquiesce? What is the procedure if dad (and you) feel the recommendation is not in SS's best interest? How can the decision be appealed?
You need someone who knows the ins and outs of the system to guide dad and you through it.
You don't need any advice.
You don't need any advice. You already know what to do and you are absolutely right about your decision. He is dangerous, he is a threat not only to your children, but to any human being. If your husband doesn't agree, let them two stay together, but get out and get the kids out. There is absolutely no way I would let my kids near such person and I would make sure my kids never ever see that guy. You are not crazy. You are a smart, responsible woman, and a good mother