Sad! When family members come into the picture with warnings and we hear about them it makes us feel like the person giving the warnings does not like us. I have been there. My husband's sister and a friend were all concerned about his welfare when we met and asked questions and gave warnings which my husband told me about, it's crushing. These things though build tension and hurt in the relationship and when we feel this pain it is hard for us to feel happy for the person that caused us such pain.

Nah. You're not being selfish. You are more mature than SD/SS. Depends upon your definition of "proper relationship" whether it's too soon, but ...

Aren't you in Singapore or such with a DH who is a bit older? (I remembered since my SO is also significantly older which is much less of an issue at my age. )

Back then, SD/SS were worried about the money and the new hussy who didn't actually love their dad, etc, etc ... I swear the double standard has nothing to do with the quality or depth of a relationship but about their fear of being shut out of their inheritance. (Hope your DH spends most of it.)

Nope. Not over-reacting, not selfish, you're just in a dysfunctional family relationship. Sorry, not much help. I would be frustrated as well.

I would be happy for DH because some idiot will carry the headache for your DH for few years...until he can't take it anymore and bail

Be there to support DH. Who cares about the SD. She can go to wherever and be whatever she wants to be. Support your DH but watch out for the money. You know what SD always want from their father.

Best of luck

A.

I would find it hard to be all confetti and roses for this one, too. I have tremendous resentment against both my dh and my sd for how sd has treated me and how dh let her ruin so many of our romantic milestones. Now she has a bf and we're supposed to embrace him and worship him like the god she thinks he is. Makes the bile rise. I've also feared how I would handle any wedding of hers. There's that four letter word again, b.i.l.e.

Good luck with this. Keep us posted. I hope the new bridegroom treats your stepdaughter as wretchedly as she deserves and she is trapped in her righteousness with him forever. Ahhhhh...that felt good.

Re: How to handle the wedding, make sure you bring your own separate car, and don’t bring anyone along for the ride (that you’d be responsible for taking back after the wedding). That way, if crapola goes down, you can just hop in your car and go any time you like. Or, I strongly feel SMs do not have to go to these events, if they don’t want to, and the decision should be 100% SM’s decision, regardless of what hubby may think. He is not the one who is going to run the risk of being treated like a piece of gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe. I was really looking forward to my SD’s wedding, but after the way I was treated there, I will not be going to my SS’s wedding. Fortunately, his wedding is a destination wedding, so it kind’a gives me an easy out (can’t afford all that $$, someone has to take care of the dog, etc.), although regardless of where it was, I would not be going. After informing hubby of this several times, he still had the audacity to say I had to go because he was afraid of flying and hadn’t flown in years and wouldn’t know what to do! Note: He did not say he wanted me to go because he couldn’t think of being there without me. Needless to say, that did not change my mind. I just told him the decision is 100% up to me, just like whether or not he attends is 100% up to him. I suggested maybe he could go with his daughter. That made him feel a little better. And, I truly don’t care what goes on at SS’s wedding. Hubby, BM and the rest of the gang can fly back with matching kimonos for all I care.