My teen stepdaughter is wreaking havoc!
}:) I'm new here so I"ll give you a brief history. I have been with my DH since my SD was 17 months old. She is now 13. Her mom still lives with her parents, has 4 kids by 4 fathers and on welfare. Works a dead end job and lives off the state. My SD has been coming to our house 3 nights a week from the very beginning. We have had our ups and downs but things have been OK lately. Well then 2 months ago, the issue has come that my SD has a better opportunity for high school next year than where her mother lives. We had an all out argument with my SD over it and now her mom says she can go where she wants to go. So since then, My SD has refused to come to our house. It has been 2 months. She has come down for a couple days between now and then but just for a few hours and refuses to sleep at our house. We have made amends with her since the argument but now she still refused to spend weekends at our house. Since then, her grades have dropped, her mother rewarded her by giving her a cell phone and she could care less about seeing any of us! What hurts me the most is how she is hurting my daughter who is only 6 and doesn't understand. She has gone from seeing her 3 nights a week to never! It is hurting all of us. We ask her why she doesn't want to come down, she just says I will when I want. Has turned into such a brat! Its killing my DH! He has always been so good to her! Always picking up the pieces when her useless mother wasn't around. And now her mother is wonderful and can do no wrong and we suck! I'm tired of this, wondering every weekend what havoc she will wreak on our lives, will she come down? Will my husband be fighting with her mother again? I'm so tired of it! How do we get past this! Her mother is leaving it up to her if she wants to come down or not, letting a 13 year old call the shots. Any advice? Thank you!
Yes he shares legal custody.
Yes he shares legal custody. She has always had primary physical custody but has always given DH 3 nights a week since day 1!
THIS is why kids who really
THIS is why kids who really should be with one parent full time don't get to choose where they live when they reach some magic age. And it's sad for them because there are some really good kids living with some really messed up parents who don't deserve to have them. She is not old enough to make these decisions for herself, and it really comes down to what the CO says and who has final say. I would probably take it to court with the info that bm hasn't made the best choices for herself and might be making the same wrong decisions for the child.
That said, it's nearly impossible to live with your parents, with a job, and 4 bio-dads AND live off the state. You practically have to have no money to your name and no food in your pantry before qualifying for anything. Unless her parents are also in the hole, which means they all qualify. Which is a good reason to get the child out of there. She will do no better if she stays there in that lifestyle.
lawyer up, from what I know
lawyer up, from what I know this isn't acceptable behavior on the part of the biomom. A judge will be very critical of her breaking the agreement for a visitation schedule, as well as the drop in grades.
sounds like the parenting
sounds like the parenting plan does not state the kid gets to spend 3 nights per week with the dad. that was just an arrangement teh agreed to.
however, i assume at minimum the parenting plan calls for EOW and maybe one night per week. still its tough to enforce.
we did the cop calling thing to document, etc. nothing ever really happens. Our BM lets SD14 run wild, call the shots, and wants her daughters "happiness" before all else, including what's best for her education.
not much you can do.
My opinion - at least in our
My opinion - at least in our state - is that once SD is that age, there might be a CO for visitation but enforcing it is going to cost more money than it is worth.
I don't mean that it isn't worth it to want to see SD but she will be resentful about being FORCED. And you KNOW that the BM is going to say her hands are tied, it is your mean daddy who is forcing you to go there. I am the fun parent.
THanks all. I didn't get her
THanks all. I didn't get her much for xmas which is Not usually the case but not this year, I refuse to reward her. She has a couple gifts to open and that's if we even see her! The argument was because we were pushing for her to change school districts becuase the high school in her mom's district is awful! Much smaller and better environment where we live. Her mom said she won't take her from her friends....so apparently her friends are more important than her education! Her mom just always wants to be her friend! It hurts a lot as I have always treated her as my own (been around since she was a baby!) But after two months of this, i'm starting to let go. I'm not calling, emailing her anymore and not asking when i'll see her. I told DH that i'm focusing on the people living in this house!
Each and every time BM fails
Each and every time BM fails to deliver SD-13 for visitation file a comtempt motion. Each ..... and ..... every ...... time!!!!!!
A kid does not get to choose if they visit and the CP should be smacked firmly with the CO if they do not deliver the kid on time and schedule.
Once SD-13 is back in her fathers home on a regular schedule he can apply whatever discipline and attitude adjustment techniques he chooses to give the little shit some clarity.
If the CO does not specifically define a visitation schedule then get back to court and get one. This BM always lets us have .... crap is insane.
"I will when I want" :jawdrop: :sick: :sick: Time for BM to spend a few nights in jail for contempt and for little girl to get an ass whupping and see her phone get flushed down the toilet IMHO.
IMHO of course.
if only it worked that way
if only it worked that way Rags....
we documented a ton of non-compliance with visitaiton issues a year ago. when it got to the court my fiance ended up with LESS time and a $200 annual activity fee (in exchange for there not being an increase in CS which would have been much more than $200 a year).
Appeal. When we got an idiot
Appeal. When we got an idiot bottom 10%er of the legal profession family law judge we did. He did not like that one bit. We also took out a full page add in the local paper for a week outlining his idiot decisions. He did not care for that much either since he was up for re-election.
No one said you have to tolerate an idiot decision my a judge without brining consequences on the judge in return. Appeal, advertise, etc...
My attorney said that she had
My attorney said that she had a client who didn't force their 17 and a half year old child (!!!!!) to go to the other parents house, and that parent was found in contempt of court for doing so. Its a gamble going to court, but it might be worth it in light of the history you've discussed. The drop in grades represents a pressing change in circumstances which could facilitate a change in custody.