Question for the group re: "sleepovers"
Hello everyone,
I am slowly returning to regular posting, after taking an extended hiatus from the site. As a quick refresher, I am step-father to SS24 and SD19. Like many on the site, I endured many years of strife with my skids (primarily SD, though SS caused some issues as well). A couple of years ago, SD moved in with her "perfect" bio-daddy, and last year she joined the army right after graduating high school.
Due largely to SD's diminished role in my life, I have been a lot happier, and less stressed-out. However, I started having having that familiar anxiety when SD came to visit last Christmas, when she had leave from the Army. I managed to hole up in the master bedroom, and was able to avoid SD for the most part. However, there was one thing that happened which kind of concerned me.
SD met a new boyfriend in the Army, who is about 6 years older than her. He flew in for part of the break to visit SD, and my DW agreed to let him stay at our house, because DW thought it was silly for him to pay for a hotel. There was no pretext of SD and the boyfriend staying in separate rooms, as DW set them up together in an upstairs bedroom. It was quite obvious that SD and her boyfriend were having sex the whole time, based on the stinky sheets and empty condom wrappers left in the room. I was not crazy about this arrangement, but let it slide since it was just for a little more than a week.
So my main question for the group is this: Does DW's decision seem normal? Is this something that you would approve of in your own home? Or am I old-fashioned for thinking that this was a little premature for a couple that had only been dating a few weeks? Just wanted to get the group's pulse on this.
Wouldn't fly in my household.
Wouldn't fly in my household. Married ? Certainly. Not married? Get a hotel.
You are correct 100%, It's
You are correct 100%, It's wrong...
Sharing a bedroom with a GF
Sharing a bedroom with a GF in my parents home would have been no issue for my parents when I was that age. However, the stinky sheets and sex refuse would not have gone un addressed. The used condoms and wrappers would have been on my dinner plate one evening right next to my GF's dinner plate if I had treated my parents home with that much disrespect.
It is your home. You have to step up and be assertive in how others will treat you in your home. If you do not want SD's boyfriend staying in your home then say so. If SD's elder BF is shagging her in your home and leaving his used condoms and wrappers lying around then you need to invite him to the back yard for a man to man, hand him the sheets and a ZipLock baggie with his used condoms and wrappers, and tell him "If you can't respect me, my home, and my wife more than this, then you will not remain in my home. You will wash your sheets immediately, you will keep your evening bed aerobics to a dull roar, you will make your bed every morning, you will dispose of your used condoms and wrappers in a discrete and proper manner, or you will no longer be welcome in my home. Do you understand what I am telling you?"
You also need to inform your wife, note I said inform, I did not say discuss, that there will be no guests in your home without prior discussion and agreement with and from you. Your wife, your SD, and your SD's fuck buddies will not respect you if you do not have enough self respect to confront this shit and have zero tolerance for it.
IMHO of course.
Welcome back.
Take care of yourself.
Not in my house in my 20's.
Not in my house in my 20's. And when I stayed with my husband when we were dating in my 20's, his mom was specific about my staying on the couch.
As for my house, not until you are married do you share a room. Don't like it, go to a hotel.
Wrong and disrespectful.
Wrong and disrespectful.
I remember being 19 and
I remember being 19 and coming home from university and telling my parents about a new boyfriend and asking if he could stay. My parents said sure, but he had to sleep in a separate room. I was annoyed at them. I snuck into his room and we had sex anyway. Whichever way you play it, they were going to have sex you won't stop them. If they were leaving the place in a disgusting state is rude though and can be addressed. If it were my kid I'd probably be ok with it.
I am 37 and I'm not married
I am 37 and I'm not married to my SO. We stayed the night with his parents last summer and slept in the same room. Wrong?
It all depends on your comfort level and their maturity. Leaving dirty sheets and condom wrappers is not mature.
im 37 and my fiance is 48.
im 37 and my fiance is 48. at my mom's, its separate bedrooms. no big deal, her house, her rules, and its always been this way and id never think to even ask her.
in your case, its not your kid, its your step kid. i guess if her mother has no problem with it, then butt out. but id make her clean up after them if they wont clean up after themselves.
now if you had a child of any age in that house and didnt want them to see that? then you have the right to speak up.
"Butt out" has definitely
"Butt out" has definitely been the message DW has sent for the last 10 years or so. Right after I started standing up for myself....
I guess I don't mind limited doses of SD, but when it's going on in my house, it's hard to totally "butt out." It's my house too.
Yes and yes. Both DH and I
Yes and yes. Both DH and I would be ok with that, whether it was a bio kid or a skid.
I would prefer it that they clean up after themselves though.
I didn't get married until
I didn't get married until the age of 44. I would never have dreamed of asking my parents if my boyfriend and I could sleep together in their home. Once I started getting older and being in more long term relationships, however, it became a non-issue. My mother just told me my boyfriend and I would share a room on one particular visit. I was 30 and we had been dating for several years.
So I guess it really depends. Had I left empty condom wrappers in the bed, though, that offer would NOT have been extended again. How gross.
I moved in with my husband and SD8 when we had been together about 8 months. My parents spent the night in OUR house before we spent the night together at theirs.