Boyfriend dumped me because I yelled at his son.
A bit of background on my situation: boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. We live separately, and he has custody of his boys (9 and 15) every second weekend. We've all gotten very close since I was introduced to the boys a year and a half ago, and I leave the primary parenting and disciplining to my boyfriend. He is not yet divorced, but has been legally separated for 4 years.
About a month ago me, we all went to all weekend long music festival. The weekend was wonderful, with no issues with either of the kids. The children however, were supposed to be with an adult at all times. My boyfriend and his youngest decided to go off to buy a t-shirt.The 15 year old was with me, but was at a cell phone charging station and I was just lying on the grass staying cool and keeping him in my sights.For whatever reason, decided all of a sudden that he needed alone time and just took off without so much as looking at me or saying anything to me.
I took off after him, but he got swallowed up by the crowd. I initially wondered if maybe he had gotten a text from his dad asking him if maybe he wanted a t-shirt or something like that. So, I just went back to where I was because that was our meeting spot. When my boyfriend came back, he shrugged his shoulders and ask me where his eldest was. I said I didn't know comment that he had just taken off, and that I thought maybe he was with him.
I texted his eldest to ask him to please come back, as his dad needed him, and he responded by saying that he needed alone time. My boyfriend is at this point getting very angry and frustrated comment and because I was the only one with a working cell phone, I kept texting him asking him to please come back. He said if my dad's angry, I'm not coming back. I reminded him that the only rule he had for the weekend was that he was not to just take off and be alone. He said I don't want to come back, just leave me alone. He finally texted me back saying that he was back at the campsite and that to leave him alone.
This did not sit well for me for many reasons. One, the ex wife would somehow make it my issue or my boyfriend's issue as she is very protective of the boys. While I was concerned about him, I wasn't concerned about the needing to be alone, I was concerned that he had broken the rule and just taking off as this would mean dire consequences for the next concert that he was supposed to attend. Also, we were having a great weekend, I don't understand why he suddenly needed alone time, and plus I didn't want him to ruin what had been a fantastic weekend up until that point.
I told my boyfriend I was going to get him back, and took off towards the campsite. When I caught up with the kid, he just said to me "Really!? I can't get any alone time here?!'. I told him no, you're not allowed to just take off, you know the rule. I told him his dad was really pissed, and then if you knew what was good for him he come back before his dad arrived. I was yelling.
The rest of it is up now.
The rest of it is up now.
You dodged a bullet! Run
You dodged a bullet! Run like the wind and find a good guy who doesn't have any fuck trophies. Never look back.
You will always be blamed for everything and you will always come last.
RUN while you still can!
You definitely dodged a
You definitely dodged a bullet here! I would say Goodbye and good riddance.
I wouldn't be sad. Evidently
I wouldn't be sad. Evidently his kids can be shits and it's ok because they are his preciouses. Even breaking the rules is alright. Uh no. Bye?
Yes...sorry...post cut off
Yes...sorry...post cut off somewhere. I will try to get the rest back. There's more info that is necessary for the whole picture.
...THE REST OF IT... I texted
...THE REST OF IT...
I texted his eldest to ask him to please come back, as his dad needed him, and he responded by saying that he needed alone time. My boyfriend is at this point getting very angry and frustrated comment and because I told my boyfriend I was going to get him back, and took off towards the campsite. When I caught up with the kid, he just said to me "Really!? I can't get any alone time here?!'. I told him no, you're not allowed to just take off, you know the rule. I told him his dad was really pissed, and then if you knew what was good for him he come back before his dad arrived. I was yelling.
The rest is up now.
The rest is up now.
Oh...I'm going to cry here.
Oh...I'm going to cry here. Why isn't this working?!
The rest is up now.
The rest is up now.
Should have left it to Dad.
Should have left it to Dad. But for him to break up with you? Weird. Someone doesn't want anyone else telling his sweet baby boy what to do, even if he breaks the rules set by his own father. That's pretty bad parenting. I HOPE someone will correct my son if he screws up! Please, yell at my kid!
Right?!The rest of my post is
Right?!The rest of my post is finally up...
The rest of my post is up
The rest of my post is up now. Sigh.
*The rest of it - no
*The rest of it - no paragraph breaks* My boyfriend finally pulled up and said exactly the same things I'd said...like if he needed alone time that's fine (and is granted it when he needs it of course) but he ignored the rule and just did as he pleased without asking anyone or getting permission. I excused myself for them to talk alone.
When I returned about half an hour later, my boyfriend greeted me by saying that I wasn't to discipline his kids, and that we were over. IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.
We drove home in silence after the ex wife and her boyfriend came to collect the kids. When he dropped me off at my place, he handed me my keys and said for me to let him know when a good time would be for him to drop off the rest of my stuff from his house.
I thought he just needed time to cool down and for him to understand that my main concern was for the welfare of the child, and to not make any trouble that really didn't need to happen. The kids and I had a really great relationship, I've never needed to discipline them before, & I thought he would understand why I did it this time. I am exceedingly patient with the kids even though sometimes are a big pain in my ass. They're kids going through a transition of their parents being separated, but they're basically great kids.
Not a word from him for 9 days, so I sent him an email asking when I we could exchange stuff... And that if maybe we could talk. He said no, I don't need to talk, I just need my stuff. He literally came to the front of my building, dropped off my stuff (although he "forgot" some things) and left. No discussion. He sent me an email when he got home from my place that basically just said he was very sad about how things worked out that weekend, and that we should get together again when it is convenient for me so he could give me the last of my things.
He came over last week, we sat down for an hour and talked. Basically, he says that he cannot forgive me, and that his son had said on that day that he didn't want me to be around anymore and that's why my boyfriend broke up with me. I asked him if he was seriously going to let a 15 year old dictate his personal life, and he said well he'll always be my son so... yes.
Our relationship was very good, I mean, not perfect, but pretty darn great. I love him deeply, and was invested in continuing with a future with him. It is my belief that he loves me also, as he has never stopped saying so. In my opinion, I think that he overreacted, and while I understand he is protective of his kids, and while the kids are entitled to have feelings, it was very explosive situation, that just got out of control. It only happened once, I would only let it happen once... And now we have clearly outlined what is and isn't acceptable. The problem of course is, that I am NOT being forgiven. On a subsequent email to me, he said that now he is in a situation where he is extremely reluctant to introduce the kids to anyone and won't do so until he's married?! Or until the kids are old enough to understand relationships. That's messed up.
I am just sitting here wondering what the hell to do. I texted his son and apologized, and he accepted it. I did it not to change anything, I did it for my own peace of mind and so that his son would know that I didn't hate him I just hated the situation that was happening at the time.
Advice? thoughts?
Yes. You're completely
Yes. You're completely correct here. Thank you for your advice!
Someone dumps you, don't
Someone dumps you, don't argue with them.
It hurts, yes. And it will continue to hurt for some time. But do not try to think of how to fix this. This is broke hard and it's not yours to fix. If he gave you his real reasons, he's got some screwy ideas that would have made you miserable in the long run anyway. If he did not give you his real reasons, you probably don't want to know what they are. You'll just hurt worse.
Do whatever it takes to keep your head pointed forward, not back. It is so hard to believe that right now, I know. But it really is the only thing you can do. The man is done. Fork. Buzzer. Done. You cannot--and should not try to--resurrect this. If you still have stuff at his house, try to write it off. A sacrifice to the gods of heartbreak. Move forward, forward, forward.
If that was the real reason,
If that was the real reason, that's sad. If it's not the real reason...you're right. I don't want to know. Thank you!
Wow. You're bang on. It's
Wow. You're bang on. It's really hard to read...but I know in my heart you're right. Hopefully some day my head will catch up to my heart. Thank you!
Lucky you. I married an
Lucky you. I married an asshole just like your bf. I'm divorcing him. His kids run his life. Bye, sucker. Be glad you are away and don't look back. Take what you have learned and apply it to your next relationship. You're nice to have apologized. I would have never. Ever. Apologized to such a horrible brat.