You'll be seeing the attorney this morning, may be there right now. Please take a moment when you can to let us know how it went and how you're feeling about it all. We are all rooting for you!
I hope Moon is ok. Usually she will post and check in. Maybe she just needs a little time to herself and doesn't feel like writing. Whatever it is, I know all of us who follow her just want the best for her and hope that whatever happens that she will be happy.
Hi GFs~ So sorry about the delay, long day yesterday and another long day today....I've been with Mom and there's no wifi at her place. I should have checked in on my phone tho. Here's what happened.....
Early appt Tuesday, I went in all smiles like I was going into the doc's office. Met with attorney and she kept me on the "business" track, that's for sure. Basically there's not much for DH and I to split, so she sees this as all fairly simple, unless DH doesn't agree to divorce me. I don't see that as the case, as BM divorced HIM out of the blue, and he got out, leaving his kids behind. He only moved a mile away, met me three months later. Seems he always needs a caretaker in his life. So figure out the house and a vehicle in both names and it should be simple as I have no bios. Dogs are property, too, but I don't want to dwell on that right now. It upsets me.
So, three things to share with you. The first is, obviously, talk to DH and drop the bomb, and work out an agreement on joint property. Ugh, I hate thinking about this part as I am human and still have a conscience but you all know what I have been through over the past year. I keep reminding myself of that and think of happier times ahead. The second is there is no "abandonment" in my state. I didn't know that, and I made sure to bring it up, as I'm nervous about the fallout after I drop the news to DH. I can leave anytime and work out the details later. So I have a lot to do with packing, or not. I can always come back for extra things later on a move day.
The third thing is, and pay close attention because the stars are shining on me, GFs...A law is IN THE WORKS right now in my state where you DO NOT need to be separated for a year before the divorce is final. The law will go into effect on October 1st. If I file for divorce on September 30th, I have to be separated for a year. If I file October 1st or later, then the divorce is final in a matter of....WEEKS.
WEEKS. :jawdrop:
I thought maybe 6 months, but no, it's final as soon as the paperwork gets pushed through. I could definitely go into the new year as a single woman, possibly before Halloween and all of the holidays. I was so ecstatic when I heard this and had to keep my calm as best as I could with my attorney. I remember asking her, so.....six months? Three months? Nope, she said a matter of weeks.
So now I have to get my nerve up and do this. This is the really hard part. I have to do this and not look back. I was gone all day yesterday and at one point DH texted me asking me if I was at my mother's, I told him I was, so he knows something is up. I mean I was there all day talking to Mom, and she says to just go ahead and do it, if that's what I really want. It is, it's just hard because I'm a little scared what DH's reaction will be. And I really wanted to be packed up. Maybe I can try this weekend. Pack enough things to get me through the work week next week and then come back next weekend to move.
Things are moving quickly, but it's better that way. I'm in a good mood, excited like it's Christmas morning. My attorney said that DH is going to need time to process the news, because I have already moved ahead further than him in my mind, mentally preparing and also saving financially. I understand that. Send me your words of strength. I've been in the lion's den for awhile, but this is going to be tough, big time.
I am thrilled to hear, you finally went to see your lawyers. You're more than half way there. You can do this and it is the right thing to do for you. I have read your posts since I joined. I cannot see your H changing. Maybe packing for a week at your mom's then going back for the rest is an idea. Won't your H figure it out though and you run the risk of him changing the locks?
My thoughts are to get laundry done on Friday and pack enough for a week. Load this into the car before DH gets home. The SDs are planning a day trip together Friday so SD13 won't be here and I'll have some privacy while packing for the next week.
DH will come home and I will tell him the news. He'll be upset but I'll keep it short and and go to my parent's house Friday night. Next week on Monday or Tuesday, I'll come back with my BFF and we'll load up my things. I only have two small tables so it should be easy. Lots of clothes and personal items, but I have already taken a mental inventory, so I can be quick and get this done in one day.
Then next week, DH and I meet and discuss an agreement. My attorney said to call her once I reach an agreement. It could be from one sitting with DH, or it could take a few weeks. But I'll stand my ground on wanting to move on.
So he'll know before I leave Friday what my intentions are. If he changes the locks, which he wont, they are the programmable kind, and I can go online and get the new code. The garage door opener is programmed into my car. If he locks the interior door, I call a locksmith. It's still my house, too, with my things in it.
This is all happening so fast but it's easier this way. No dragging it out.
I know that big step of telling someone that the relationship is over is a tough one. Your DH sounds so much like mine, I don't see him taking it easy. My DH is much like yours...he NEEDS companionship! That doesn't mean that he treats his companion with the respect they deserve, but he has to have someone around. The way things have gotten with my DH, I often think that the only reason he wants me around is to take care of him, because he can't do it himself (i.e., the laziness). Without me, his laundry would never get done, his bills would never get paid (I've always handled all the finances in this house), etc. Shoot, he won't even do his expense reports for work if I don't hound him about them! I don't even know if he would make it to work if he didn't have me to basically kick him out of bed every morning! I often wonder if he wants me around because of love, or because of convenience.
I see your DH not taking this well, but you can't let that stop you! I think you already know this, and that is why you have all the butterflies and all. But remember, he rebounded from his ex quickly...as you said, he met you 3 months later. He will latch on to the first female friend he can...probably even that one AA lady you were talking about that he went to have ice cream with with SD13. He needs a caretaker. You don't need to be his caretaker!!! You deserve a man who is going to SHARE in a relationship with you...a man who will give as much as he received, and preferably a man who has no kids, or has adult kids who have successfully launched and aren't entitled brats! Even being alone is better than having to be someone's caretaker!
If you felt so much joy at the lawyer's office, you are definitely ready to take this step. Your dh needs to take a good long hard look in the mirror for an answer as to why this is happening.
I'm out of the house tonight. Packed a suitcase and SD13 didn't even notice. DH and I haven't spoken, he's texted me again, saying he needs to work on himself. It's too late and I'm pretty sure he knows it. I plan to move everything out on Friday when he's at work.
So sorry, no laptop with me and just today CEO said too many people have been abusing the internet at work. DH texted this morning and wanted to call me at work. I said "Absolutely not!" I have so much work to catch up on and I've kept my game face on. No one knows what's going on except for my parents and BFF.
I'm nervous because DH and I are going to talk tonight. This will be the first time in a few days, since I didn't return home. I want it to be short and to the point.
I'm going to be a mess during that call. I hope he stays away tomorrow when BFF and I pack up my things. DH should be at work, and the SDs at the zoo. They should stay there.
Moon- I read all of your bookmarks. I had previously followed a bit of your story, but I went ahead and read all your bookmarks, and comments, and am up to speed. I feel like I just watched all the episodes of a tv show that Netflix has to offer and now I am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next episode. I'm so angry for you and what you have been living with. I'm also so happy for you to be free of that. I hope your talk went well and am rooting for you, your health, and your happiness all the way!
You sound better than I have ever seen before. Deep breaths and keep moving forward. The Oct 1 law sounds as if it will be a good thing for you and get your extricated from this Step nightmare as quickly and definitively as possible.
Ditto that...
Ditto that...
^^^^ Ditto the ditto ^^^^
^^^^ Ditto the ditto ^^^^
I don't post much but I've
I don't post much but I've been following your story. Thinking of you today!
Ditto this. Hope everything
Ditto this.
Hope everything went well.
I hope Moon is ok. Usually
I hope Moon is ok. Usually she will post and check in. Maybe she just needs a little time to herself and doesn't feel like writing. Whatever it is, I know all of us who follow her just want the best for her and hope that whatever happens that she will be happy.
Hi GFs~ So sorry about the
Hi GFs~ So sorry about the delay, long day yesterday and another long day today....I've been with Mom and there's no wifi at her place. I should have checked in on my phone tho. Here's what happened.....
Early appt Tuesday, I went in all smiles like I was going into the doc's office. Met with attorney and she kept me on the "business" track, that's for sure. Basically there's not much for DH and I to split, so she sees this as all fairly simple, unless DH doesn't agree to divorce me. I don't see that as the case, as BM divorced HIM out of the blue, and he got out, leaving his kids behind. He only moved a mile away, met me three months later. Seems he always needs a caretaker in his life. So figure out the house and a vehicle in both names and it should be simple as I have no bios. Dogs are property, too, but I don't want to dwell on that right now. It upsets me.
So, three things to share with you. The first is, obviously, talk to DH and drop the bomb, and work out an agreement on joint property. Ugh, I hate thinking about this part as I am human and still have a conscience but you all know what I have been through over the past year. I keep reminding myself of that and think of happier times ahead. The second is there is no "abandonment" in my state. I didn't know that, and I made sure to bring it up, as I'm nervous about the fallout after I drop the news to DH. I can leave anytime and work out the details later. So I have a lot to do with packing, or not. I can always come back for extra things later on a move day.
The third thing is, and pay close attention because the stars are shining on me, GFs...A law is IN THE WORKS right now in my state where you DO NOT need to be separated for a year before the divorce is final. The law will go into effect on October 1st. If I file for divorce on September 30th, I have to be separated for a year. If I file October 1st or later, then the divorce is final in a matter of....WEEKS.
WEEKS. :jawdrop:
I thought maybe 6 months, but no, it's final as soon as the paperwork gets pushed through. I could definitely go into the new year as a single woman, possibly before Halloween and all of the holidays. I was so ecstatic when I heard this and had to keep my calm as best as I could with my attorney. I remember asking her, so.....six months? Three months? Nope, she said a matter of weeks.
So now I have to get my nerve up and do this. This is the really hard part. I have to do this and not look back. I was gone all day yesterday and at one point DH texted me asking me if I was at my mother's, I told him I was, so he knows something is up. I mean I was there all day talking to Mom, and she says to just go ahead and do it, if that's what I really want. It is, it's just hard because I'm a little scared what DH's reaction will be. And I really wanted to be packed up. Maybe I can try this weekend. Pack enough things to get me through the work week next week and then come back next weekend to move.
Things are moving quickly, but it's better that way. I'm in a good mood, excited like it's Christmas morning. My attorney said that DH is going to need time to process the news, because I have already moved ahead further than him in my mind, mentally preparing and also saving financially. I understand that. Send me your words of strength. I've been in the lion's den for awhile, but this is going to be tough, big time.
~ Moon
Moon, it's wonderful to see
Moon, it's wonderful to see you.
I am thrilled to hear, you finally went to see your lawyers. You're more than half way there. You can do this and it is the right thing to do for you. I have read your posts since I joined. I cannot see your H changing. Maybe packing for a week at your mom's then going back for the rest is an idea. Won't your H figure it out though and you run the risk of him changing the locks?
A clean break is usually best and most effective.
My thoughts are to get
My thoughts are to get laundry done on Friday and pack enough for a week. Load this into the car before DH gets home. The SDs are planning a day trip together Friday so SD13 won't be here and I'll have some privacy while packing for the next week.
DH will come home and I will tell him the news. He'll be upset but I'll keep it short and and go to my parent's house Friday night. Next week on Monday or Tuesday, I'll come back with my BFF and we'll load up my things. I only have two small tables so it should be easy. Lots of clothes and personal items, but I have already taken a mental inventory, so I can be quick and get this done in one day.
Then next week, DH and I meet and discuss an agreement. My attorney said to call her once I reach an agreement. It could be from one sitting with DH, or it could take a few weeks. But I'll stand my ground on wanting to move on.
So he'll know before I leave Friday what my intentions are. If he changes the locks, which he wont, they are the programmable kind, and I can go online and get the new code. The garage door opener is programmed into my car. If he locks the interior door, I call a locksmith. It's still my house, too, with my things in it.
This is all happening so fast but it's easier this way. No dragging it out.
~ Moon
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} I know that
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I know that big step of telling someone that the relationship is over is a tough one. Your DH sounds so much like mine, I don't see him taking it easy. My DH is much like yours...he NEEDS companionship! That doesn't mean that he treats his companion with the respect they deserve, but he has to have someone around. The way things have gotten with my DH, I often think that the only reason he wants me around is to take care of him, because he can't do it himself (i.e., the laziness). Without me, his laundry would never get done, his bills would never get paid (I've always handled all the finances in this house), etc. Shoot, he won't even do his expense reports for work if I don't hound him about them! I don't even know if he would make it to work if he didn't have me to basically kick him out of bed every morning! I often wonder if he wants me around because of love, or because of convenience.
I see your DH not taking this well, but you can't let that stop you! I think you already know this, and that is why you have all the butterflies and all. But remember, he rebounded from his ex quickly...as you said, he met you 3 months later. He will latch on to the first female friend he can...probably even that one AA lady you were talking about that he went to have ice cream with with SD13. He needs a caretaker. You don't need to be his caretaker!!! You deserve a man who is going to SHARE in a relationship with you...a man who will give as much as he received, and preferably a man who has no kids, or has adult kids who have successfully launched and aren't entitled brats! Even being alone is better than having to be someone's caretaker!
If you felt so much joy at
If you felt so much joy at the lawyer's office, you are definitely ready to take this step. Your dh needs to take a good long hard look in the mirror for an answer as to why this is happening.
With BFF right now figuring
With BFF right now figuring out plans. DH is on to me and I may be leaving tonight! :jawdrop:
He basically gave me an out via text.
~ Moon
Glad to see you taking care
Glad to see you taking care of you for a change. Best of luck.
I'm out of the house tonight.
I'm out of the house tonight. Packed a suitcase and SD13 didn't even notice. DH and I haven't spoken, he's texted me again, saying he needs to work on himself. It's too late and I'm pretty sure he knows it. I plan to move everything out on Friday when he's at work.
Holy shit, it's finally happening.
~ Moon
Good luck! I remember leaving
Good luck! I remember leaving my ex and it was liberating!!
Oh my. Just remember to
Oh my. Just remember to breathe in and out.
Glad your safe. Funny how 'he
Glad your safe.
Funny how 'he now know's he needs to work on himself' now his built in cleaner, housekeeper and babysitter as now left the building.
As you say it's too little, too late.
Hugs Moon... Take good care
Hugs Moon... Take good care of yourself...
Yay! Good for you, you're a
Yay! Good for you, you're a strong woman! He probably thought you'd never actually do it.
Moon... we're dying to know
Moon... we're dying to know what's going on... anxiously awaiting your next update...
So glad to hear this. I
So glad to hear this. I haven't had time to post but have been thinking about you.
Enjoy your peace! You deserve to be happy!
Moon, part of me is so
Moon, part of me is so jealous right now! The other part of me is so happy for you!
Yeah, what'll he do for his
Yeah, what'll he do for his next business trip? Ask you if sd13 can stay with you at your Mom's? I do hope your dogs are cared for in your absence.
Come back and tell us more!
So sorry, no laptop with me
So sorry, no laptop with me and just today CEO said too many people have been abusing the internet at work. DH texted this morning and wanted to call me at work. I said "Absolutely not!" I have so much work to catch up on and I've kept my game face on. No one knows what's going on except for my parents and BFF.
I'm nervous because DH and I are going to talk tonight. This will be the first time in a few days, since I didn't return home. I want it to be short and to the point.
I'm going to be a mess during that call. I hope he stays away tomorrow when BFF and I pack up my things. DH should be at work, and the SDs at the zoo. They should stay there.
~ Moon
Well, if there was ever a
Well, if there was ever a time for honesty this would be it - I sure hope he doesn't say any more stupid shit.
I hope you're okay, Moon, dear. ((hugs))
Rooting for you! Hearing your
Rooting for you! Hearing your story gives me strength to stand up for myself. Thank you and good luck!!!
I hope the talk went well and
I hope the talk went well and I hope you're okay.
Moon- I read all of your
Moon- I read all of your bookmarks. I had previously followed a bit of your story, but I went ahead and read all your bookmarks, and comments, and am up to speed. I feel like I just watched all the episodes of a tv show that Netflix has to offer and now I am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next episode. I'm so angry for you and what you have been living with. I'm also so happy for you to be free of that. I hope your talk went well and am rooting for you, your health, and your happiness all the way!
Moon, You sound better than I
Moon,
You sound better than I have ever seen before. Deep breaths and keep moving forward. The Oct 1 law sounds as if it will be a good thing for you and get your extricated from this Step nightmare as quickly and definitively as possible.
Take care of yourself.
Sincere regards,
Rags
Wow. Your doing the steps
Wow. Your doing the steps needed for a better life. Good for you!