Expected to do everything but I work full-time and don't want to
Forums:
So I'm basically expected to do everything for my 4 year old stepchild. My boyfriend works nights so I have to take her to and from the babysitter unless she's staying home (she often goes to daycare cause i work a very stressful, long-hours job from home) but he gets mad that i don't spend more time with her. He's always complaining meanwhile I'm expected to do everything - put her to bed, drive her to/from anywhere she needs to go because he doesn't drive, miss out on my weekends because he's working and i need to be home with her, i literally have no time for anything else.
What would you do? I don't see why i'm the one who's earning our primary income yet also doing everything else!
Because you made a terrible
Because you made a terrible mistake being wth a loser/user.
Ditch him..
No one can make you do any of
No one can make you do any of this. So stop. You aren't his servant. He is not your master.
Find a new man that respects
Find a new man that respects you.
I have told him but it always
I have told him but it always comes back to "you shouldn't be bothered by it, you should love her like she's your own child" or "i have no other way of picking her up and i don't know how i'm supposed to work if you don't help"
I've made it very clear I don't want to do these things but he isn't able to either so if I don't, he can't go to work or get her where she needs to be. I'm trying to get him to get a license to drive and another job but he keeps putting it off.
I love him, but I don't love his child like he does and I want to be a part of her life without being expected to parent her all the time
I AM bothered by it. It's
I AM bothered by it.
It's impossible for me to love her like my own, because she isn't.
What would you be doing if I wasn't here? You'd figure it out.
But wait - this so-called man doesn't even have a license and won't put forth the effort to better himself? Get out, and do it yesterday. Let this loser be someone else's fixer upper and go find a REAL man.
You can love someone who is
You can love someone who is completely wrong for you, and that's okay. This guy just wants someone who will take on all the responsibilities in his life so he doesn't have to do anything.
Run, don't walk. You don't need that kind of BS.
If this is how your BF treats
If this is how your BF treats a woman he expects to be his equity life partner and for him to be hers you may want to rethink your selection of this POS as your life partner.
Just sayin.
He is no man. He can't provide for his home and family, he outsources parenting and earning the primary income to you, he is so clueless that he not only expects you to do these things he tells you to do them rather than ask, and you are his beck and call girl, sex provider, and chauffer.
Gaining clarity yet?
You should be.
WTF are you doing with this useless, ball-less wonder?
And I am a man pointing these things out to you.
Move on ... NOW!!!! For the sake of your own sanity and future. Please.
You're not married yet, so
You're not married yet, so you still have time to run away. I would encourage you to do just that.
As the other posters have said, he wants a nanny, not a wife/partner. You are not this child's parent, and you will never love it like he does. Never. That he expects you to do something different than what you have clearly expressed you can do is the biggest red flag there is.
We're not married yet, no,
We're not married yet, no, but we did get engaged recently. The child was away for 2 months with family and we had such a great time, i didn't even think about all these issues when he proposed. He's great when she's not around, and I know that sounds awful, but there's no stress.. then she came back and I immediately regretted the decision to say yes.
I just sometimes feel like
I just sometimes feel like maybe he's struggling and needs help, maybe he's just depressed and really doesn't know how to make changes to his life and step up. I don't want to give up on him but i'm also losing a lot of time that could be spent happy... then I feel guilty, like I signed up for this and that's what someone who's dating someone with a child should be doing. I feel selfish that I don't want to help, but i'm also working to grow a very fulfilling career that has a lot of potential.
Ugh, i don't know. I want to help but I want to help on my own terms, when I feel like it, not be forced into it.
Ugh exactly and I've brought
Ugh exactly and I've brought that up! Any parent NEEDS a license and car. In my opinion, it's not a choice, it's a must! I don't know why the hell anyone would choose to have a child without a license while working a minimum wage job.
Very true.. I already am
Very true.. I already am starting to resent him and the child, which isn't healthy. BM isn't fit to have custody due to various reasons.
You mean, your BF has full
You mean, your BF has full custody?
How long have you been with him? How long has he had custody?
It really sounds like you are being used, at the very least, taken advantage of.
We've been together 2.5
We've been together 2.5 years, living together 1.5 years. He has full custody. BM lives in another city and rarely sees the child. We used to live near his family so they'd watch her, but we moved to start our life together (both agreed beforehand he'd get a daycare, license, etc. so nothing was put on me)
Your little BF should
Your little BF should probably get his shit together if he wants to be a father to his child and be in an adult relationship.
Absolutely no way would I put up with this crap. He is getting away with putting all of his responsibilities on you and taking no responsibilities himself. Sounds like you are taking care of them both.
If you insist on staying with him, you are going to have to force him to step up, which means stop doing all of these things for him. He either gets his license or he can't get his kid, he either gets a day job or not have his kid nights. If he works weekends, he's not going to be able to get his kid (unless he can get a sitter for her when he's at work). When he is home with his child, HE needs to be the one taking care of her and spending time with her, not you.
You are letting this happen. Stop it. Let him know what YOUR expectations are.
Sad thing is, I do care about
Sad thing is, I do care about this child. I enjoy spending time with her... but when I have deadlines at work and haven't seen my friends in weeks because my work takes up all my time, i don't like having to spend any spare time i have with her/driving her around.
Do you realize that you are
Do you realize that you are nothing more than the nanny that he gets to sleep with?
So one question: it's not
So one question: it's not selfish to not want to parent another person's child? I'm struggling with the idea that whenever I bring it up, he says I came into the relationship knowing he has a child and I should want to be a part of that family. He makes it seem like I'm awful for not being happy to do these things with her because i'm supposed to treat her like my daughter...
So one question: it's not
So one question: it's not selfish to not want to parent another person's child? I'm struggling with the idea that whenever I bring it up, he says I came into the relationship knowing he has a child and I should want to be a part of that family. He makes it seem like I'm awful for not being happy to do these things with her because i'm supposed to treat her like my daughter...
So one question: it's not
So one question: it's not selfish to not want to parent another person's child? I'm struggling with the idea that whenever I bring it up, he says I came into the relationship knowing he has a child and I should want to be a part of that family. He makes it seem like I'm awful for not being happy to do these things with her because i'm supposed to treat her like my daughter...
He's 25, and with all of the
He's 25, and with all of the feedback here, i'm starting to think he's ready for marriage because it takes a lot of responsibility off him.. He's not ready to step up and be a husband though.
Women tend to not want to see
Women tend to not want to see the "Nanny" requirements men have for their kids.
Women want to believe that this is how it is and HE in no way married/dated me because he needed a "nanny"
I call BS! BECAUSE of what I heard and saw!
My ExH did NOTHING with the kids, NOTHING! He actually accused me of "having an affair" because a phone number was on the bill SO many times, Um yea, it was on the bill alot, it was our kids MD's office and DD was sick, he had NO CLUE it was our doctors office or that the kids were sick, he did NOTHING for them"
He ALWAYS said "if I ever lose you, I will need a "nanny" RIGHT AWAY, I couldn't do the things you do"
We divorced and he moved in with his mom.
He then moved into his own place, with his girlfriend, and they were married with in months and she cares for my kids when they visit.
Some guys do plan/date/look for a woman who can tend to their kids for them. My own ExH said it a million times and did it, I've seen it first hand!
Thing is, I most definitely
Thing is, I most definitely wasn't "nanny" material when we started dating. Before we lived together, I was living like a teenager - partying all the time... which makes me question what HE was thinking getting himself and a child involved with me.
Sounds like this set up maybe
Sounds like this set up maybe wasn't right for you, BF or the kid.
Your only in your 20s and have no kids of your own or with this guy and I think your gonna be hard pressed to find someone to tell you to stay and accept this child as your own.
Your in your 20s! Go run and play and be a 20 year old, not a mommy for this guys kid!
He just came home from work
He just came home from work and told me, despite not starting until mid-day, he didn't get anything done in terms of booking his license, getting paperwork done to get into school, anything.
I told him I'm not helping him anymore, I've helped enough and he's going to have to do things for himself, which means getting his child to and from daycare. He told me "Then I think we should be done anyways"
I'd say that answers the question. He's definitely using me and trying to manipulate me.
I told him I want him out and he said I have to give him 60 days... (ontario) I can tell he's going to make this difficult
Oh, so he wants to play
Oh, so he wants to play games??? Play right along with him.
Do you have family or friends that will let you stay with them for 60 days? If so, hang out there until day 61. Turn off all of the utilities in your apartment/house. Remove all of the food from your house. Put your beds and sofas in storage. Making the place as uncomfortable as you can. Just do not cross the line of an unlawful eviction.
On day 61 change the locks.