Thoughts, Advice, Suggestions?

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My dad has a step-daughter who is a few years younger than me. She has two girls around the same age as my SD. The girls and their mom (my step-sister) live in the same town as my dad and my step-mom, so they are at their house practically all the time.

FDH, SD and I live about 40 minutes from them, so we see them every once in a while, like holidays and birthdays etc., but everyone is always so busy.

Well, my SD had a softball game in their town last week and I contacted my dad to let him know, since he's only ever come to one of her games and it would be convenient for him, and an opportunity for us to see each other. Turns out, my STEP-sister's KID had a game at the exact same time, so he said he couldn't make it to my SD's game.

I was hurt because 1) He sees that side of the family ALL the time 2) I'm his daughter, the other game was his STEP-daughter's KID's game 3) He goes to this kids's games all the time 4) He's only ever been to ONE of my SD's games.

I can't help but feel like he chooses his step-daughter and step-grandkids over me, his own daughter, and my feelings. He's very close to these kids because their bio-grandfather lives in another state, and he and my SM have watched them for years while my step-sister worked. But seriously, he couldn't miss ONE of her games to see my SD's when we were in town??

My SM seems to have a pretty good hold on him, so I'm wondering if maybe this isn't a case of 'wife comes first' by default? In other words, my dad would have gotten in trouble by SM if he went to my SD's game instead of her granddaughter's game?

This is all bothering me now because Father's Day is coming up and I was going to have my dad and SM here for a nice dinner. Now, I just don't want to. And, I got an email two days ago from my SM TELLING my brother and I when to be at their place for my step-sister's suprise party. I replied that I will not be available. My step-sister has always been pretty spoiled, and most everything has always been about her and her kids. (This is the step-sister who has been given some of MY grandma's things after she died.)

It's like I don't even want to make an effort for them if my dad can't do one simple little thing like attend ONE of SD's softball games because he'll miss ONE of step-granddaughter's games. This is just a reoccurring theme in situations with them.

I'm really sorry this got so long, I'm bad at summarizing, and I probably should have posted this as a blog.

Any suggestions, thoughts or advice is welcome (as far as canceling Father's Day plans and attending the party).

I understand where you're

I understand where you're coming from. I wouldn't have been upset if he had previously scheduled plans, or if this wasn't such a reoccurring theme with him putting his step-daughter before his own daughter.

It was just the fact that he chose to go to his step-daughter's kid's game (which he goes to all time) instead of attending ONE for my SD while we were in town.

He didn't even know when and where the games were until I said something, so plans were not set in stone. Also, it's not like he HAD to be there because she would't have anyone else there to watch her. SGD has her mom, dad, uncle, sister and grandmom go to all of her games.

ETA: I know this comes off as 'petulant', but not doing the Father's Day and party thing is not to 'get back' at anyone. It's honestly because I just don't want to be around them. They are all very narcissistic people.

I never ask anything of my dad, I thought he could do this one thing.

Again, I understand, and

Again, I understand, and agree with, most of what you're saying. I appreciate it as well. When he told me he couldn't come, I let it go. I thought if he doesn't care enough to make this one effort, I'll have to accept that. But then when I think of doing something for him for Father's Day, I think why?

Seriously though, is it really too much to ask that he come to ONE game, while we're in the area and he didn't even know SGD's game schedule yet?? Is it going to hurt him or her to not be at ONE of her games so that he can be at ONE of ours?

Regarding what you said below:

'Your Dad does have the right to see who he wants without you playing blood family / step family.' Yes he does, and he always chooses the later...wouldn't that hurt your feelings? And, why must I always be the one to reach out to him?

It's hard to think of my dad putting my step-sister first in so many things as just petty crap.

Are you saying that I should keep trying, and keep getting hurt, so that I don't have any regrets when he's gone? Damn, I don't know if I have the strength for that, but he is 77.

If I am right, it's not his

If I am right, it's not his bio grandkid either way is it. You invited him to a game of your sd. And if he doesn't see your sd that often, then he won't feel close to her, will he. He might be closer to your stepsister's kids, just because he sees them more.
But to be honest, why not tell your dad you would appreciate him skipping the other game for a change. Not in an aggresiv way, but friendly.
and I think it is totally up to you if you want to invite your dad for fathersday or not. There again, it is pretty late to invite him. He might have other plans again.

You are correct. Yes, I could

You are correct.

Yes, I could have asked him if he minded skipping just one of his SGD's games, but I guess I didn't have the balls and didn't want to risk being shot down again.

I'm always worried about other peoples' feelings, even if they've hurt mine, so I just didn't want to cause any strife. That's why I'm also concerned about Father's Day. Even though I don't feel as though he's been much of a father to me, I'm afraid just sending a card won't be enough. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't care so much about someone's else's feelings if they rarely take mine into consideration. This game situation was really just one of many many things that I deal/have dealt with.

Thanks for your response.

Except that's not how it went

Except that's not how it went down.

I took your words to heart,

I took your words to heart, thanked you for them and explained myself. Sorry if you were only able to see me as 'throwing a hissy fit'.

Have you dealt with your father be more caring, loving and involved with your step-sisters' lives than your own?? Truthfully? If not, you couldn't understand. If you have, and you say it doesn't/hasn't bothered you, you're lying to yourself.

I totally see you agreeing with Sueu2 though.

Then I would be shocked if

Then I would be shocked if there weren't a bit of jealousy there. Otherwise you must be hard as a rock.

Sorry you had to go, and have

Sorry you had to go, and have to go, through that. Life is definitely not fair at times.

I can't say that it's

I can't say that it's unbelievable that your dad has put out a lot of money towards your step-siblings and has not helped you. Same here. My dad paid a lot towards my step-sister's house, but never helped my brothers or I out.

Like I said in a post further down, this was really a culmination of things. Just one example of me getting to a point of not wanting to even try anymore.

No, my step-mother may not have anything to do with it, and I'm not blaming her. It's on him if she pressured him to go to her granddaughter's game and he couldn't make his own decision. I am not saying this was the case though. Another poster said she wished she knew what my SM was like, so I told her. Many people, not just me, know how she is. But I don't hold her accountable for his actions and decisions.

Thanks notasm, I appreciate

Thanks notasm, I appreciate your sensible (and humorous) advice... everywhere I read it actually.

I haven't even said anything to him about it, which is why I vented here and thought I would get more reasonable responses. People can say what they want, I get that they're allowed to do that.

I don't believe my post came across as being bratty or childish. It's just so utterly obvious when someone is trying to get your goat.

These types of situations have been going on for a long time, and I've always kept the hurt feelings to myself. Really, I stopped trying to fit the square peg into the round hole a while ago. I think because of his age I may be feeling as though I need to try to spend a little more time with him. But as you say, I can't make him do anything, so I just have to try and accept things the way they are.

Some of the other posters seems to think I don't have the right to have these feelings...I don't know, maybe I don't. But I certainly don't think I came across as bratty. One thing I've NEVER been is self-absorbed.

Thanks for your insight.

I think that you have to take

I think that you have to take yourself out of this equation. Your dad not wanting or making the time to go and watch your SD's game is about his relationship with her, not his relationship with you.

You said that you only see him on birthday's and holidays despite only living 40 mins away. As your SD she has probably not been in his life that long and it doesn't seem like you have tried to foster a relationship between them too much. You want him to act like a grandfather towards her but it is his choice as to how he acts towards your SD. It seems he doesn't feel that attached or obligated towards her. And as hard as that might feel that is his choice and that is ok. You need to reach some sort of acceptance of that fact. Your SD has other family and doesn't need to see his choices as rejection of her and you don't need to see his choices towards her as rejection of you.

Now your own stepsister, your father had a role in bringing up. He has seen and been involved in the upbringing of her child as well so he feels more grandfatherly towards that child. And as hard as that might feel that is his choice and that is ok. You need to reach some sort of acceptance of that fact.

I suspect if you had a child yourself that your dad would have a different type of relationship with them to what you are seeing with these two girls. As he would feel different attachments towards them.

You are currently trying to project what you would want for your own biological child onto your SD. But she is not your biological child and is in no way more related to your father than you step sisters child. Your father has no obligations towards either child. As a result his actions are based on his relationship and involvement with both of them and it sounds like he has a more involved relationship with his step daughters child.

If you want your father to have more of a relationship with your step daughter then I wouldn't recommend getting offended over this and I would see fathers day as a chance for you to reconnect with him and to get past your current sense of rejection on your step daughters behalf. He is your dad enjoy him being your dad. Don't expect him to be your stepdaughters granddad. If he chooses to do nice things with her or for her then that is great, but he doesn't have to treat her like his grand daughter and doesn't have to treat her the same as anybody elses child.

Thanks BethAnne, that was a

Thanks BethAnne, that was a very well thought out reply and I so appreciate it.

You are right, he is closer to my step-sister's daughters than to my step-daughter. I actually do accept this because I realize he has spent years more time with them than with my SD. I certainly do not expect him to be a 'grandfather figure' to her. We just don't spend enough time with them for that to foster.

If I would have taken myself out of this equation, the whole thing wouldn't have bothered me as much. But, since we were going to be right near where he lives, it was also a chance for us to sit together, catch up and watch the game.

I felt as though he chose to be with his SGD, who he sees almost everyday, than come watch a game with me while I was in his town.

So, most everyone really thinks it was unreasonable for me to feel somewhat hurt by this?

Basically: 10 games for my step-sister's kid --- 1 for myself & SD while we're in town??

I just can't see this as asking for too much?

I've just read the other

I've just read the other comments below and I agree with them. You weren't clear with anyone what you really wanted. I read your original post that you wanted your dad to be there for your SD. That is how I responded. TBH I didn't even think that you would be at the game from your OP, did your dad know that you would be there? Your dad probably took your request that he wanted you there for your SD. If you wanted to spend time with your dad then you need to be direct about it.

Your feelings are not unreasonable, but neither is his response and actions.

If you want to spend time with your dad ask to spend time with him. If you want him to support your SD, let him know that you would really appreciate it as would she and that it isn't a vague, "hey if you're around and free then swing by" kind of request but "it would mean a lot to us if you could possibly spare the time to come and support SD and spend some time catching up with me, it would be great to see you" request.

Remember that no one is a mind reader and men in particular don't get subtext or nuances very easily. So be direct. They also don't see how their actions could be interpreted negatively so don't take everything to heart (or when you do, as we are all apt to, remind yourself that he doesn't mean everything in the way you are interpreting it).

You're right. I didn't

You're right. I didn't really verbalize the fact that I thought it would be nice for him to be there. Here are his exact words from an email (I cut and pasted, only changing names) when I told him that SD had a game in his town that he could come to:

"I'd like to see 'sd' play at 'so and so' Park, but for the time being it looks like it's the same time as 'my step-sister's daughter's name' game at 'blah blah' Field."

I felt that told me all I needed to know and didn't want to push it.

So basically, he wouldn't fore-go attending her game in order to make it to SD's, (again, even though he sees her all the time, and can go to her games anytime..and does). But no, I didn't tell him that I would appreciate him coming with us because I was afraid it would cause strife with his wife and/or make things awkward and just not be worth it. I don't want to beg, and shouldn't have to. I just have to accept that he's gonna do what he wants, but it's not easy.

I don't think you're being

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's only natural to feel some pain and jealousy with this situation. Unfortunately, your dad made his decision and I think it will better prepare you for your future relationship.

Thanks. It's not easy to

Thanks. It's not easy to accept that your own parent may care more about someone else's child than they do you.

I really feel for you. It

I really feel for you. It sounds like you have to share your father with a lot of other females, which can be tough at times.

Have you considered taking all the gskids out of the equation and just working on your relationship with your father? You alluded to a lot of other issues so I'm not sure if the suggestion is viable. Do you make time for him, call him, invite him for coffee, etc?

Time is short if your dad is in his seventies. And as an adult orphan, I can tell you that I wish I had devoted less time to my skids and more to my parents while they were still alive.

I'd pretty much stopped

I'd pretty much stopped inviting him to things when he wouldn't call or return the favor. I figured if he wanted to spend time with me, he would take some initiative as well.

It's just that it starts to make you feel like something's wrong with you.

I think your feelings are

I think your feelings are pretty normal. Unfortunately, you set yourself up for that a bit because you aren't direct about what you want. You want to spend time with your dad, so you ask him to show up for your SD. Your dad heard, "Come see SD play ball." You meant, "Dad, I'm so glad I have the excuse to be near your neighbourhood, I hope you're able to come hang out with me while I'm there bringing SD to her game."

So there's wires getting crossed.

The only way out is for you to be brave enough to say what you really want. It's hard and takes practice, but it does make things ultimately easier.

The more you don't come right out and say what you want, the more confusing it is for the other person. It's actually easier to get an invitation that says: I'd like to see you next Monday at 2pm to drink tea at my house.... compared to: We should get together soon. You can't do the other person's thinking for them. If your dad INTENDED to reject you by not coming to SD's game isn't clear, because all he did was not come to SD's game. If you ask him to come spend time with you because you would like that and he doesn't want to, then that's clear.

I get it, it seems easier to leave things fuzzy because then you never get confronted with the black-and-white of things. But it's actually harder because now you're spending a bunch of energy on the not-knowing.

So you don't think the

So you don't think the concept could resonate in him that maybe he attend my SD's game for once instead of SGD's game that he goes to ALL the time? (Even taking me somewhat out of the equation.)

No. Your SD and his SGD are

No. Your SD and his SGD are not so very important to him. If you asked him to come see SD play, and he sees on his agenda that he's already booked to go see SGD play, then he can't cancel one slightly boring thing for some other, equal, slightly boring thing. That would be bad manners. He didn't pick up on the fact that it would be with you, which is the main selling point.

However, I am pretty sure that if you had told him what you REALLY want, he would have responded differently. Either that, or you wouldn't be blogging about being unsure because you'd know.

Next time, call him to say - Hey Dad, I would love to spend time with you and it's too bad that day-to-day life gets so busy. I'm going to be near you anyway next week/tomorrow for xyz reason. Would you be able to join me? I know xyz reason isn't so special, but time with you is special these days!

I'll share something a bit personal with you. I was raised to be such a people-pleaser that the day came when I genuinely didn't even know what I wanted anymore. I was in counselling and this came up as part of why I was not happy. My assignment was to make up things to make decisions about. Even if I didn't care. If someone asked if I wanted the door open or closed - I made a decision. What restaurant to go to - I made a decision. In the past I would leave it up to someone else, because it wasn't important. I noticed after practicing this for a week or two that I felt much stronger in myself. It got easier to say things I found difficult, like telling my husband I was mad at him, or asking a friend to help me with something. I think you're a little bit like I was (and sometimes still am). But it's gotten so much better and I wish that for you too.

Thank you! And thanks for

Thank you! And thanks for sharing that with me. It's not easy to learn to be assertive - I'm always afraid I'm going to hurt someone's feelings. I've gotten better about it as well, especially with being in a step situation, otherwise I'd get walked all over. I don't think anyone could be happy in this kind of environment if they weren't able to stand up for themselves somewhat.

I guess I was hoping that, being my dad, I wouldn't have to persuade him. I know that he hadn't had set plans yet because he still had to check the schedule. I wanted him to WANT to come without me having to practically coerce him. Plus, he loves going to these games. But, like someone else said, maybe he has some kind of 'standing obligation' to be there. Although it's not like SGD doesn't have a bunch of people there for her already.

Oh well, live and learn.

You know, the older people

You know, the older people get, the more weirdly set in their ways they get. And some things that you noticed before just a bit get really really obvious. Maybe your dad is just being more of those annoying qualities as part of aging. I can tell you my mom has gotten worse with the little things so now they're a factor in every conversation.

For example, I have lived overseas for 6 years, and before that for 15 years on the other side of the country (same distance from where she lives - about 6 hours in a plane). I've always maintained pretty regular contact with my mom, calls and visits. 1.5 years ago I had DD. My mom *constantly* says how she's so sad she can't have a relationship with DD due to distance. I went with DD to visit for 3 weeks. Guess how much time my mom wanted to spend with DD? None. Guess how much time she wanted to spend with me? None. She asked me to run a bunch of errands for her and her friends... but hang out and connect? No way. Then when I'm leaving to go home again, she talks about what a great visit it was and how sad she is that DD and I live so far away.

It makes no sense. But I have stopped getting so hurt by it, because it's certainly not going to change. Although I make very sure that I'm going to get what I want before I go out of my way to please my mom. She just can't 'be there' in a relationship with me, so I have to take care of myself rather than leave it up to her. And my mom is about the same age as your dad.

That could be, he's always

That could be, he's always been set in his ways and it doesn't help that he's a bit of a narcissist.

:jawdrop: I can't believe your mom complained about not getting to see your DD, so you travel the whole way there and then she doesn't spend time with you anyway?? When you say 'taking care of yourself' do you mean that you no longer try to be with her in order to protect yourself from getting hurt?

That's how I feel with my dad...I don't want to push him into things so that I'm not disappointed when he declines. I kinda just want to give up.

I don't know how to not feel hurt by your own father caring more about kids that aren't his than he does his own. Does this really make me a brat??

" feel hurt by your own

" feel hurt by your own father caring more about kids that aren't his than he does his own "

That's your interpretation. You've drawn that conclusion from your dad's action/non-actions, and as much as actions speak louder than words, words would clarify a lot of otherwise fairly ambiguous situations. I am sure you have a boatload of examples, because I know you're not imagining things, but if they are along the same lines as your original example, it's still a somewhat flimsy foundation to base a conclusion on.

There have indeed been times where I severely limited contact with my mom. I've needed the time to figure out what I was going to accept - and what I was going to give. And before I could do that I had to stop whatever was a problem in the moment, then allow the feelings to be less intense, then think about and try to understand why I'd been hurt. Only then could I come up with creative options to consider going forward. Otherwise I tend to stick to my animal-self options, for me flight or freeze.

I think you just got the brat comments because on the face of it, being angry because someone failed to cancel previous plans, at the last minute, to do something not so interesting (watch their grand-SD play baseball), does sound selfish and entitled. Not everyone can see that your problem wasn't the situation, it was how you were feeling about and coping with the bigger picture. And the comments you've found useful are the ones that gave you insight into yourself and into your dad, rather than the ones that looked at that one specific interaction.

Yes, without talking to him

Yes, without talking to him everything is my own interpretation. It's difficult to come to a different conclusion when there have been so many instances as this one. I didn't make it clear in my original post that this kind of situation is a reoccurring theme with him.

'someone failed to cancel previous plans, at the last minute, to do something not so interesting (watch their grand-SD play baseball), does sound selfish and entitled'

Regarding the above, I don't think I made it clear until later in the thread that this wasn't the case. He didn't have scheduled plans and I didn't inform him of the game last minute. Plus, he enjoys going to softball games...just not my SD's, apparently, (kidding, kind of).

Anyway,I guess I need to decide whether or not it would be worth it to bring up some of these feelings I have with him. I sort of like to be able to tell myself that he doesn't have a clue, but I know that he does.

Thank you so much for taking the time to understand how I'm feeling and to share your thoughts and experience!

Exjulie and moeilijk - you

Exjulie and moeilijk - you guys are awesome. You make so much sense and I will try to be better at being more direct with what I want, and continue to initiate get togethers since he doesn't call me.

I guess I've been hoping that he would come around and realize how much more time he spends with his skids than his own. Maybe he just doesn't even think about it...he's always been pretty narcissistic.

Thank you!

I'm sorry, but you just

I'm sorry, but you just wasted your time writing all of this because I didn't read any of it. Maybe someone else will get some joy from it.

I doubt there will be any joy

I doubt there will be any joy from anything she has to say. I haven't been here long, but from what I can gather is she is some pathetic, internet troll since all I've seen her post are rude and insulting posts. She's one of those "I can be tough here because no one will ever be able to hold me accountable to my face" people. She's a joke. I will be ignoring anything from her on any of my future posts as well.

The only thing "spot on"

The only thing "spot on" about her is her trolling. She digs through posts on here only to comment where she can insult, demean, and judge.

"SHE has been here for years."
That is absolutely frightening! That does not make me think, "Oh, she must be very wise." It makes me feel sorry for the amount of people who have put up with her insults and abuse over the years. It also makes me think she must be very weak in her personal life to spend so many years coming to this site to attack others in order to feel powerful.

Yep. Being a member on this

Yep.

Being a member on this site for years doesn't mean your smarter, more relevant, or have more authority than anyone else.

That's a 'cliquey' type of mentality.

All it means is that you have a good idea of who is who and what is what.

ETA: Although, the who is who part can get tricky when usernames are changed or multiple usernames are used by a single member!

I did not read all of the

I did not read all of the responses but I am sure there is plethora of constructive of advice from forum members .

Have you ever spoken to your father about this? It might be batter to spare your feelings/emotions/resentment/etc. over this issue until you speak to him first.I agree with you that women/mothers usually dictate family events and I am sure his wife wanted to go to her grandchild's game.
Sometimes men are oblivious to why actions like this would lead to hurt feelings, I think you should talk to him about it.

My parents were very rude about an important life event that skipped due to made up drama and I went a year without visiting them in protest. I spoke with them several times regarding the issue and we came to an understanding, but lost a year in the process. A year we can't get back...

Sorry you had to go through

Sorry you had to go through something similar in order to understand what I'm feeling. It's a sad and difficult situation.

I don't know if I could sit down and talk with him about all of this or not. He's already 77, and I've just figured I'd leave it alone and not cause any awkwardness in whatever time he has left here. I should have talked with him years ago, but I think I was afraid it wouldn't make a difference. So yeah, in a way it's my fault too.

He is 77? You are right. Odds

He is 77? You are right. Odds are he is going to be set in his ways/have his mind made up, but you never know. I had to get a bit "stern" with my parents regarding my issue. My mother tends to emotionally manipulate people and situations and I was not trying to hear it! My father listened and apologized.

She might be Sueu2 for all I

She might be Sueu2 for all I know! She's certainly controlling, a know-it-all, and territorial. I could go on and on about things she's done, but it would take too long and I might sound like I'm whining.

ETA: I would never do anything like she's done to me to my SD...if that says anything.

Thank goodness, because I

Thank goodness, because I just threw up in my mouth a little with the thought of that.

The comment is none of your business, and I don't need to explain it to you.

Please refrain from responding to any of my posts and I will return the favor. (Someone wise once gave me some good advice about this.)

Please refrain from

Please refrain from responding to any of my posts and I will return the favor. (Someone wise once gave me some good advice about this.)

*********

Excellent choice.

Why thank you! I'm learning.

Thanks MarieJeanne, I

Thanks MarieJeanne,

I actually thought of that too late...the blog and ability to delete deal. Although, some people seem to get pissed when you delete posts. It's fine, I can skip over certain posters. It's fairly obvious, after all this time, who is who and where things come from.

Well, after all these years it starts to feel like you're beating a dead horse, but still holding out hope that it will wake up and think of someone besides itself or someone else's kid. This was biscally a culmination of things, so maybe more than just a softball game. Like a snipet of a much larger picture that I didn't want to delve into and bore everyone with.

Being a stepmother and having a SD myself, I can see where this may come off to some SMs as a daddy's girl complaining. That is not the case in the least. I have never been anything but nice and polite to my SM, and have never tried to come in between them. I understand and accept that his priorities lay with his wife, as they should, but I think it's a little different when those priorities extend to her children and grandchildren. Maybe I'm wrong.

Yeah that sucks. I get your

Yeah that sucks.

I get your hurt feelings ~ I have hesitated to respond for my own personal take on this but you cleared it up that you never had a problem with your step mom.

It's difficult not to take his decline emotionally. But I hope it was just the timing on his part. I don't think your take was unrealistic on you being in the right place & the right time to visit with your Dad.

someone needs to be the hero in this hurt incident. I hope you both can explain yourselves n clear the air.

Thanks.

Yes. They do live right by

Yes. They do live right by him and he sees them all the time, which is why it was so frustrating that he couldn't give up ONE single game to come see us when we were practically right there!

Gaahhh, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I may be being unrealistic for feeling that HE was unrealistic.

I have a hard time asking for what I want when I feel as though the person may not want to give it willingly...even if it's my dad.

If your parent was constantly putting you on the back burner for someone other than his wife, would you continue to want to put yourself in a position of getting shot down again and again? I guess I need to try and invite him to do something weeks and weeks ahead of time, with a set date and time, so that he can't have any excuses.

If this were a SO I was taking about, people would say that I shouldn't have to try so hard, and to find someone else. Being that he's the only dad I have, I guess I have to decide whether or not it's worth my emotional well-being to keep trying. It's just sad.

I struggle with this ~ I

I struggle with this ~

I know my DF would move mountains for some attention from his daughter. He is not in her rotation of life ~ I believe "I" am her issue. If my SD made plans with her father I would welcome notion of him actually meaning something to her. Although if he asked me to go ~ I would decline. She is not on my radar.

I am a part of his life but not his life. His daughter counts to him just as mine do to me. She is just toxic to me & my children.

You can never fully understand someone's actions unless you ask. I think for men it's difficult for them to show their emotional side to see vulnerable ~ it's uneasy n uncomfortable. With that being said ~ maybe set up a lunch date with him n see how that pans out.

Thanks so much for sharing

Thanks so much for sharing that MarieJeanne, you're very sweet.

It sounds as though our fathers could be very similar.

I get that, I'm expecting too

I get that, I'm expecting too much. He didn't raise my step-sister though, her mom and my dad married when she was about twenty-two. My SD sees him on holidays and birthdays and they get along really well.

Taking my SD out of it, I thought he might at least want to come be with me for a bit since we were right there.

It's difficult to explain the whole situation and all of the feelings involved. Going over all of the past would take forever.

Oh, and I don't think my SM even goes to all of the games, so it's not like he would be leaving her.

Thanks for your

Thanks for your support.

Actually, I did get him a card - ha. But, I was originally going to have him and SM to dinner. I just feel weird about that now, so I scrapped that idea for the time being.

You are here

Thoughts, Advice, Suggestions?