Wanting child of my own

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Hi everyone! I have been lurking on this site for years but this is my first time to post. I am married and have 3 stepkids. They live with us full time and we have a crazy BM who fortunately for us and them, is never around. When I was dating my (now husband), I knew he had kids but they did not live with him at the time. I had brought up early on in our relationship if he was still willing to have more kids and he said he was (if that's what I wanted, which I didn't at the time). Over the years, I have steadily always told him, friends, and family that I did not want kids (because at the time, I didn't think I did). Since I always said I didn't want kids, my husband told me later that he was happy as he wouldn't have to start the clock over again. My stepkids are great and we have a good relationship so I thought maybe that would be enough and that I got to bypass the hard "baby" years. But now recently, it dawned on me, I do want a child of my own. Someone I can be responsible for and make decisions on how they are raised (something I don't get the full right to do now with Stepkids). So now I feel stupid because I have always come off as "anti-kids" to my husband and family. I feel like he would not be willing to have children now, and if I play the "its not fair you have kids and I don't card" he will probably defend himself by saying that although he said early on in the relationship that he would be willing to have more, that since then I said I didn't want them and we got married under the assumption there would be no more children. Part of me wants to "forget" my birthcontrol and call it an accident. I just feel like he will not accept having more children and its not fair that he has his own and I help raise them but don't get any of the benefits. I figure that since I no longer lead a "kid free" lifestyle (due to his children moving in with us) that I might as well have my own. The one big reason I never wanted kids was how they change your lifestyle, but now my lifestyle is changed anyways due to his kids. Anyone ever go through the same thing and have any advice?

Someone needs to give you a

Someone needs to give you a huge kick in the backside. For two reasons.

DO NOT....I repeat.....DO NOT accidentally on purpose "forget" your birth control.

How dare you put your husband in that position. You're supposed to be in a partnership.

Open up your mouth and talk to the guy. Be honest and be aware that just because you changed your mind doesn't mean he's going to change his mind.

However if you trap him with a pregnancy, I hope the fires of hell give you the worst heartburn til the end of your days.

WTF is your reasoning again? To be responsible for a child and raise it the way YOU think a child should be raised?? That's your justification for bringing an innocent child into this world? ARE YOU NUTS?

Let me see if I understand you correctly. You want to have a kid so you can show your H and his ex how it's really done?? Wow.....good luck with that.

Thank you for your truthful

Thank you for your truthful but nice reply. Some of these other posters were acting kinda rude when I was just trying to put my feelings out there. I appreciate your firmness without being rude and your past experience. Do you regret having your own child?

To everyone else, I said I sometimes "feel like wanting to forget my pills" but have never done so and is not what I really want to do, I just feel frustrated at times. When talking about not enjoying the benefits, I meant I dont get the benefit of unconditional love, getting a say in how they are raised, etc. Its hard to think that I am good enough to help with homework, pay for things, babysit, etc but I have no real "rights". If my husband and I ever divorce, I lose my entire family. There is no custody for the stepparents. The benefit of having my own child is the chance to love them and raise them the best way I can, to be there for them forever and for them to be there for me. I dont think that makes me an asshole like some of you have painted me out to be. Sometimes compassion and understanding is all someone wants. I already deal with people not understanding my side of things which is why I came here in the first place.

Rude or plain spoken.

Potayto. Potahto.

Can't support or respect someone who is considering tricking their partner into fatherhood.

If there is one lesson anyone

If there is one lesson anyone living in step-world should know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that bringing a child into the world SHOULD be the conscious decision of BOTH parents.

Now given you were anti-kids at the start of your relationship, but since having his kids live with you full time, I can understand why/how your mind has been changed. BUT your husband is entitled to his say in whether or not he fathers more children.
The pair of you need to sit down and talk about this in a calm manner. Be honest with him, tell him that since you have the skids full time and are busy as a "family" unit you would really like a child of your own too.

A persons wish to reproduce is often a hill to die on for most relationships but trapping your husband is by no means the answer.
If a man rapes a woman in attempt to reproduce its rape, personally a woman deceiving her partner making them believe they are having safe sex whilst trying to conceive should be regarded the same. Its a total invasion of a persons rights and is one of the highest betrayals in a relationship.

Just decide how much you want a child, talk to your husband and decide together whether having a child is a doable thing. Personally, emotionally, physically and financially. Then you take the outcome of that decision and decide if you can live with it, most say never stay in a relationship without children if you want a biological of your own as you will regret it.

I was going to post my story

I was going to post my story here (as its now 1:15am and I've been up crying over this same issue since 11:45pm) but I didn't' want to steal your post.

I feel you pain and know what you're going through. It's really difficult and not every can/will understand.

Scifimom,I'd love to hear

Scifimom,I'd love to hear your story..

Just found this site today &

Just found this site today & have been going thru diff posts ever free moment I get. I can't just read this one & pass on to the next. TALK to him. I've spent most of my life never saying anything because of fear of what the other person would say. Don't let fear of what he'll say stop you from saying what you want, it'll just eat you up inside.

I'm going thru a slightly diff sitch, but it still hurts like hell when you want a baby but might not get to have that bond and teach him/her YOUR family traditions and history. If you wanna know my looooooong story, it's in the forum for Skids w/ disabilities.

Big hugs to you. And no matter what you decide (together), PLEASE talk to him as soon as you can. Trust me, the longer you wait to say something, the bigger the fear and the harder it is to speak about YOUR needs.

Friends of mine are getting

Friends of mine are getting divorced because of this.
There are no steps involved.

He wants kids and she doesn't. When they first married she was unsure but as the years past she's decided that she wants to build her career and travel. He's decided that he really wants kids.
They've been dealing with this for 3 years now (married 7-8 years) and he's said he's done.

It's really sad, they are such a great couple and really love each other but he's not willing to give up raising kids.

I would not be the least surprised if he has a baby with the first willing woman to come along, only to have her leave him because he is still in love with his ex.

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Wanting child of my own