Actually, he's saying his wife can't stand his daughter...

However, his 9 year old daughter blames the 2 year old for everything which gets the 2 year old scolded for everything and the 9 year old also yells at the 2 year old all the time and even though daddykins has told his 9 year old to stop, she doesn't, so he thinks there's nothing he can do.

Quite honestly, let her go. If you can't control your 9 year old, it isn't your wife's fault, and honestly, if you don't think it's your absolute IMPERATIVE to protect a TWO YEAR OLD from an older sister who causes her to get in trouble all the time and yells at her all the time, then buddy, I wouldn't want to be married to you either. Holy shit, a 2 year old BABY and her only advocate is her mother because daddy doesn't think what her older sister is doing is doing to her is a big deal.

Agree with not2sure. Sir, if you think telling a nine year old not to yell at and otherwise torment a baby is the only thing you can do, then you are seriously shortchanging both of your children.

If you truly love your wife and don't want a second divorce, get VERY SERIOUS ABOUT CHANGING YOUR PARENTING STYLE.

Do a quick google on "permissive parenting." All the research shows these kids fair poorly.

Just because your older child doesn't visit as much doesn't mean she doesn't need you to be a PARENT. The best thing you can do for her is give her some normalcy, meaning keep regular rules at your house and give her the guidance she needs to operate in the world.

That means DO NOT TORMENT BABIES. Show her how she CAN interact with the baby. Correct her and punish her EVERY SINGLE TIME she misbehaves with the baby. She has to know you mean business.

At 9 she can do dishes, make beds, clean bathroom sinks, etc. Some of these chores can be used as punishments. Don't fall for crying, wailing, and "I hate yous." Just keep your cool. And STICK WITH IT. Other things can be taken away favorite toys and electronics, etc.

If you can show your wife you are willing to start doing these things, you may keep your wife.

Or you may not keep your wife, but your 9 year old desperately NEEDS you to start doing these things in every other aspect of her life including basic manners, courtesy, homework. She needs that regardless of how your marriage turns out.

I'm having a hard time understanding just how this child went from 'nice kid' , respectful and helps with dishes, helps out with baby while your wife does other needed things, picks up after herself, knows she must respect your wife and does so, and to continue to quote your wife "I think she likes me and I like her" (all tidbits from your wife's previous posting within the last 2-3 weeks)...to the kid from freakin hell who is being banished.

Does your wife know you're using her user name and blogging here? Me thinks there is much more going on. Your wife posted previously that there is cheating and verbal abuse. It rather sounds like between your posts and your wife's post that something has happened in the last few weeks to turn your household upside down...is your daughter reacting to whatever it is that has recently occurred?

The kid has had a total personality change in 2-3 weeks and so has your wife.

Also love dtzy's post.

And wanted to add that I doubt your wife took an instant dislike to a then 4 year old child for any reason like she had blue eyes or sings off-key.

As your girlfriend, she was undoubtedly open to loving your child. But once she saw behavior repeatedly going uncorrected, leading the child to develop even more obnoxious behaviors, your girlfriend could no longer tolerate the kid.

She probably loved you a lot though, and hoped the two of you could work together and make things better.

But after 5 years there's apparently been no progress. She probably now has five years worth of hurts built up and now she has reached her breaking point.

You have to get serious about taking her concerns and complaints to heart. Not just your wife, but NOBODY not blood related to the child wants to be around a kid who is rude and has behavior habits bad enough as the example you gave us, about the baby. So whether you can save your marriage or not, the rest of the world begs you to save your child from getting any older with this mistaken view of what is acceptable behavior.

Ss9 used to be super rude and disrespectful here too. He has pushed, hit, yelled, thrown toys at, and kicked not only ME but our BC (2&4) because he didnt want to share or whatever problem at the time. So I gave him clear house rules wrote iut on poster board by myself and DH. Dh told him everytime he doesn't follow the rules he gets privileges taken away. If dh is not here the I have the right to take privileges away and send him to his room. So that is what we do. After a year and a half of NO privileges he finally started listening and doing right. You just need to come together as a family unit. I HATED ss9 2-3 years ago. Dh and I have been married for 5 years and ss9 wasnt bad until his bm started being rude and ugly about everything. Good luck and I hope for the best for all involved.

Agree with dtz bld post. She dislikes your daughter because YOU have allowed the disrespect and bad behavior. She told you early on that se couldn't handle and you made promises it would get better yet you failed her because you refused to get your daughter under control. Yes, I understand she's a child and she needs her fathers love; however, you are doing NOONE any favors by giving up and allowing her to act like a brat. There is no excuse for that. I do think your daughter probably longs for one on one time with you (a day at the park with a picnic, going to eat somewhere cheap and just hanging out for awhile, etc). Most kids want their parents attention but typically dads feel like they don't have time for one on one, then feel guilty, and then either give in to bad behavior and/or spoiling them. When you tell your daughter no or to stop, mean it... A child goes on and on throwing a fit to get their way when they are used to this working. Your child misbehaves because you, her father, has failed to correct her consistently and you have fueled the fire.

I do think your daughter should be a priority in your life, but you should have 3 priorities and you need to learn to balance that out and to demand respect and obedience in your home. Reward being polite and doing as asked with a trip to I get ice cream (just the two of you), but punish and take away privileges when these rules aren't enforced. Be consistent. Also, don't let your wife have to be the one to complain to you and stand up to your daughter, YOUR the man of the house and it's your job to see that your wife and younger daughter are treated kindly. Again, give plenty of rewards for good behavior but if your daughter refuses to be respectful to everyone in your home, you need to limit the visitation and continue disciplining her consistently until she does (do not reward her dr misbehaving out of guilt because kid do learn how to play parents and you will only be making it worse).
It's time for you to get serious and work hard to fight to save your family. All 3 of them.

If your post is legitimate then your STBXW has made her choice. Either her final choice or as a manipulation technique. Either way, file for divorce and emergency custody of the 2yo that you share with your STBX and prepare to destroy her in court.

If she is willing to force you to not have a relationship with your 9yo then she will very likely be just as manipulative regarding your relationship with the 2yo so you and your girls are far better served if you owned your toxic STB XW rather than letting her be the one with the legal stroke.

If you are not legitimate then my advice applies just as much to your bride. Someone above said that you are cheating on your wife and using her profile to manipulate here. If that is the case then you are the toxic one in this situation.

My condolences on the demise of your marriage but IMHO the legitimate spouse in this situation has to take firm control of this situation from the very beginning.

Good luck to whichever of you is legitimate.

I think it's better to just separate because the only person who this is hurting is your 2 year old you have together. The 2 year old getting blamed by the 9 year old and you tell her to stop and she doesn't. I don't blame your wife for being mad and wanting to just divorce. She has dealt with your daughter since she was 4. You don't see everything your daughter does because she is your daughter, you are going to defend her and put her first. Do you have a decent relationship with your ex? Have you ever thought that maybe the ex is saying things to your 9 year old and it's making things worse for your marriage? Obviously the 9 year old is jealous of her younger sibling. I think you need to take time out and spend some time with your 9 year old and ask her questions. Ask her why she blames her younger sister for everything. If you want to keep your marriage then i think its better to see a marriage counselor and you can see all of the issues your wife has with your 9 year old daughter. Then maybe you can have your daughter in counseling as well and see what her issue is with your 2 year old. If your wife is talking about divorce then you have been ignoring a lot of issues that have been going on for awhile. They will not get better by ignoring them.