Teen Girl Pickup today is on me - Options?
BM's mother has died. I have a nice and cordial relationship with BM. We are taking the kids and her dog while she flies off to her hometown.
Because I don't want my husband to have to miss work all the time and my sked allows it today, I have offered to pick up the skids from school today. BM is flying out while they are at school. Normally they go home to her house then she brings them to our house a few hours later on Fridays.
I will have no trouble with SS12. But after I pick him up I go to BM's apt to pick up Teen Girl who will have been home from school for an hour or two alone by then. Teen Girl is notorious for dawdling any time she has to leave the house at best of times. Teen Girl also has been making an issue of not wanting to come to our house or accept direction from her dad for the last few months (we've all made her come anyway).
Mostly, Teen Girl wants to pretend I do not exist.
A. So if I get over there and she refuses to get into my car, what can I reasonably do? My STRONG preference is not to have to call either one of her parents but to handle it myself. What do I do?
B. How much teen dawdling is reasonable to tolerate? I have already done things like continue on out the door, not hold the door for her, start the car, etc. when it's on my watch. But she mostly has not had to deal with me alone for a loooooooong time. She might be more defiant today, realizing she can stay in the house alone. At 12, she didn't really figure she had that option (she's fifteen now). One thing I want to avoid at all costs is Daddy having to come and get her separately.
Please give me some options on how to make this pickup go successfully in case she decides to pull crap.
P.S. No, she's not upset about her Gramma's death. Not one little bit.
I love this, "knock this shit
I love this, "knock this shit off."
And I love you! So happy to be getting advice that isn't about lollipops and sparkles and her fee-fees!
He could pick her up. But I
He could pick her up. But I told him I would and I'm determined not to let that brat have non-stop taxi service at our expense. There's no reason for both DH and I to drive the 15 miles. It can be done once and that's all it should have to be done.
No, she can't handle him. She
No, she can't handle him. She is the main danger in life he needs to be protected from.
He's autistic and needs supervision at all times and she's mean and needs policing when she's around him.
Plus, that wouldn't solve
Plus, that wouldn't solve anything anyway. The problem I anticipate is her refusing to get in my car because I don't "exist" and she doesn't want to come to dad's house anyway. Put those two ideas together in her head at the same time and it sounds like a combustible situation to me.
Why do you want to avoid
Why do you want to avoid having her father go get her?
Nevermind, you answered this
Nevermind, you answered this right before I posted lol
(No subject)
ditto tommar. but out of
ditto tommar.
but out of curiosity, why arent these kids with their mom, attending their grandmother's wake and funeral? were they not close at all?
And that would be a
And that would be a reasonable assumption. But that's because you have a heart and soul.
No, BM works for an airlines and could get them out there extremely cheap. But that would require her having to sit with them on the plane and that's more time than she can stand them face to face.
And it would also require BM having to teach them something about emotions and empathy and grief and sadness and love. And that must be avoided at all costs. Just ask her.
Because her mother, while not
Because her mother, while not a bad person, is freakishly dead inside and has passed that on to her daughter. No one really cared about Gramma except Grampa. And no one cares about Grampa.
Except I am going to the store and getting the kids a condolence card to send to their grampa because I refuse to harbor such soulless beings in my home. Teen Girl will likely refuse to sign it but at least I will give her the message she ought to be ashamed of herself. No one else will.
You can make two trips, one
You can make two trips, one for the boy and one for her which may result in a blank.
Or you can make one trip and Daddy can make one trip.
Doesn't make sense. Its a power struggle between two females which doesn't need to happen. You lose this battle and she's well up in the "win" column. All she has to do to win is not lose. I.e. she doesn't leave the house. Why give her the opportunity?
It's not a power struggle
It's not a power struggle between two females. I am an adult. Period.
Her gender has nothing to do with anything. She's a kid, period. Raised to believe she's the center of the universe and meanness is her coin.
I'm doing it because I am my husband's partner, I want him to have a normal day at work while I have the ability to do this and I am a compassionate person who thinks a woman ought to be able to go to her dad's side when her mom dies and have her kids in good hands and because she watched them last weekend while we went off to a family event of mine.
All those are normal life things and a fifteen year old girl has no business turning it on its head.
Teenage girls suck. She
Teenage girls suck. She needs to be taught empathy at every opportunity. I would be clear, get your ass in the car and stop making everything about you. For once, this is not about you, so deal with it. I am trying to be nice for your mom and you can either get your ass in the car or I can put it in the car.
I am a no-nonsense kind of mom. But, then my kids and my SS who I am raising are good kids and know not to push me. SD18 has no boundaries and when I called her out on her shit, that is when she left. When I called her out on behavior on a vacation, I put her ass on a plane home after she threatened to kill me. I am your SM, but I didn't give birth to you, so I do not need to put up with your crap.
Pick your battles.
Pick your battles.
Walk in, grab her bag, and
Walk in, grab her bag, and walk out. Take her house keys, she either follows of she can stay on the front step until daddy picks her up.
what ever happened here????
what ever happened here????
TX for your interest,
TX for your interest, Calypso. Here is the update thread. http://www.steptalk.org/node/196843
For anyone who thought I was overly worried about it at the time, here are the specific scenarios I had reason to anticipate because she has done some version of them before:
1) Physically attack me
2) Run away
3) Get her autistic brother, who is a BIG boy, all upset and too het up to be controlled or get in the car.
4) Physically attack her brother then lock herself in her room (she runs faster than he does).
5) Start calling her grieving mother and bawling and making a nuisance of herself. Once her mom gets involved, I am in for a looooooooooong drama.
I really was wondering if I might have to call the police or something which is why I came on here to get ideas and feedback. I really appreciate the pep talk I got here.
glad it went well!!! small
glad it went well!!! small victories are what keep us going, eh?