Do I have to invite his dog, too?
SS25 is planning on coming for a visit in September for about a week with his wife, new baby, and DOG?? Do I have to allow this, or can I tell him to board the dog before they show up at my house? Him, the wife and the baby are welcome, but my home is not set up for dogs, as I do not own one, nor I wish to own one.
The last time someone brought an uninvited dog to my house, I ended up having to shampoo my carpet after he left. I was not pleased.
DH and I had a falling out with ss a few years back and things are starting to become copacetic again. I'm afraid that if I ban his dog, it might cause another rift. Do I stick to my guns protect my home, or do I bite the bullet, accept the dog and spend several days cleaning and deodorizing my house after they leave?
Advice please.
Please, no remarks about what a horrible person I am for not loving dogs. Save the dog-worship comments for another site.
Well, I'd rather have the dog
Well, I'd rather have the dog than the surly stepchild. Any day.
Lol! That made me laugh!
Lol! That made me laugh!
agree 100 percent
agree 100 percent
What I would suggest a
What I would suggest a non-dog type host say to an adult guest is "Our house is not set up for pets. We found a pet-friendly hotel nearby you might like. Here's the info. Here's another one w/info that also has good access to our neighborhood. Looking forward to your visit!"
That's good ChiefGrownup, I
That's good ChiefGrownup, I like that idea. Confrontational, just like I'm looking for.
SS can be very manipulative, and I could see him refusing the visit altogether if I say his dog is not welcome in my house. I have never owned a dog, nor do I ever want to. I like a clean, stink free home. I'm kinda funny like that.
As a passionate dog lover and
As a passionate dog lover and fur-mom to three dogs, I would NEVER in a million years assume my dogs were welcome to stay with me in someone's home. Never.
Either your DH already told him it was fine, or SS is an entitled little shit.
SS is an entitled little
SS is an entitled little shit. That's what caused the rift to begin with. I like to hope having a kid has made him grow up a little. We'll see next month. DH doesn't want the dog there, either, but is afraid of hurting his son's feelers. What is it with these men?
Agree with the comments from
Agree with the comments from the passionate dog lovers as I am one, too. Agree that all dog owners know this, your dog is your responsibility and you don't bring them where they are not wanted. No dog owner is surprised to find their dog is not allowed in some places. You do check with hotels first, etc. Some businesses and some homeowners say no. It's never a surprise, never. And usually is not taken personally, why would it be?
Believe it or not, I have
Believe it or not, I have actually had a few dog owners take it personally. When I've objected to my carpet being peed on or my furniture being chewed on, I've been made out to be the bad guy. :? Hence, the "no dogs" rule.
Well, that's a shame. But if
Well, that's a shame. But if you do allow a dog in your home, you do have to have the understanding that is an animal and can get nervous, over-excited, etc and some boo boo may happen and not have a super meltdown if it does happen.
The comment "house not set up for dogs" is code for "Trying to be socially gentle here, dog not welcome." Akin to "How're you?" being code for "Social rules require me to exchange pleasantries with you but I don't really want to hear about your new case of hemorrhoids."
If you want to take the phrase literally it means: "I may have imported white carpet, irreplaceable LLadro figurines, a colony of free roaming pet hamsters, or a collection of anti-freeze lollipops on display (poisonous to dogs) or quite simply I detest animals so don't bring any and I'm trying to be kind about saying so."
Woah, no respectful dog owner
Woah, no respectful dog owner assumes the dog is ok to visit other people. Family or not.
I was brought up around big dogs, all members of my family love dogs. Yet when I was about to get a dog of my own, I already had a holiday/visit booked to go stay with my mother, I rang her and asked her whether this new dog would be welcome or whether I needed to wait and adopt him when I got back.
We had a similar issue with my fiances brother, they got a small dog (sorry not a fan), they treated that dog like a baby and they came on a visit and brought the dog. Despite at the time we were in rental that didnt allow dogs and we have two cats! Since then there has been a dog ban and it did cause a bit of hassle but its OUR house. Same as for you this is YOUR house.
Have you had this dog visit before? Is there any reason your SS is assuming its ok? Ask your hubby whether he has already agreed to the dog coming. If hubby has already agreed to the dog then it may be a bit unfair to "uninvite", so what do you do? You have a discussion with your hubby and you set up on part of ONE room for the dog. You make it very clear to hubby that the dog is to be in that area at night time.
I would go as far as make him go and buy things for the dog that will be thrown away or gifted to SS at the end of the visit.
Then ofcourse your hubby will need to scrub the place clean once the dog is gone.
Because, for some reason,
Because, for some reason, nowadays dogs are equivalent to human children and I would feel bad telling someone that their kid was not allowed at my house. People get really weird about their dogs. I don't get it, and unfortunately, I'm in the minority when it comes to this subject. 20 years ago, this would have never been an issue. Dogs were dogs back then, not children.
To be fair, children were
To be fair, children were children back then, too. Now they are very fragile Emperors and Empresses.
True!
True!
Thanks. I can see ss throwing
Thanks.
I can see ss throwing a fit over this, too.
I'm low keyed and polite too.
I'm low keyed and polite too. I also say it like it is, which is why ss hates me. He totally blames me for him not having a relationship with his dad, when really it is his sense of entitlement that makes him hard to deal with. Even DH admits this. SS is an angry person. Everyone is on edge when he is around. I think this is why I have a hard time confronting him. He doesn't ask, he tells. I just thought of an idea....I could be gone during that week. Camping sounds fun. Lol!
Why don't you check out Dog
Why don't you check out Dog magazine websites and look for archival material on what is recommended for dog owners wanting to take their pups to some one else's house? There will undoubtedly be advice columns and travel articles where this very question is addressed.
I think you will find the universal answer is that as the dog owner you are supposed to find out where Mr. Fetchy Boy is welcome and not bring him unless he is. Then the advice will be to make darn sure Mr. Fetchy Boy has perfect manners and that YOU provide properly for him, including making the environment suitable to optimizing his behavior. For instance, I could not stay overnight in a home where my dogs had to sleep down the hall from me. I know darn well they would howl and dig till they found me. So certain disaster best avoided, I would board them or book a pet-friendly hotel.
Try DogFancy or DogWorld. I know there are some newer dog magazines, too.
See, the thing is SS is
See, the thing is SS is trying to have a relationship with DH again and I don't want to stand in the way of that. I have already been accused of driving a wedge between SS and his dad. Not true, but it still hurts to be accused. I think I'm maybe just trying to keep the peace. This sucks. I kind of wish SS would have just stayed estranged. Now he's dangling the new baby in front of DH. Here we go!
"I have already been accused
"I have already been accused of driving a wedge between SS and his dad. Not true, but it still hurts to be accused. I think I'm maybe just trying to keep the peace."
Welcome to stepworld. I think all sm's are accused of "driving the wedge." In truth we cannot keep the peace. The relationship between your DH and his son is totally on the two of them and you cannot facilitate, encourage or make it happen.
If you asked them to "board" the baby for the duration of the visit then that would be pretty heartless, but to leave a critter home or board it is quite understandable. Many people have allergies, tenant restrictions or as in your case do not want to deal with the smell or mess. Stick to your guns. DH can deliver the news that the dog is not welcome. If ss refuses to come then that's his choice.
I would be upfront, but all
I would be upfront, but all communication goes through DH. SS won't talk to me unless he absolutely has to. I'm apprehensive about how this visit is going to pan out. I hope he has matured in the last 2 years. I'm willing to try, for DH's sake, but if SS pisses me off, they can have their visits elsewhere in the future. This was not in the fine print. I also have a feeling that this new grand baby could either strengthen of weaken an already strained relationship. But, that's a whole other post.
I would have been kicking
I would have been kicking some dog ass over that one!
Everyone has an opinion and
Everyone has an opinion and here is mine.
My osd is the type that does not ask either. Her and her dh just inform you that they are coming and "by the way, we are bringing our dogs". They had two dogs then (now they only have one). I was very angry that they did not ask. We live out in the country and have a dog pen to put our dog in when we have company or go somewhere. The osd and family show up and put one dog in the pen and let the other run. It was a small pit bull and it got into a fight with my dog, knocked over flower pots on my front porch and got mud all over my back door. The worst part is my sd husband at one point is yelling at my dog to get out of his way, which my dog would not have been in his way if his big hunting dog was not in the dog pen.
My advise, say something NOW before they come. If telling them you don't want their dog in your house is going to cause an estrangement, they are not worth having a relationship with.
You/DH could possibly
You/DH could possibly 'research' dog care options in your nearby vicinity and forward your findings to SS. Some of the facilities are equivalent to pampered doggy vacation around my area. If the facility is close SS can even visit his pet daily. Some are so modern in tech that the owner all but can do face time via phone. The ability to login and actually view the pet interact during play and exercise time ect.
No, you absolutely do not have to host SS's dog nor feel poor for refusing to. However you might suggest boarding options near you so the dog can travel with the family and be easily checked on. SS may be more accepting of boarding if he finds he doesn't have to leave dog miles behind in his home area.
Just something to consider.
Your SS is a total ass. This
Your SS is a total ass. This dog is just a side issue. It's not your responsibility to make sure your dh and we have a relationship. That is up to the two of them. I do not let assholes in my home for any reason.
dogs are like children. they
dogs are like children. they are all not the same and not all are well behaved. use your own judgement.