New and have some issues, any help would be great.
So I am a step parent of a little girl (lets call her Frozenbutt) and a bio mom to a 1 year old (lets call him littleball), so I have been married a little less than 3 years and the whole time BM has been crazy. She has no boundaries with us, coming over at all times of the day and night to see Frozenbutt, but refuses to tell DH where his daughter is when she has her.
I could go on about her and her crazy but we are having a specific issue right now and I am not sure what to do....here goes it!
So we are moving and at the same time trying to enroll Frozenbutt into summer activities. My DH has been asking BM for almost a year for FB's social security card and birth certificate, of course I know he can order both but he hasn't. And now we are facing some issues, I need her documents to register her for daycamp for the summer next week and we need to transfer her to her new school next month. I am irritated at DH for not getting on this and getting her documents sooner and irritated that BM is holding them hostage.
Fun fact my husband won legal custody of his daughter in late 2014, he elected to have 50/50 physical custody, so I am not sure if this her trying to keep control or what. It just irritates me since I am the one who does all the paperwork and cant!! Seems dumb?? I feel kinda dumb for caring but I am myself a control freak and need summer figured out!
I completely agree! I am just
I completely agree! I am just being selfish since it impacts me since I am the one who does all the summer stuff for the kiddos. I just wish they could be adults, which I think it a wish that will never come home. They love to deny each other things to be spiteful.
Order your own, I know it
Order your own, I know it won't help for this situation but they are needed either way!
When ExH and me had kids we ordered 3, 2 copies and one for the Baby book. Part of our divorce was to agree that each of us got one.
Good luck!
So what I have learned to
So what I have learned to today is you need to know the SSN to order the card, and she will not even give him that information.
He talked to the school and
He talked to the school and they are going to give him the SSN so he can get the birth certificate next week and do exactly that.
Thanks for your comments.We
Thanks for your comments.We want her in summer camp (its a city ran day camp, not a sleep away camp) since we both work and she needs to go somewhere during the day, any option we choose (day camp versus day care) we need that information. You are right DH dropped the ball not because he doesn't care but because I think he is just kind of a dumb ass. He honestly thought this would never be an issue when he got legal custody. He was wrong and I get the whole idea of just walking away and not dealing with it, but I can't, thats not how I am built. But man sometimes I wish it was.
Also I am not sure where you can get a SS card over your lunch hour without a SSN and a birth certificate, and you need a SSN to get a birth certificate in this county, so even if he wanted to her keeping the number from him is the largest issue at this point. It is exhausting but I DH is the one dealing with it, he asked, he got the lawyer involved, not sure if that will even do anything she ignores everyone anyway. *sigh*
Just an FYI, whoever you guys
Just an FYI, whoever you guys talk to that said you have to have a SSN to get a birth certificate is most likely wrong. Federal gov't requires you to have a birth certificate to apply for a SSN... which means it would be literally impossible to do if local gov't won't supply you with a birth certificate until after you've got a SSN! Whoever you talked to is correct that it would make it *easier* to get the birth certificate (since it would uniquely identify the person), but you can provide other info instead (name of hospital, DOB, etc) - you just need to provide enough to ID the person.
The social security number
The social security number for BS was in our divorce decree, was present in our CO's and is used every year for taxes. Sorry that you're not able to get SD into the camp for summer.
Our county does not include
Our county does not include children's SSN in the court orders or decrees. I am not sure why but I check all of his versions, all of the temp orders basically everything he had. Nothing
I simply don't get the issue.
I simply don't get the issue. DH goes down to courthouse, picks up birth certificate, drives to social security office with said certificate gets receipt/proof with SS card to follow. This cann be done immediately by DH....tell DH to quit making excuses and make it happen. Leave BM out of it.
I did its true, she makes
I did its true, she makes everything way more complicated and drawn out then it needed to be. Its her way of controlling the situation and it just hurts the kid. But Im sorry I irritated you with my post asking for help
So Ive been reading posts on here for a while and everyone complains about their SKids and BM and thats cool, and a lot of the junk is just dumb, some valid, but mine garners your response? Seriously I wanted suggestions (which I got, thanks for everyone who did, we figured out the situation and have the lawyer on it as well, just to be safe) but you just seem to want to be a jerk. So thanks but no thanks.
Delaying for some reason
Delaying for some reason seems to be a fairly common characteristics for many bio parents who live in a blended family world. It may be that the unpleasant interfaces with the toxic X are so frequent that trying to deal with these administrative kind of things.
My DW would occasionally run into those periods herself. She did recently in fact though it had nothing to do with the kid this time.
I finally came to the conclusion that when she has one of these phases it was on me to kick off the activity and keep the message front and center that it had to be done. Keep the pressure on until she engaged. Often that had far fewer consequences than letting things happen otherwise.
Thats exactly how I feel!
Thats exactly how I feel!