Soooo we arent going to be vacationing alone?
so I planned this sweet getaway for my SO and I to Cancun. All I asked her to do was to get the time off and I would take care of everything else. She was reluctant and said "a week is too long, who's going to do SS06 stuff?" ( like his daily routine of being dropped off at school and being picked up). I said "oh. I don't know. HIS FATHER!"
SS06's dad is totally in the picture and is involved and willing to keep SS06 overnight whenever he isn't working. his dad is actually really great.
So I said, "Soooo we aren't going to be taking any adult vacations bc of SS06?" and she said "more often then not he will have to come with us"
She then asked if he could come with us on this romantic mini vacation I was trying to plan. Since he's an only child he will need all the attention " mom, look at me. look at this, watch this, what are we doing next? I don't want to do that! I do want to eat there!"
I'm super bummed out. When she asked if SS06 could come with us, It felt like my heart dropped into my stomach. all that planning and reserving and saving... I'm pretty disappointed.
Am I being an ass about this? should he be included in every or most vacations? when I was a kid my parents went on getaways by themselves and it was fine.
Maybe she would feel better
Maybe she would feel better if the trip was planned during a time when the kid was scheduled to be with his dad for an extended period of time. (Summer, spring break...)
It possible she feels guilty about dumping the kid on dad during her scheduled time so that she can go off on a romantic vacation. It really isn't fair to dad to expect him to be her fill in while she's on vacation. If dad has a new wife, I guarantee you she won't be happy about having the kid around for an extra week while mom is off having a grand time in Mexico.
well it would have been at
well it would have been at the end of july, so SS06 goes to summer day camp from 8am-6pm. I work in education so I can only vacation during school breaks anyway.
I agree though, she probably feels guilty, not so much for leaving SS06 with dad since there isn't really scheduled time and he lives with us 95% of the time but for not seeing him for a week.
I guess I'm just really disappointed in the thought of not being able to vacation alone every once in a while, especially since the trips we have taken are ones geared toward kid interests.
I would be disappointed too.
I would be disappointed too. And I don't think it's wrong of you to expect a getaway for two.
Maybe-in the future-it will be something you and her plan together, that way she is envolved and can do/plan what ever needs done for the child so she won't feel guilty and you both can enjoy your time alone.
EVERY couple needs alone time!!!
that sounds nice, maybe I can
that sounds nice, maybe I can spin it for my birthday too! well SS06 lives with us 95% of the time since his dad works on the road. sometimes when SS06's dad is working on tour, we have him for months. So, I don't at all feel bad about making him stay with his dad for 5 days since the most he's ever done is 3 in a row.
I like that birthday idea though. good tip!
Sigh, I would have been in
Sigh, I would have been in heaven if the ex-SO had done something like this for me (us)
I am so sorry she didn't appreciate your efforts, I imagine you must feel pretty unimportant in her life right now.
Can you try talking to her again and explain why this is important to you and what you need? Its not all about what she wants, there has to be give and take and mutual respect and effort to meet each others relationship needs. You aren't asking for months on end, just a week.
Try and stay calm and factual, use *I* statements and no blaming etc, just "I would really like to do this just you and I, our relationship is still fairly new (I am guessing due to SS being only 6) and we need to spend some romantic time just being us. This is important to me for .... reasons." Also, I am guessing you spend a lot of time doing with and for ss6? Tell her that, explain that you have no problem with it but you just want SOME time to be just the two of you and that is vital for couples, to keep the spark alive. Negotiate and offer alternatives - when its summer break we can take a family trip to ----- (kid friendly place) which will be totally geared towards SS - but please this one is just for us and I would really value and appreciate you making it important as well.
Something like that
Good luck, you sound like a keeper!
I wish I could get a vacation
I wish I could get a vacation without step kids.
It's only a week. She's
It's only a week. She's being unreasonable.
How long have you and your
How long have you and your girlfriend been together? She may not be ready to apart from her son for a week, he's only 6.
Take her away for a romantic weekend instead. Relationships are all about compromise remember.
I think all couples need time
I think all couples need time alone, especially if you have SS 95% of the time.
DH and I have been going on "just us" vacations since a couple of months after we met. Then twice during the year we have "family" vacations to the shore and to New Hampshire. The extended alone time on vacation is so important. Really recharges our batteries.
And then this October we are doing a SERIOUSLY blended family vacation to Disney with me, DH, SD8, BM and her 19year old daughter. Non-adjoining rooms, of course.
My folks started vacationing
My folks started vacationing alone when I turned 16. (now- this is totally different since we were an intact family), but i saw how much they loved it and how good their relationship was (still is) and it made me work like hell for the same kind of relationship.
One of my gf's is going on an adults only for the 3rd time in 3 years, and her son is 9. He chills with his dad, it is planned well in advance and everyone is stoked to do it. Is my gf sad to leave her kid behind? Sure, but the kid would never know it.
sounds scary dependent to me, and you're dead on to feel the way you do.
We've been on vacation once with SD then 12. It was a destination wedding, so she had to be there, roomed with my inlaws.
Snaggletooth made me and DH mental, so there is no way it will happen again.
We did not take without kid
We did not take without kid vacations for several years. When we first married. Finally I put my foot down and told my bride that I would be taking a vacation during the Skid's summer Sperm Land visiation and she could go with me ... or not. Her call. That was a watershed moment as until then she felt guilty about the Skid not being there and insisted that we take our vacations when SS was with us.
I got sick of foregoing our own enjoyment and gave her the choice. Come with me, or not.
She came with me. Tell DW that you are going without the Skid and DW can come ... or not. Her call. She will come with you.