SS30 is at it again
Poor MIL had to go to the hospital early Easter morning. This woman is elderly, worked hard all her life, overdid it in her garden and had to be hospitalized. Afterwards SIL, DH and I were talking and SIL brings up SS30. SS30 currently lives with SIL aka mooches off for her for a paltry amt of rent and eats for free, does not clean up after himself, apparently quit his job and broke up with gf. SIL announces that she is sending him to move back in with us. DH immediately spoke up and said, "No, either him or I would die." Next they talked about sending him back to bm.
In the wee hours of Easter Morning after poor MIL is hospitalized I have to hear about lazy SS30 being ping ponged from family member to family member because none of them can stand him for very long and he "can't" make it on his own. They all "feel sorry" for him and guilty and sorry for him because (here's their excuse) "BM favored ss26 over ss30 when they were kids. Thank God DH said NO to him living with us or I would have been packing my bags. But DH still lets ss30 go without paying his phone bill and DH refuses to take him off OUR plan. I can count 2x that ss30 has actually paid his portion and this has been going on for 7+ years. DH recently bought a car he has to make payments on. Wouldn't be the first time he lost a car due to repossession.
It bugs me that we pay for ss30's phone. It seems like DH keeps this tether to ss30 otherwise ss30 wouldn't talk to him. I guess it's better than him being tethered to our couch, our fridge etc.
SS30 is at it again. "Poor me, I was unloved, everyone must enable and take care of me." Amazing that ss30 comes from this family of hardworking awesome people.
I so agree MJ. Luckily DH put
I so agree MJ. Luckily DH put his foot down first so I didn't have to be the "evil" one this time. It is pathetic that the family has to get together and decide whose couch ss30 is going to slobber on next.
Him being the "unloved one is
Him being the "unloved one is not his issue...Him learning how to milk it for all it's worth from anyone who will feel sorry for hims is his issue...Believing that this is some type of disability is his issue...enabling adults is his issue...Not being responsible for himself at 30 is his issue...Not learning to become an adult is his issue...A 30 year old in diapers is not attractive to anyone...he has not been able to individualize...keeping him mentally a child and dependent on everyone around him.....truth.
Absolutely agree on every
Absolutely agree on every point Peacemaker. He's starting to wear out his welcome even with the heavy enablers of the family.
I mean "SS30" recently bought
I mean "SS30" recently bought a car he has to make payments on. Wouldn't be the first time he lost a car due to repossession!
Need more coffee
Yup, I think this is the ONLY
Yup, I think this is the ONLY way he'll learn. Unfortunately he has a handful of enabling family member that feel "sorry" for poor widdle ss30.
You lost me at SS-30. Time
You lost me at SS-30. Time to cut this POS loose to live at the homeless camp under the overpass. Hopefully you live in a very cold place. Cold and hunger tend to send a very powervul message to these leeching POS people.
If he were mine to cut loose
If he were mine to cut loose I would! Thank god he's not or I would have disowned him long ago.
Oh boy. Reading your
Oh boy. Reading your situation, I can't help wondering, doesn't your husband realize that by cutting off financial support, he'd be equipping that kid to learn some life skills? I see this so often with divorced parents (and sometimes married ones too) -- they indulge way too much and are actually preventing the kids from feeling the pressure to take care of themselves, because they are satisfying their own (irrational) guilty feelings for not being married to the kid's mother, so they want to be the big hero, the pal. I think it's short-sighted and completely absurd, and in the long run, selfish. If I had kids of my own, my first priority would be to prepare them to live in strength, with skills, dignity, self-respect, even if it meant some short-lived moments of disappointment where they didn't get what they wanted.
(I mean no disrespect to your husband. Mine is very similar. The SS25 who still lives with us actually works full time but has no responsibilities, no bills except for his own luxuries of choice, and falls apart at the notion of moving out on his own. I don't believe my husband will ever have the balls to push him out of the nest. This kid will be a basement boy forever, if it's up to them.)
Life skills for a 30 yr old
Life skills for a 30 yr old man...what a concept! I must speak to DH about this. Oh wait...
Enabling is just a way of
Enabling is just a way of crippling someone. SS30 is emotionally crippled in the fact that he's never HAD to learn to get along with other people or support himself. Pulling knives on people while enlisted then got kicked out of the service, never able to live with room mates because they were always so unbearable to be around (his words). Can't keep a woman because he treats them so bad. He came over a few months ago and treated his gf terribly right in front of DH and I. Everytime he's been bailed out of his situation by family.
I have no idea what will happen to ss30. So far he's been successful at the ping pong couch surfing guilting mooching career.
Yesterday SIL comes over and
Yesterday SIL comes over and tells DH that ss30 came in the middle of the night, took his stuff and is now living with mommy.....again. SIL told ss30 no more pot smoking at the house AND if you can't pay rent you can't live here. SS30 has started and quit 3 jobs in the last 5 months. ss30 has burnt his bridges here and now @ SIL's, mommy and other aunt's couches are still left to bounce back and forth on. Here's a thought ss30, grow the hell up! DH actually said that to ss30 6 mos ago and ss30 refused to speak to him for 3 mos.
The good news is that after almost 3 years of marriage DH has agreed to take non paying ss30 off the phone bill. I've counted that ss30 paid twice the entire time I've been in the picture. Oh happy day! Though I'm sure this means that ss30 will refuse to speak with DH for months or more. I'll just have to make sure that DH is busy and having lots of fun to keep his mind off it.
Looking forward to getting SS
Looking forward to getting SS off our phone plan too. It was going to be last December. Then February. Now July. I give up.
Grow the hell up. Now that's a concept. Problem is, my SS never learned the tools of the grownup trade.