Brand new to site, signed up specifically due to recent events and at a complete loss! Background, I've been in a long term relationship, we are not married....we are both divorced over 17 years now, from our children's other bio parent. We each have 3 children, his are 2 son's; 35 & 33 and daughter 24, mine are 2 son's 28 & 26 and my daughter is 25. My boyfriend is 15 years older, we have been together over 8 years now. First couple of years my children were a little distant and unsure, had concerns over age difference, never expressed it to my boyfriend or treated him poorly, just distant, now we all have a great relationship. His kids, first couple of years were great, until we became more serious and started building a life and future together. Over the past 6 years things have just gotten progressively worse with his children. I should also note; his 3 children live out of state.

Almost 2 years ago, for my boyfriend's birthday all of his children and their significant others came to our home and stayed with us to celebrate. I offered and paid for the airline tickets, for his daughter and her boyfriend of 3 years, I knew she was in college and didn't have much money, and for her boyfriend as a gesture that I was treating him like family. I should note; during previous visits from his kids and his son's girlfriends they have all treated me like the maid, cook or fixture and everything we have built together, is all their Dad's. I should also mention that these kids have financially taken advantage of their father in the past, ruined his credit, etc. I guess I should also mention, that my boyfriend and his ex-wife (kids mother) were also alcoholics. While my boyfriend got sober when his youngest son started college, my boyfriend moved out state shortly thereafter, their mother remains an alcoholic today. I think all parents with kids from a divorce feel we want to over compensate because of guilty feelings over our children being without both parents in the household. My boyfriend had double the guilt from divorce to the drinking and over-compensated to an extreme. Prior to getting sober he partied, drank, smoked pot with his son's and their friends and was the "cool Dad" who let them do anything they wanted and they got anything wanted. Anyway, during the visit to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday, we planned a simple barbecue and invited my children over as our kids rarely have an opportunity to interact and we would at least like to see them together. As the evening went on, his younger son proceeded to drink and start asking his Dad if he could ride my quad around the backyard (his father's quad was in the shop, another story) and his Dad told him no, we have neighbors, late hour, etc. This son, proceeded to get nasty, so I said I was tired and going to bed...around 10:30pm. Anyway, the evening did not end well and let's just say I was disgusted. I completely shut down. The next day, I basically stayed in our bedroom as I didn't want to engage with the kids, honestly I didn't even know what to say. Their language and disrespect of their father and our home, I just needed a break after the last 3 days of dealing with their bad behavior.

Shortly after the birthday incident, his oldest son told his father that they were all so uncomfortable being at our house because on Sunday I rarely came out of our bedroom and told their father that I was completely rude and offended them and if they come visit again, they will not stay with us, because of me. I waited a couple of weeks and in effort to try and figure out a way to fix things for my boyfriend, I called the oldest son (who I thought was the most reasonable) and said to him, I would like to try and fix whats broken, which his son replied "we don't get you" and I responded to him saying "I feel..." and the son cut me off immediately and said, "we don't care how you feel", you make us uncomfortable, so we will not come stay at our Dad's anymore, I responded and told him, that will hurt your father and I was hoping we could find some resolution, so everyone would feel comfortable, he responded, "oh well, we don't care", I said that's unfortunate and he said okay, bye, and hung up. Shortly after this the younger son, got engaged to be married. When the wedding invitation came, they did not include me. My boyfriend called and expressed how disappointed he was, the response was "well, if she really wants to come, she can". I'm obviously not going to show up somewhere I'm not invited, or welcomed, duh! My boyfriend was completely torn about going, I encouraged him to go, I purchased wedding gifts from their registry and had them shipped to them, with it being a destination wedding, I booked his father's flight, hotel and rental car. My boyfriend and I discussed in great length what was the best way to approach the situation and my boyfriend decided he would attend the ceremony, support the wedding, see his son get married, but skip the reception and share he didn't feel comfortable without me and hoped the kids would appreciate all the effort made, that he came to show his support, but express his disappointment. The day of the wedding the kids treated him like garbage, made no effort to include him in the festivities, at one point he had sent me a text message and said he was getting in the car and leaving, as he had been sitting in the hotel lobby for 3 hours by himself and none of his kids would answer calls, texts or come get him and include him in anything. I encouraged him to stay, it was probably hectic, it's about his son and bride and be patient. He ended up staying for 30 minutes into the reception until he could find the right time to pull his kids aside and tell them he was leaving and how hurt he was by their actions and asked them if they cared if he was happy. It ended up blowing up in his face and all these kids could focus on was that he was leaving and how rotten that was, and the I ended up getting text messages that were extremely nasty, disgusting and threatening in nature from his kids. Oh and we never received a thank you for the wedding gifts from his son or new wife.

Shortly after this, the oldest son got engaged, newly married son and wife got pregnant and I once again was not invited to the wedding. My boyfriend called his son and said he would come to the ceremony to support the wedding, but would not attend the reception and shared his disappointment again over their decision and unwillingness to try and work things out. New grandbaby came, these kids refuse to tell my boyfriend about his new grandchild, and oldest son told him if he was uninvited to his wedding if he was only coming to his ceremony and he would have him escorted out if he showed up. It's either these kids way or no-way! It appears to me these kids what irresponsible drinking Dad, but sober...they have issues with responsible and sober Dad...but what do I know!

How do we address this? How do we move forward? What else can we do to try and mend things? We are at a complete loss!!! Oh...by the way, the daughter does whatever her 2 brothers tell her to do.