Dad needs to be documenting everything and staying in regular contact with the teachers. When he is aware of assignments/projects, maybe he can be checking on the status with BM and SD, even if only to document BM's complete lack of excuses when she "didn't get the newsletter" or "didn't know about it".

This really sucks for SD ..

We had a very similar problem with SD. DH paid the money to send her to a private school, BM contributed nothing except the $100 enrollment fee.

I agree you need to change the custody arrangement. SD was on an every other day arrangement essentially, so she never went more than two days without seeing one of her parents. This arrangement continued until she was 10. BM thought it was even DH's responsibility to buy any supplies needed for school projects, so if BM had SD she would NOT work on the project with her at all until after SD had been to our house and DH had bought the supplies. Luckily DH saw her often enough that this wasn't a problem. Not the same in your situation, and not a lot you can do if BM is not willing to work with you.

Yes, SD does need to step up and be more responsible with her homework. My BD is 8, her sister (age 11) had an activity last night and BD knew there wouldn't be a lot of time for her homework, so BD took it upon herself to complete her homework on the drive home from daycare in the car with me. I know that's not the same as your situation, but it is a child taking initiative and being responsible for her schooling. Sounds like your SD needs to start doing that, and I think she is old enough at 10.

Same here. DH paid for SD to attend a Catholic School from Kindergarten until 8th grade.
She failed, time and time again. Her summer projects? BM would wait until the weekend before school began to harass MY DH about making sure SD did them while she was with us. Never mind that she had an entire summer to do it, year after year, she wound up spending the entire weekend, pounding out homework that was due in a few days after having 8 weeks to do it.
Right now, SD is going to a pretty awful school in Harlem, because no other school would accept her with her grades & her attendance.
Absent 31 times in one year, late 50.
Very sad because SD is actually a bright girl but BM just doesn't care. Dh would call and do HW with SD over the phone but that didn't help much.

We dragged the toxic blended opposition back to court for a Judge smack down. It did little good to correct their toothless moron toxic behavior and undermining of the Skids school success. They repeatedly would choose not to put the Skid on a plane as scheduled to get him back home from visitation in time to start school.

They also repeatedly would not allow the Skid to do vacation homework assignments during visitation. The judge did smack them for all of their crap that interfered with school but mostly to no avail. Our visitation schedule was a long distance visitation so we usually had time to help the Skid recover from anything he could not get done when on Sperm Land visitation.

The toxic bullshit of the Sperm Clan adversely impacting the Skid's school came to a head at the end of the first semester of his Sr. year of HS. We sent him to a top 20 boarding school (Military School) for his Jr. and Sr. years. He was an honor student, high performing military leadership track Cadet, and high performing athlete for his Jr year. We did not know it at the time but his Sperm Idiot hacked the school fire wall and he and the Skid started having all night WoW games during the last couple of weeks of the Jr. year. When he returned for his Sr. year he was such a zombie from the all night WoW fests that he flunked the only class he needed to graduate so we yanked him out of boarding school at Christmas and brought him home to our local HS. We had moved shortly after he started at boarding school so he knew no one at our local HS. We cancelled the rest of his Sperm Clan visitations until the end of the school year (Christmas and Spring) and told the Sperm Clan if they had a problem with that we would see them in court. The Skid had to bust his ass to graduate on time. To drive home the point I took him on a tour of Philly winter homeless camps under the overpasses in Philly and told him we either went to his HS graduation or we would be dropping him off at one of the homeless camps on what should have been his graduation day.

He busted his ass, graduated on time and with honors, and did go on his final CO'd visitation that summer before he turned 18. To ensure that the SKid did not choose to stay in Sperm Land after he turned 18 my wife went to pick him up in order to make it more difficult for him to tell his mom face to face in the event they had manipulated him in to joining the Sperm Clan on a more permanent basis since he had finished HS. The Skid is smart. When I flew to Sperm Land to drive he and my bride back home on our last family vacation with just the 3 of us he told me that he and his mom and talked about our fears that he would choose to stay in Sperm Land. His message to me was "I know where my home is dad. Why would I want to stay here?". That was one of those watershed Sparenting moments where you realize you have been additive to your Skid's life.

I suggest that your DH do what it takes to own BMs idiot ass, protect his kids, and overcome the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool. BM purposely not providing focus on school during her kid time is toxic enough IMHO to shred her ass in court until she either pulls her head out of her ass or she steps up and parents.

Good luck.

my SD13 goes to public school, and we have had the same issue.

the main purpose of school in both SD and BM's minds is socialization and fun. schoolwork and doing well is a very, very distant second.

school was a big part of why we wanted 50-50 last year. the kid has no structure at her mother's relative to school work but we had no way to prove it. BM lied in her discovery about SD's study habits, and then tried to pin the whole thing on my fiance for not paying for a tutor!! (in fact, a full school year before he suggested a FREE tutoring program to BM and she ignored that request, just like so many others).

i have a feeling that this year (8th grade) is going to be a horrid year for my SD in school. not my problem tho.

I don't know if this is an option, but since DH is choosing to pay for private school, and BM doesn't pay, it should be DH's decision as to whether or not SD stays in private school. It wouldn't affect BM's bottom line, so it shouldn't weigh into

I realize that she is only 10 (4th grade), but depending on where they are, middle school starts in 6th grade. I would use your time to start to instill a work ethic. If it doesn't change by the time it's time to transition to middle school, then I would not spend that kind of money.

Ultimately, it is the kid's education. If the kid doesn't take ownership, then the kid doesn't need to be there. I say this, knowing we have an issue with BM and the kids education. She doesn't care, she "plays" the role of caring parent twice a year, but doesn't lift a finger to help with supplies, homework, projects, extracurriculars, or anything else. She doesn't put the emphasis on school, but on shopping and electronics. We constantly struggle to get projects done on top of other homework during our time, as we know BM doesn't even know the project exists (at least, she pretends the kids don't say anything, she doesn't get the work DH emails, etc.). We aren't supposed to be raising good kids, we're supposed to be creating responsible adults.

Toxic situation....I would spend my energy getting SD to take ownership of her education/projects. The BM will not change, the court system will suck the life out of all of you. Not to mention the $$$. Plus the effort spent on helping SD organize and be responsible will pay off in high school- and for the rest of her life. For her whole life Sd will have to deal with her mother's apathy, if you teach her to be self sufficient, she will not be adversely affected by her looser BM.