This is a good site: http://paawareness.org/

I think 99% of us on step talk have run into PA in one form or another.

Both of my boys were and one fell for it (he was always a "Mama's boy") and the other didn't. I never knew for sure why he didn't but when questioned as an adult he said it was more fun at my house. I always made his weekends quality time by going camping or the park bike riding, having him help with projects or even chores.

Unless it can be proven in court and a order issued, well he's not going back anyway is he, I think the best defense is to be the exact opposite of what the ex wife is claiming. PAS does work however despite ones best intentions as evidenced by my eldest son whom I didn't see from age 14 to 24 as a result of it.

In the end he realized who the evil one was but by then he had soaked up so much of his step-fathers ways that now I don't like him. I'm not talking mannerisms but immoral if not illegal dealings with fellow man.

So my advise is that your husband use the time he has with the kid as best he can. It's pointless to have you watch the kid while Daddy goes to the hardware store for instance. This is where a boy learns. Why have the kid watch TV while Dad mows the lawn - have the kid rake. This is quality time, not going to Disneyland but doing with Daddy the things that Daddy does.

The BM has poisoned the well for me with not only with her two sons, but with the sons' GFs, too. Their GF's treat me coldly and I have no idea what the bipolar bitch BM has told them about me. She even had the GFs living with her at one point (both come from bad homes--unfortunately, but possibly predictably!) Hubby doesn't want the drama, so he advises not to take it personally... but it is just so unfair. I concur that the high road doesn't work. I want to be able to have my own Voice heard--it may not change anything, but at least I will have had the opportunity to try. I've never heard of "parental alienation syndrome." What an education. Glad I found this place.

I've been dealing with pas for 15 years. My step son is 15. We got custody when he was 8. Unfortunately the bm still has visitation..a lot of visitation, so lots of opportunities for her to brainwash him against us. My husband has insisted we take the "high road". The bond between the son and the bm is so strong and she has manipulated him so much while we were on our high road that I feel the damage is irreversible. I also feel that playing her game would cause him distress. I am defeated and feel there is nothing that can be done when you can't get the child away from the abusive parent...pas to me is child abuse.

Dealing with it ALL the time. We did the high road for a while. We've tried communicating with her and talking to the child, none of that has worked. Sometimes I play the game, when the outcome is in our favor. Doesn't always work out for me, but it sure makes some records for any future Court ordeal.

PAS is child abuse. period. It's the equivalent of picking the child up and slamming her against the wall repeatedly. It SCARS the child, gaslights them, teaches them to hate half of themselves. I've spent the past YEAR hearing my 8yr old SD parrot hex, "remember" events that DH let happen when she was 1, etc. I've thrown up, cried and screamed into a pillow at night. I'm tired of witnessing the abuse.

There's a book called Divorce Poison which deals with PAS. We had it for 10 years and counting and took the high road which didn't work at all. The books suggests that this is not the right approach and from personal experience I agree. We now have zero contact with step kids, that's how bad it is.

I've been dealing with it. The best thing we did was to make it so that all communication is in writing. It is impossible for her to lie, and she still calls constantly but we have a signed legal document that says she agreed not to. It has been very damning during our custody dispute.

The best thing you can do is ignore BM's crap. Eventually the kid will think of their mom's stories and look at you living normal lives and it will click that it just isn't the truth.

Oh yes. We had to deal with PAS and we are the CP household in our blended family adventure. Sperm GrandHag PAS'd like crazy to try to get SS to align with the Sperm Clan and want to live with the Sperm Idiot rather than his mom and I. Smart kid though. "Grandma, my home is with my mom and dad but I like visiting you and Daddy (Firstname)." }:)

That just about caused that dried up old hag bitch to stroke out.

She is truly the only person that I have met in my entire life that I detest. Even my whore slut of an adulterous XW does not get as much of my ire as Sperm GrandHag does. I have sworn that I will attend her funeral and piss on her coffin as it is lowered into her cesspool of a grave in front of her friends and family.

Though the Skid understood at some level that Sperm GrandHag was a nasty mean old hag he did not come to total clarity until he aged out from under the CO when he was 18yo. Once she had no leverage to motivate keeping him under her toxic influence and he started being an independent self supporting young adult she went ape shit PAS all over him. Even to the point that she would try to guilt him into paying back the CS that was paid “for him” and help support his three younger also out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs by two more baby mamas that don’t have a “rich step dad” to spoil them. No comments about my bride who went from 16 and pregnant single teen mom to an MBA/CPA in the past 22 years since SS-22 was born.

That was the final nail in SGH’s coffin as far as SS was concerned and he wrote her and the rest of the Sperm Clan off for the most part at that point. It has been nearly 4 years since he has had much to do with them and he never sent that hag a penny. She freaks when she wants him to visit and he says “send me a ticket and I will visit.” Gotta love that kid. That’s my boy!!!!!