My partner and my step daughter
I feel as though i am losing my mind. My partner and i decided over ten months ago that we would move in together. He lives with me and my children five nights a week. I love him and we have been together for two years. His daughter age 10, he has shared custody 50/50 with his ex. She spends one night a week here and the other two nights with her dad at his place. She is an intelligent child who has been used to having daddy all to herself for 8 years. She has made it crystal clear that she doesn't want to share dadda with anyone!!! She will not allow her father to move in with me because she wants dadda time all the time and wants to be the centre of attention at all times. I have been extremely patient with this child, but since finding out we are now expecting a baby a lot more pressure has been put on to us to move in together. I'm almost halfway through my pregnancy and my other half is terrified of telling dear SD that she is going to be a but sister. I cannot believe i am in a relationship with a man who allows his ten year old run his life - case of the mini wife syndrome. I have been patient and kind and understanding but i can do it no more. She is a spoilt child who manipulates her father with guilt, lies all over him, constantly begs for attention, tells him she loves him a million times a day, acts up, throws temper tantrums if dadda doesn't give enough attention, cries she's hurt - even when she's not, won't let me near her father, lies, schemes, gives me attitude and looks at me like i am a piece of s**t, all the while smiling like a little princess for 'dadda'. I honestly feel like i am losing my will to live! I love my OH very much, he's perfect, except for being controlled by mini-wife. It makes me sick, what can i do? Please help!!!
"She has made it crystal
"She has made it crystal clear that she doesn't want to share dadda with anyone"
Daddy (not you) needs to make it crystal clear that her desires are irrelevant in this case.
Your issue is NOT with this girl, it's with your BF. SD only controls him because he ALLOWS it. You've got a choice here. Either accept that he will always be controlled by this little girl and decide you can live with it, or tell Daddy Dearest that if he doesn't man up and start acting like her parent instead of her husband that YOU will no longer be in the picture.
You are so right ladyface,
You are so right ladyface, I'm almost crazy for thinking i could deal with this. I've told him that it has to stop otherwise its over. I just cannot put up with her behaviour and his willingness to put princess first!!!! Aaaarrrggghhh! I thought being patient would work and it needed time, but no. Bounderies x
Yup right again allyskoo! I
Yup right again allyskoo! I have thought for so long that i was being unreasonable! It is disgusting and i can't handle watching my beloved being put in chains by this little madam! X
so youve lived together for
so youve lived together for 10 months but he's paid rent on his own place all that tiem for the sole purpose of SD being able to have him to herself? not only odd, but a total waste of money!
Its-over, i like your plan of
Its-over, i like your plan of action, may do this! Calypso, hes got his own place rent free, he wanted to get the princess prepared for the move as she doesn't cope well with 'change'. He's in the process of selling and hes coming 'with or without' the princess. Echo, you are right and i respect what you say - harsh but fair about the pregnancy, I've ballsed up on that one. I know she will hate the baby, but my attitude is tough sh#t princess. I see what you mean about 2nd place, i sure feel like that x
10 months to get her
10 months to get her "prepared" for change? that's just for the move! even if you told her the day you got pregnant, that's only 9 months to prepare for THAT change.
i would make darn sure that this girl is never, ever, ever, ever alone with your baby. ever. did i say never ever???
Until he nips it in the bud,
Until he nips it in the bud, it will just get worse. He is the problem, not the kid. They learn by example. You are also to blame, for not putting your foot down soon enough. My SD was like this and I refused to tolerate it. DH got it, but unfortunately when he saw he needed to stop letting her control every situation, it was too late. She couldn't handle it and now lives with BM and not welcome in my home. Hopefully, he gets it rather quickly or you are in for an awful couple of years.
Not to be harsh but you claim
Not to be harsh but you claim he is perfect ~ ummm I see major flaws. He sounds like a chameleon ~ whoever is around gets the good part of him.
The longer you wait to tell "princess" the worst it will be. The transition time isn't avoiding it's actively engaging in getting princess used to her new life. You can't walk on eggshells with her ~ you know n I know she feels something or she wouldn't be so spiteful. You can't sweep this one under the carpet.
The daddy guilt trip had to end ~ face the facts. He has a daughter n is expecting another child. Buck up Daddio ~
I feel bad for you ~ having a baby should be awesome n you should be able to shout it from the roof top n enjoy every moment instead if gazing to hide it from a child. That's not fair to you at all. I can just imagine what will happen in your near future.
Yeah, everything you guys
Yeah, everything you guys have said has been completely fair. I'm 40 and have two awesome teenagers, everything was cool. I let a lot of things go, you know with the whole falling in love thing. I wasn't true to myself and thought i could put up with the strange relationship they have in order to get my man. My fault entirely, I'm a bit naive when it comes to all this, never having dated a man with kids before. I initially thought it was sweet, but have now come to reality with a huge bump. The big reveal is in 3 weeks after 20 week scan to make sure baby is ok. I wanted to join steptalk to get some good advice prior to launch, maybe just a place to vent. It makes me mad that his world begins and ends with this kid, i thought maybe i was jealous of there relationship but as time has gone on, i think its very, very strange. I need to sort it out for my sanity and that of this little one. I do love this baby and i feel cheated that I'm tip toeing around that little madam, who i am really wanting to sort out. I will not be leaving her alone with sd, sd has already said to me she wants to see me injure myself - that's not a healthy comment! Thanks for your advice, please keep it coming! X
how are your two teenagers
how are your two teenagers dealing with your pregnancy or do they not know either?
Hi calypso, yeah my two are
Hi calypso, yeah my two are cool and happy with having a new bro or sis, they're very laid back kids, I'm lucky. They adore my partner, but needless to say they find princess a royal pain in the ar*se, but have been prepared to put up with her spoilt ways as they like my oh being around x
Too late to nip it in the
Too late to nip it in the bud. It's bloomed.
Neither the father nor the kid is going to change in your lifetime. What a mess.
Don't let him move in - this is a doomed relationship and better to not let anything get started.
started? she's pregnant with
started? she's pregnant with his kid. a bit late for that.
Really orange? That's pretty
Really orange? That's pretty depressing news. I wonder how i can fix all this x
Look at what you wrote: you
Look at what you wrote: you can't believe that you are in a relationship with a man that let's a 10 yo control his life.
Wow, I can't believe you are in a relationship with a man that let's a 10yo control his life.
I keep thinking man or mouse...?
You are half way through your pregnancy and he still hasn't seen for to move in with you?
You know what, save yourself a lot of grief and don't let him move in, don't let his mini wife move in, in fact move on with your life without this guy. A relationship with him, where he fails to have a proper parenting relationship with his child is extremely concerning. You want HIM to parent the child you have on the way???
Either he needs a serious wake up call where he understands his role of your SO and his role of parent or you need to wake up as to what type of life you are going to have with a Disney Dad and his toxic little mini wife.
Dang, what a mess. Sorry
Dang, what a mess. Sorry love, but he isn't likely to change.
If you separate and get 50/50 custody then he could have the new baby when princess is at her mums. And then they need never meet and he can have two princesses!!!!
Seriously, just tell her. Tell her yourself in passing. Just do it. Fuck him if he's going to be a big girls blouse about the whole thing. Let that kid know you are in charge.
"started? she's pregnant with
"started? she's pregnant with his kid. a bit late for that". Calypso quoted from above.
Don't get married only to have the expense of a divorce. Don't let new baby get used to the fact that Daddy is around only to disappear when the child is 2 or 3 or whatever. It's heart breaking enough for children don't let the new baby get used to having Daddy around only to have him leave and only come back for weekend visitations.
Admit you made several mistakes. Now make the best of it and get out so you can be settled somewhere when the baby comes. There is no cure that can be offered here. Prayer might help your peace of mind.
O no!! This kid sounds
O no!! This kid sounds exactly like my ex SD , same age, same stupid behaviour.This must be hard for you being pregnant, but I think you gave them enough time.There is no way that he should not tell her by now you are pregnant and that you want to move in with each other.I am shocked how he has not even felt he should be doing this after you expect his baby!! I am so sorry to tell you this, but without a therapy you and your baby will always come last with this man.You have been far too patient, what he does is abnormal .Why is this 10 year old telling him what he can do and what not.Please suggest therapy.He is overattached to his bratty kid.Act now.
O no!! This kid sounds
O no!! This kid sounds exactly like my ex SD , same age, same stupid behaviour.This must be hard for you being pregnant, but I think you gave them enough time.There is no way that he should not tell her by now you are pregnant and that you want to move in with each other.I am shocked how he has not even felt he should be doing this after you expect his baby!! I am so sorry to tell you this, but without a therapy you and your baby will always come last with this man.You have been far too patient, what he does is abnormal .Why is this 10 year old telling him what he can do and what not.Please suggest therapy.He is overattached to his bratty kid.Act now.
One of the mums here has
One of the mums here has written an ebook (?) Well two of them - one for step mothers and mini-wives and the other for the dads - Ummmm her name is Katie Lee Douglas and I think her blog is called a little step mama drama - hopefully that's enough info for you to find her - I haven't read them as I don't have a kindle but they may be worth a look - for you AND for your OH.
My SD miniwife is 13 turning 14. OH was pretty cool about ceasing and desisting with the miniwife shit, but now she has ramped up her Step-Mother hatred and we have a whole new ball game of issues with her. All I can say is it needs to be sorted ASAP before she enters her teenaged years *and before the baby comes LOL
And as someone else said - NEVER leave your baby alone with her.
I appreciate each and every
I appreciate each and every one of your comments and i am going to set some severe boundaries with princess and her doting father. I want to enjoy this pregnancy instead of worrying about the pending explosion! Thanks x