Thanks for the update. I think your hubby is handling it the best that he can, given the situation, which NOBODY knows better than you.

Blending a family is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's is very complicated. I had to learn the hard way that SD should not take presents back and forth. When we lived near BM, we got SD a computer. Within 2 months BM sold it and kept the money. I was shocked to say the least. And BM has taken money from SD that we or other family members gave her. So I get it.

I really hope both you and your hubby give SS a big hug and say sorry. It's not his fault his life is like this, however he is the one paying. As dose my SD.

Happy New Years.

This is a mess and it's one that SS will not forget.
Both DH and you and BM contributed but since DH and you started this particular mess, you will get the blame.

Consider putting SS into counseling as it may be helpful for him in dealing with this. Doing some family counseling may be helpful for your family in going forward.

Thanks for the update.
I know lots of the posts on here have been harsh but I do hope you understand that most of us just wanted you to realize that this is about more than a gaming system.
It's about the trust this 11 year old has in his Dad and you.

"Then she says she will use the 200 dollars to buy ss some clothes instead. Therefore hubby does not want to send ss with that cash because bm will just use it for stuff that child support is for (we pay child support even though it’s 50/50 custody because of her lies). And after the stunt she pulled several months ago, he’ll be damned if his money will be used to buy stuff for her house. Now do you see why hubby refuses to give her anything extra?"

This says to me that it's more important that BM get the point that she isn't entitled to anything extra, than SS getting a gift that he helped pay for.

Your DH is proving that his hatred of his exwife is stronger than his love for his son.

IF this was really about his son, he would have let the game go to her house. So what if he's paid for something that SS will enjoy at BMs house, it's about SS having the gift that he helped buy.

I still like the idea of the 200.00 be a gift certificate from the gaming store. My son would love that! 200 in games is awesome. OP, have you and DH talked about that?

Figured I'd chime in, I think your solution is fair and support you 100%. Ignore the people who feel the need to troll this thread and cut you down.. We don't know the whole situation or back story. I find it crazy how people are so quick to judge with so little information. Hope it all works out!

Wow I had a lot of catching up to do!

If you sign up that PS4 for the online portion and purchase/download games ...DO NOT save your credit card information on it. SS14 ran up BM's credit card $6,000 bucks over the summer. But I think she's a certain kind of special that would trust her son with her credit card. Just my usual public service announcement when I read anything on here about PS4/Xbox stuff.

Now with all this PS4 talk I really want to go over the my brothers house and play Star Wars Batttlefront lol

I re-read this and now I am getting hung up on the bike share. Two kids - one bike. One kid there full time - who earned the bike. The other kid -50% - who gets to share.

Exactly how do you share a bike? Only one kid can ride at a time. If bs and as are friends, as is said at the top of this thread, they should be able to ride together. Not one kid watching while the other kid rides. Maybe part of ss makeup present should be a bike that he can ride.

If both kids were yours they would each have their own bike.

OP, there seems to be a handful of posters here that have unresolved issues from childhood. Someone smashed their sandcastle and they are still p*ssed, just ignore them. I applaud you and DH for actually parenting your sons and coming to a livable solution for the entire family. Blending is never easy and often it just doesn't happen. You'll all make mistakes but it sounds like you and DH are on the same page and willing to work things through. The boys need a strong parental front. They don't call the shots and neither does BM.

I understand the "what's bought here stays here" rule. Expensive items going back and forth between divorced homes when the kids are minors usually does not work. I made that mistake years ago in the co-parenting journey only to have exH using and downloading his own music onto an ipod I bought my son. Gift cards, money and anything exH could intercept and use for himself he would. Guess he felt that he deserved it since he paid child support.

Best of luck "blending" in the new year!

ps. Don't feed the trolls.

Could it be that he just thought it was going to be his. Paid for and gifted. His own to do with as his wanted. Makes sense. What didn't make sense was SM buying her son a game for something that isn't his. Trying to blame BM, that doesn't work either. Enforced sharing, just going to lead to major resentment.

It's not fair. No amount of spinning is going to change that. BM is the one telling the story, this is the result of what she considers her version. Get the kid another game system and apologize for screwing with his head. Maybe you'll have learned a lesson from all of this. That kid surely did.

Oh my goshhh, the child centric bullcrap needs to just stop. This kid is getting everything that he wants.. and MORE!

This kid knew the rules from the get go about items not going to BM's. It is the CHILD'S fault for making assumptions, when he already knew the rules. Dad put in more than half of HIS own money, so dad gets half say so. The child moaned and complained that he wouldn't be able to take this PS4 to BM's knowing darn well what the rule was. (when he should've been grateful he got one at all!!) So Dad, being a spineless, no ball having, manbaby, didn't want to hurt this little child's fee fees, said he would give the child his money back, buy him $200 worth of more gifts, AND still allow SS to control who plays on the PS4. So it is still technically SS's gift. He gets back his hard earned money, gets to keep the PS4 that he wanted, use his hard earned money to buy ANOTHER big gift, while his father is also getting him $200 worth of more gifts. While OP's son gets stuck with a measly one game for the PS4. I think we can all see who gets worshipped in this household. Although I do agree it was wrong of OP to give her son a gift for someone else's present. If anything, her son is the one that got screwed over here.

So what if OP's son gets to play on it for ONE HOUR, ONE DAY a week? SS gets to ride the BS's bike that BS paid for ALL BY HIMSELF. While SS has no money towards this PS4 because he's getting his money back. This is something all kids need to be raised doing, forced to share. No wonder kids are entitled little brats these days.

Dad has every right not to send that $200 with SS. But that doesn't mean he's controlling what SS gets to spend it on. SS can still spend that money while he's at dad's house. He doesn't have to take it to BM's house. BM also has NO say so on how that $200 is spent. It's Christmas money for SS. BM knew the rules that were implemented; no items exchanged between households. She also enforced that rule herself. So it is her fault that she bought gifts to go with the PS4. That doesn't make sense, since SS can't use those accessories because he can't take them to dad's nor can the PS4 go to BM's. The gifts are pointless and she "ruined" his Christmas even more than Dad by giving him useless gifts. And to have the gall to ask for $100 MORE! Disgusting.

In the end, this kid is a spoiled little brat that is getting everything that he wants and more. A PS4 (that he still gets to control who uses it as if it were completely his own), his money back to spend on ANOTHER big gift, an extra $200!! Somebody needs to teach this kid to be grateful.

The boys are both still a bit young but very soon they will assert themselves more. This is when there will be major issues with forced sharing.

I still think it was a BIG mistake to take SS's Xmas gift back from him. This is what he really wanted and contributed his own $$ for.

The SS has very little control over his life now - shuffling back and forth between 2 homes is hard for kids. This gaming system is something he wanted to take charge of and control. It is symbolic in some ways.

Both boys are 11

What a fuss.

1. Remind BS that he is a child and not the parent, rules are made by and enforced by parents, not children.

2. Have DH apologize to SS for the upset and confusion.

3. PS4 stays with you, BS can play it *only* when SS is there and gives permission.
NB: Just like BS's bike. SS can *only* ride it when BS is there and gives permission. If he doesn't give permission, you can force sharing... but only if BS is there, right? So you can force SS to share his PS4, only if he is there to be forced.

4. None of this nonsense of involving BM or cash exchanges or new presents. Too bad that SS counted on the PS4 going back and forth. Obviously he really believed that would be the case, but if you guys have always had the rule of things not going back and forth, and you didn't discuss it all with him, then he just made a wrong assumption.