Had it out with DH
BM calls yesterday and asks DH to help pay for HHB's fines for her little car incident. DH tells her no...he doesn't have the money, and BM needs to go to court with HHB and ask for tutoring/community service instead of paying fines. BM goes on and on about how she can't leave the house...that DH needs to take HHB to court for her. Naturally, I get upset because I see what is happening! Paperwork will need to be signed by a parent or guardian at the court, and once DH signs his name to those papers, it puts him on the hook for all of stuff related to the charges against HHB!!! The court won't care that the girl lives with BM and that BM is responsible for her actions under her care. No, signing his name to anything at the court is DH saying he assumes responsibility!!! That means he then MUST take off of work to make sure the girl gets to her court ordered crap or be on the hook for the fines if she doesn't complete her sentence!
I point this out, and tell DH that I'm tired of having to pay for all of HHB's stupidity!!! He asks how is it that I'm having to pay. Now, I don't like playing the "I make more than you" card, but I have to pull it out this time! I tell him that after his share of everything, he has nothing left, so who does he think will get stuck with paying the fines so he can be the white knight yet again who swoops in to the rescue for HHB's crap? I remind him that I have BS20 to be concerned with, who, by the way, does not get himself into trouble and is busting his ass in college to make something of himself! I'm not taking away from the child who is making a future for himself to give to a brat who is destroying hers!
Yeah...wrong thing to say. We start getting into it, and I lay it ALL out there! I tell him it seems HHB's happiness will always come before mine...that he doesn't even respect me enough to stand up for me! He doesn't get what I'm saying. I tell him, "Every time she has stood there and disrespected me to my face, you just sat there and let her do it!" He tries to claim that he did address her attitude toward me...that they had lots of talks about attitude and respect in the car to and from school! Really? "I'm just supposed to believe that these talks happened? What about standing up for me while it is going on where I can actually see you give a damn?" DH tries to claim that he wasn't going to yell at her when I was already getting on to her. He felt it best to address it later when things calmed down! "What good does that do? Doesn't show me you respect me enough to to not let your daughter TRY to walk all over me!" I go on to remind him that I never just let mi bios argue with him...that I always stepped in and out them in their place right then!
We went on and on and on. He finally asked me what I expected him to do with the current situation with HHB. I tell him, "I get BM doesn't drive, but this is HER problem! If you want to give them a ride to court, that's on you, but you need to make BM get off of her ass and got to that court with HHB! SHE needs to put her signature on ALL the paperwork...NOT you! For once, you need to make them sleep in the bed they have made!"
Still don't know what will happen. I doubt DH will make BM go...chances are high he will roll over to make sure his princess doesn't land in juvi! Guess maybe DH needs to start looking for a second job to fund HHB's stupidity!
Omg ~ flippin stupidity at
Omg ~ flippin stupidity at its best.
Keep saving her ass ; she will never learn. Life is to hard for HHB ~~~~ awwww pity party for 3. Fuck that stop enabling her ~ stop saving her ass. She has more lives that a freakin cat.
Whatever happened w the yearbook ???
Pull your money away now.
Pull your money away now. When it comes time to pay her fines...Sorry dude, no money. I'm sure if it comes to his princess going to juvie, he will get a 2nd job to pay for it.
My DH will pull the "I talked
My DH will pull the "I talked to him about it" crap, too. He will say, "I got onto him pretty hard about it." I call bull, since he has never gotten onto him pretty hard about anything. He talks in a way that sounds very loving, and that would be GREAT, IF IT WORKED. But when the kid turns around and does the same thing again, it's clear your little talk had zero impact. It's not rocket science.
I would hold my ground in every way possible if I were you. I can find some hills to die on, for sure, and this would probably be one of them. You are so right about him signing papers and being held as the responsible one. No way.
And again, it would be a cold day in hell before my DH was driving around with BM and SS for any purpose at all. That life is gone. BM is an adult, let her find a way to handle it. And this lies solely on her for rescuing her poor little baby from your structured home.
DH is quite frustrated with
DH is quite frustrated with HHB today! He's try to call her multiple times, and it keeps going to voicemail. DH saw himself how right after he calls, HHB checks her voicemail, but doesn't bother to call or text a reply! Before and after are all kinds of texts that show she IS on her phone texting, so she can't say she didn't hear or see DH's calls and texts! This went on for about 2 hours before DH finally got HHB to send a reply text. The exact words out of his mouth were "you lying bitch"! Now, this is not anything HHB heard...he was saying this out loud as he was reading her text. I asked what was wrong, and he just shook his head.
She seriously only talks to him when she is trying to get money from him for something, or she is trying to make she DH is going to drop everything to do something for her...like driving all over the place for her performances, because you know if he doesn't go to every last one, she will make him pay!
This really makes me nervous about these charges! Will HHB even complete any court ordered tutoring/community service, or just blow it off and do what she wants thinking dear daddy will just pay it because he has to if he signs those stupid papers or face his own legal problems? Yup, time to limit what DH has access to! Think I may call the courthouse tomorrow and see if I can get some info without having to specify a specific case...see if someone will answer some "what ifs". It will at least arm me with facts.
I get it, Cant. its your
I get it, Cant.
its your money being spent indirectly.
every penny that your husband gives to his kid and his ex, is one less penny he contributes to the joint household expenses and your marriage.
it sucks, and id be pissed too. he knows if he cant make his half of the mortgage or food, you'll pick up the slack. it isn't fair.
Exactly! Not to mention,
Exactly! Not to mention, HHB's and DH's insurance comes out of my paycheck, because it is court ordered that DH provide insurance, but the insurance his employer has isn't worth jack and costs twice as much! His car payment is $200 higher than mine, he has his own credit cards, etc. So, yeah, I pick up the slack already, and if DH has to "find" money to pay for HHB's stupidity, that ends up coming out of my check, no matter how you look at it. Even our tax return...I put in more money and the bulk of our refund this year is going to be because of the tuition I'm paying for BS20's college! Yeah, we get to claim HHB this tax return, but that contributes so little to the big tax picture! I've already got that earmarked for expensive maintenance my car is in need of (110,000 miles...time for spark plugs, transmission service, and a new timing belt...and anyone that knows anything about cars knows that is about $1,000+ worth of service). So I'm supposed to run my car into the ground to pay for HHB's stupidity? I think not!
Girl has been bailed out so much that she has NO concept of money! During our fight, DH kept saying "just two more years". He got upset when I called bullsh*t on that. "Two years? You really think it will be over in two years? Ha!! Girl has been bailed out so much, and learned so well from BM, I can see it already...can't make rent, call dad...no money to fix her car, call dad. IF she can maintain a job, with the way she thinks, she will hit up the mall or out partying every payday, and when she can't pay her bills, call dad!" Girl is SOOOOO selfish, she got some $100 around Christmas...DH asked is she was going to buy any presents for anyone..."Um no! It's my money! Why would I buy presents with my money?!" My son is a broke college student, and still managed to come up with a gift idea for me with the little bit of money he makes running flags at basketball games at school!!! Wasn't anything fancy, but it was the thought, and I will always treasure the gift! When he was working, every Father's Day, Mother's Day, birthdays, Christmas...he would buy gifts for me and DH. He bought DH a $300 drill for Father's Day! HHB got so much more handed to her for nothing than BS20, and she can't so much as even buy her dad a small trinket of gratitude? She can't even answer his phone calls?
DH even admitted he in our fight that HHB IS BM! Really? You think? I've been saying that for years!
Well, after HHB's little
Well, after HHB's little coming out, promting DH to head over to BM's to have a talk with HHB, DH also chatted with BM about this court thing. The plan is that he will drive BM and HHB to court, and will advise BM what to ask the court for. He made it clear to BM that SHE will sign any and all court paperwork! I know some of you guys said DH shouldn't even give her a ride. Problem is, the ONLY other alternative is DH taking HHB by himself, which leaves him signing all paperwork and making him responsible for any fines, etc. Hell no! At least I know he listened to at least something I said the other night! Maybe HHB's coming out has him looking at the girl in a different light.
When do they go to court? I
When do they go to court? I think it's a good idea that DH gets BM's as there in order to ensure SHE signs the docs.
~ Moon
He said something like the
He said something like the 5th of Feb or something like that. Yes, it is a VERY good idea that DH gets BM there! I'm the one who actually told him to insist on it in our argument. When he asked, "Well, what do YOU suggest I do to fix this?", I told him, "YOU need to make BM go with you and HHB...this is THEIR trouble...not yours! If you go alone, you will get stuck with any consequences for not fulling the court orders, as your name would be on the paper. Why should your ass be on the line for something HHB did in BM's care? BM needs to go down there and sign ALL the paperwork! Then, it becomes her responsibility to make sure HHB gets to any court ordered crap, and if they default and the fines become due, then SHE is responsible for paying them...NOT YOU!" I pointed out to DH that if HHB had done this crap while she lived here, it would have all fallen on us...BM would not have offered to help at all, and would say exactly what I'm saying now! I reminded him of the curfew violation and the $300 fine we were lucky to not get stuck with on that one..."You think if they hadn't let HHB off on a warning, BM would have just laughed at you and said, "Have fun with that!"
I reiterated to DH when he told me that he was taking BM AND HHB to court that he needs to make sure BM signs any and all paperwork! He is there to only provide a ride, and to advise BM what to ask for, since she is obviously clueless on these matters.
You do know this is not how
You do know this is not how juvenile court works, right? Mom and Dad are equally responsible, regardless of who appears in court and who "signs" the "papers" (Hint, that would be the guy in the front in the robe, and those would be ORDERS, that will apply to this horrific troll and her masterfully ill-equipped supposed parents).
Just ten years of experience as an attorney exclusively in juvenile matters, from GAL to juvenile's attorney.
I don't think this is
I don't think this is juvenile court...its traffic court. Around here, as teens, you can be cited for traffic violations. For example...if you are 15 in the back seat of your parent's car and don't have your seat belt on, the cite you...not the parent driving! This is why there is even the "tutoring in lieu of fines if under 16" for traffic court! So, I'm not sure it that will change things.