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Did you trust you SO?

tytmoo's picture

Submitted by tytmoo on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 9:49am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

After reading a big number of blogs/posts in here, I have a question:

When you moved in / married your SO, did you trust him/her to help you raise your children (existing or future)? Had you met/spent time with your SKids previosly?

Thank you in advance for your honest answers.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 10:05am

I trust my DH with my BS. However I do 99% of the raising, since its my BS. Ideally it would be great if DH did more. But he isnt that good with his own kids, what else can I expect?

Yes I spent time with the skids prior to us moving in together. I wish I would have waited longer before we moved into our house. Had we stayed in our apartment and I had seen more of the skid issues, I never would have bought the house we live in now. I probably wouldnt even still be with him.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Submitted by Evil stepmonster on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 10:29am

I trust my DH with my kids, but the fact is their father and I raise them.
I do not trust him with my kids when ever his kids are around, but I think it's more that I don't trust his kids.
I spent some time with the skids before we got married, but not enough!! I learned that the first summer they were with us after we got married. You can hid alot of evil in just a weekend. But over a 3 month period all the evil comes out.

Teas83's picture

Submitted by Teas83 on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 11:03am

I trust my husband with DD because he is her father. However, I don't really trust him with her when SD is there too.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 11:43am

I thought he was a wonderful dad. I had met the skids already. I thought he'd be a great stand-in for my DS's POS deadbeat dad. But that didn't happen. He was not as good of a SF as he was a bio-father. Because of the PASing, etc, he was afraid of his kids thinking that he was too close to my son. Sad

Their relationship is better now.

FrackturedBradyBunch's picture

Submitted by FrackturedBradyBunch on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 3:38pm

Gosh....

Now that you have made it glaringly obvious to me, I have to admit no, I didn't trust nor want DH to help raise my boy. He has done such a shit job of his 3Ds and it heading down the same path with our S7, no WAY!

I had spent a lot of time with the Skids before we moved in/married. They were very young, 3, 4, 5 and I honestly thought with consistency and effort they would get into the routine of normal life and behaviour. I did think that DH might be more on side as he had actually asked me at several times to help him as it was all overwhelming.

Just last night we had an argument because he absolutely ripped shreads into our S7 for lying...when I pointed out how he just lost his shit he says, well I don't want him to turn out like them ..... meaning his 3Ds! And I like, really?? Then why the hell don't you back me up when they are acting out like this??

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 10/20/2014 - 4:35am

Absolutely. My bride and I have been successful equity life partners and equity parents to SS now 22 for more than 20 years.

We married a week before SS turned 2yo. She trusted me to be his dad and help raise him from day one. Making me a dad and accepting me as her husband are the greatest gifts I have ever received from anyone and that they come from my incredible bride just makes it that much better.

Without trust there truly is no viable marraige.

IMHO of course.