The exact cause of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is not known. However, most researchers and mental health professionals believe it results from a combination of factors. These factors include biological vulnerability, social interactions with early caregivers, and psychological factors that involve temperament. There are studies that suggest that a gene (or genes) for narcissism can be inherited but that a person also needs the “right” environment for narcissism to be manifested. There are scant studies that look specifically at whether narcissism is genetic, although many theories as to the cause including trauma or abuse in early childhood, overindulgent parenting, genetic predilection toward NPD and narcissistic parenting.

kids pick up on the habits and behaviors of the people they are around the most. my SD14 is just like her mother who is the CP. she was also the primary "Caregiver" pre-divorce. (i put that in quotes because she doesnt nor has she ever parented this child).

my SD14 is extremely self absorbed, irresponsible, dim-witted, and generally just extremely immature. i have a niece who is the same age as her and its night and day.

fortunately, my fiance has learned to say no to her demands, but he still gives her whatever she wants in other ways (i.e., snacks before dinner instead of making her wait 30 minutes, carries her bag for her, lets her blow off visits, etc.)

in our case, BM is the "disney" parent. fiance isnt. if he was a disney dad, i probably would have bagged out by now.

I don't know what the experts think...but it's my opinion that your SD WILL take after her BM..I speak from personal experience. I've been with my DH for 12 years. In those 12 years my SD's have transformed into their mother..and not just by their looks (they all three even have the same exact haircut..wow lol) but by their personalities as well. They're all narcissistic and materialistic....it's not a fun combo..good luck in the future!

My bios BF is NPD and bi-polar. Therapist has told me that a large percentage of children in these environments end up with NPD tendacies and they end up with personality disorders. A small percentage end up with actual NPD. The tendacies are because children learn by imitating their parents. But a large % can't be retrained if worked with early enough. After personality is set... The tenadies can grow to full NPD.
So in plain speak... Child of parents with NPD can end up with the actual NPD or NPD tenadcies or PD. BUT if the child (like my children) are in therapy before 8, or do not have a strong bond (DD) with bio the effects are less. DD has a very weak bond with BF and has been affected very little. BS has OCD and Aspergers which actually saved him because the NPD doesn't make sense to him. "It's just not how you act, mom. People should take care of each other"

My SD almost 17 is narcissistic and materialistic. What's funny is, DH said his ex was that way, and that you could take whatever she said, and believe the opposite. You can do the same with what his daughter says, and he doesn't see it. He's repeating the same life he had with his ex only it's now with his mini wife. I guess old habits are hard to break...

it would be nice if one person has a story where the behaviors improve after being away from the narcissist for awhile.

The trick is getting them away from the narcissist.

My SD is 23 and still almost completely dependent on her BM. SD was 5 when DH and I got together and she was so much like him for a long time. But my DH had a bad feeling that she was going to end up to be like BM. I didn't believe it but...

She's not good at the lying and the manipulating and I really don't believe she's cut out to be selfish or mean, but BM keeps filling her head with stupid things. My DH asks her, "How has that worked out for your mother?" I think SD knows he's right but it's easier to be self-absorbed and get people to do for you, than to do for yourself (in her mind). It's easier to blame others for everything wrong in your life than to take some responsibility.

My DH swears that had SD lived with us, she would not be like she is. In this case, I think he's right. I think for my SD, it's mostly a learned behavior and she's not very smart so she just goes along with BM and mimics her. Unfortunately, BM has made SD so dependent on her that SD will never get away from her to learn anything different. Anything my DH says to her goes in one ear and out the other.

I have a NM. After taking care of her for thirty years, and getting crapped on, I finally discovered narcissism. I have been no contact for four years now. However now, I have to see it in SD every day. I am disengaged, as I know it's hopeless to deal with a narcissist. DH is trapped by his daughter, just as I was trapped by my mother. Sad thing is, DH knows about narcissism, but refuses to see it in his child.

Oh ~ hell NO ~ Veruca has turned into a Tinkerdouche. Everything she does just reeks from Tinker. The looks, the clothes, the new & improved sailor mouth with a unfiltered cut throat insults. Tied up with some entitlement & some seductiveness ~ what a friggin winner.

She's down right evil ~ can't figure out if she loves her father or is he just a possession.

Good god ~ this is why vodka is my best friend.

We are in the shit storm too with SS15 who is a chip off the old BM block....I say he has eerily similar NBPD tendencies that have been learnt, and are now who he is as a person....unfortunately.

BM has dumped SS as a result as her latest BF dosent like him so we are having to deal with the emotional fall out of him being abandoned by his own mother. She has recently put a restraining order on her own son too! Witch.

SD19 is a NBPD, in my opinion. BM, who has been dead two years, was a control freak, and SD19 was very defiant when living with her. Grandmother on that same tree branch is a nutjob, too. No one in the family talks to her because she has burned bridges many times with them. SD19 is extremely entitled and can't do much for herself. Well, maybe she COULD do them if forced to, but DH Disney Dad always steps in to help. SD19 has never balanced her bank account, just has DH transfer money over from savings to checking for her because "Otherwise (she) would spend it all." She was such a control freak NBPD that she went on a special diet for a year. She couldn't control everyone and everything in her life, so at age 18, she did what she could, and went on a diet that she controlled. That turned into an eating disorder (poor SD19) and she pigged out at night and ate like a bird during the day.

But that wasn't HER fault. No, never HER fault.

SD19 has talked back to me in my own home, has called ME immature just because I don't have a stick up my ass and I actually have a sense of humor. She has blatantly told her father "No," when he asks her to do something simple like move her dry clothes from the dryer so the next person (ME) can move their wet clothes over. Terrible ODD mixed into this equation, too. DH has always blamed it on the BM being so difficult, but now I see where it comes from. Perhaps it started with SD and BM couldn't control her, so they butted heads. SD never thought her shit stank and even got into horrible screaming matches when BM was going through chemo and SD was 17 and a senior in HS. SD even spit on her mother one time during an argument! DH and BM divorced when SD19 was 12, and SD13 was 6. SD12 was soon left home to watch her little sister, as BM had to find FT work with benefits. Enter the mini-wife role, a feeling of being in charge.

I met SD19 when she was 13 and by the time she was 14, I had called her a bitch to her face for the first time. She disrespected and mouthed off to her father because he simply asked her to put her dinner plate into the dishwasher. She to this day, HATES being asked to do anything. I made myself sick with the Thanksgiving holiday approaching, and when SD19 was home from school she spent 5 days on my couch with the TV on. God forbid anyone tell her to move her ass into another room and give the couch a break. Disney Dad DH didn't see anything wrong with this......until.....

I brought it up a week ago that she would be returning for winter break and I didn't want her treating the LR like her bedroom and sitting in there 8 hours a day. The kitchen opens right into the LR, so it's like she's taking over the entire first floor and main living area. I have been on DH, telling him for the first time since I've known him that I wasn't happy. This is all because I despise the fact that SD19 will be here soon in all of her glory. She bites back so we all walk on eggshells around her.

DH actually changed the furniture around in the basement this past weekend. For two years SD19 has planted herself in the LR because the basement wasn't to her liking. She couldn't LAY DOWN and watch TV because the part of the sectional didn't have the couch arm at the right end. DH finally shifted the TV, the pool table, the couch and chair so her royal highness can lay down there and watch TV. Next she'll say it's too cold. Too bad. I am going to password protect the TV in the LR and wait for WW3. Off to the basement my pretty, or live somewhere else. Like under an overpass. DH sent her a picture of the basement this past weekend, and SD19's text came back through. The first few words read, "Am I annoying....." Why, YES, yes you ARE.

Piece of work and NO it doesn't improve. Apple fell from the tree and then some. SD19 has been enabled far too long.

~ Moon

And WW3 will be all your fault!!

The sooner your SD suffers the consequences of her horrid actions by someone actually having the nerve to stand up to her, the sooner she can perhaps have some insight into how horrid her behaviour is to others... although true NBPD never have any insight so it will always be your fault. If that's the case, the sooner she can move out then and stop creating a toxic environment for "normal" people. Im always so surprised to watch people putting up with toxic behaviour when they should be kicking them to the curb. How are they ever going to learn??

The more enabling and pandering people do to her attention seeking ways, the more this continues....

So it might be the simple act of switching off the TV in the LR to spark the much needed WW3 confrontation and if she doesn't like it, she can leave.

Does she play the victim role of "poor me..my BM died??" feel sorry for me?

She did last year on Thanksgiving. Curled up in a ball on the basement floor at age 18. She decided to get on the treadmill and run (part of that diet she was on) 30 minutes before the holiday dinner. Not only was it annoying to hear her and feel her smack on the treadmill below me in the kitchen, but....there was no way in hell she was going to sit at my table all sweaty. I told DH she would have to shower before joining us and that's when the screaming and tantrum started. Her BM had died in January 2013 and I realize it was the first Thanksgiving without her, but you don't take it out on your loving father and you certainly don't curl up at age 18, like a baby.

We went to a restaurant this year. As soon as we got home, SD19 stepped out of her shoes and curled up on the couch again.

Bitch.

Thinking of a good code for the TV. I will let it run until 3pm daily, maybe, and then it will shut off unless you can unlock it.

It has been hard for me to stand up to her because she's not my kid, DH doesn't have my back and SD19 bites back. I get VERY PISSED at the disrespect. DH does nothing to reprimand her. We'll see. I'm already the bad guy so what have I got to lose? LOL

~ Moon

I did not read all of the replies to this so I will apologize if I repeat something.

In my developmental psychology class we had a discussion about personality traits in children. Perticularlly this topic. My professor had also been a child psychologist. She said that if a child is a raised by one with narcissistic personality it will be picked up by the child and by the time that child is 12 that personality usually is stuck with them. The only way to change it is to undergo extensive therapy and of course during that time not to be around the parent who has this.

I have a stepdaughter with this as well. Her mother is a compulsive liar, has been a thief throughtout her life and if it isn't about her she wants nothing to do with it. SD is just like this. Dh doesn't see it because it is his daughter and that blinds some parents. Even though he was around that for 8 years he still doesn't want to think his daughter is like the person he despises.

Unfortunately people with these traits are great at fooling people. They are extremely convincing, overly nice and usually get their way due to their manipulating skills. It is almost sickening to me and when I am around her I wish I knew nothing about personality disorders to a point. I am glad I do because she can't get one over on me but on the otherhand it really bothers me.

SD19 came home last night but I haven't seen her yet. I just told DH over the phone that I might password-protect the LR TV. He told me not "to be a douche," and I'm at work, so I couldn't reply back the way I wanted to. }:) Instead, I told him to make SURE he spoke to her about not parking it in the LR and to use the basement, now that DH has rearranged the furniture. I told DH to sit back and watch the "magic unfold," meaning SD19 will have her ass planted in the LR. I told him she has ONE chance and it's up to HIM to make sure she gets the message.

Let the games begin. At least she works tomorrow. Now I have to get my nerve up and catch her when she returns, telling her to go change her clothes, she smells like peppers and onions.

That's when WW3 will start. Merry Christmas, I didn't buy you one thing. I pay for the roof over your head, so there's my "gift" to you. }:) }:)

~ Moon