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When do I take my kids and run..

mythreesons's picture

Submitted by mythreesons on Fri, 09/11/2015 - 4:17pm

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General Discussion

I have two Bio sons ages 3 and 1. My SS6 is becoming increasingly violent. He is being sent home from school for being unable to listen to direction and be safe.

Today he got sent home for threatening to break teachers legs and also run away and disappear.

He sees a psychologist a few times a week but it isnt helping.

also today after I picked him up, he began climbing on my desk, throwing my things off of it. He threatened to push my BS3 down the stairs to kill him, and to jump on my BS1's neck and break him. He also threatened to put stuff in my husbands and my mouth while we were sleeping so we choke and die, and also burn our house down and then proceeded to show me that he knows how to work a lighter.

other then hitting, kicking, pushing, etc. he has never really hurt my other kids. but all of his threats are actually plausible.
When do I take them at face value and take my kids and run for their own safety? or should I just take them as the threats of a 6 year old who is looking for attention?

He also threatens often to harm himself.

I know he needs help and he should probably go to an inpatient program but my husband thinks disciplining him at home is enough.

Powerfamily's picture

Submitted by Powerfamily on Fri, 09/11/2015 - 4:23pm

I would say now the time to leave before one of your children get hurt or worse.

Your DH needs to get his son more help it sounds like your SS needs to be an in patient where he is both safe and get some intensive help or what ever his issues are.

For each year that passes the stronger he will become and before you know it your SS will be strong enough to do serious harm to someone if he isn't helped now.

Last In Line's picture

Submitted by Last In Line on Fri, 09/11/2015 - 4:44pm

I too would leave, taking the bios with you. If your DH doesn't care for their safety enough to get help for his oldest child, he doesn't deserve to be with you.

It is VERY hard to admit your child needs help...My oldest DS was 6 the first time we put him in an inpatient facility. Nothing about that was easy, but we had reached a breaking point. If your DH isn't there yet, then protect the rest of the family and get out.

mythreesons's picture

Submitted by mythreesons on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 8:07am

He sees a psychologist once a week after school, and twice a week during normal school hours. He has been seeing her for close to a year and a half.

We have regular meetings with child protective services due to the nature of his behavior in school and at home and they have determined our home to be a stable environment and that the problem lies solely with whatever is going on with him.

DH does discipline regularly when necessary, but the change in behavior that results last for approximately 15 minutes before he is right back to it.

An inpatient program for children is available in my area. It is 4-6 weeks of around the clock care and therapy for children. I guess it could be thought of as a mental institution.

I was forced to pick him up from school because I work 5 minutes away and bring my kids to work with me. My DH on the other hand works 45 minutes to an hour away and it was necessary for a parent to get there as soon as possible.

BM has been out of the picture since he was 2 years old and we have no idea where she is other then she lives in a different state.

mythreesons's picture

Submitted by mythreesons on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 8:17am

Ok, First and foremost am am perfectly capable of standing up for myself. So you can put that thought right out of your head now.

Secondly I am doing everything in my power to protect my children, ALL THREE OF THEM. I may have given birth to 2 kids, but my step son is just as much my child as the others. I have been his "mom" since he was a year old.

I didnt post this for attention. I had serious reservations about posting it in the first place.

Please remember this happened YESTERDAY.

It was the first time he has ever threatened me or my children, and guess what, we sent him to his grandmothers so he would be away from all other kids. He is going to stay there until DH and I can come up with an appropriate solution and to get him the help he needs.

He is a child that has been through a lot. he lived with his maternal grandmother for the first 4 years of his life, his mother left out of the blue two years ago and hasnt been heard from since, the aunt and cousins he lived with for a year with his grandmother up and left also. He was pulled from his home to live with us full time because his grandmother was unable to care for him anymore due to cancer treatments. He was pulled from one school to a new one with that change. And it has been a series of emotional traumas for him for a while.

He is a good kid who needs help.

And if you try to tell me that I am not protecting my children you are very wrong.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 8:40am

" I have been his "mom" since he was a year old ".

"he lived with his maternal grandmother for the first 4 years of his life".

The kid is only six now.

"And if you try to tell me that I am not protecting my children you are very wrong"

"when Richard began crawling he climbed on Jason's bed and I caught Jason holding a pillow over Richards face, Jason was 3"

mythreesons's picture

Submitted by mythreesons on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 8:19am

I am doing everything in my power to protect my children, ALL THREE OF THEM. I may have given birth to 2 kids, but my step son is just as much my child as the others. I have been his "mom" since he was a year old.

I didnt post this for attention. I had serious reservations about posting it in the first place.

Please remember this happened YESTERDAY.

It was the first time he has ever threatened me or my children, and guess what, we sent him to his grandmothers so he would be away from all other kids. He is going to stay there until DH and I can come up with an appropriate solution and to get him the help he needs.

He is a child that has been through a lot. he lived with his maternal grandmother for the first 4 years of his life, his mother left out of the blue two years ago and hasnt been heard from since, the aunt and cousins he lived with for a year with his grandmother up and left also. He was pulled from his home to live with us full time because his grandmother was unable to care for him anymore due to cancer treatments. He was pulled from one school to a new one with that change. And it has been a series of emotional traumas for him for a while.

He is a good kid who needs help.

And if you try to tell me that I am not protecting my children you are very wrong.

FrenchPeas's picture

Submitted by FrenchPeas on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 5:33pm

I'm not wrong. This couldn't have instantly popped up. He's been doing stuff for a while. You said so in your blog. He has past behavior issues.

I just wouldn't have a kid like this around little ones who can't defend themselves and one can't even speak yet.

Meh

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 11:51am

I'm confused by all the contradictions in the post but the theme seems to be that the kid gets pawned off on family whenever he acts out. Mom took off, aunts can't handle him, grandma too sick. The bottom line is that HIS father needs to step up and parent because it sounds like he hasn't done much of it. No wonder this kid has problems. Now you want to institutionalize him?! I feel sorry for the kid, he got a crap deal.

I don't have any solutions but I hope this kid gets the stability he needs.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 09/12/2015 - 8:49pm

Time to take a belt to his bare ass every time he threatens or gets agressive. If he escalates, tell DH he goes because the risk to your to toddlers is too great.

Better proactive, aggresive, and keep him locked down tight rather than have him hurt anyone else.