They can't dictate your reproduction - they just recommended.

Sounds like the counselor isn't going to buy her story until s/he's heard from the parents including you. Good. No reason to worry you'll have your say in good time.

Not uncommon for the kids to manipulate therapists. Most of these therapists love kids and listen to their stories like they are the gospel. It is merely their perspective and important if they are in therapy but not to a decision making point. By decision making I mean "oh - it is not a good time for you to have baby".

Basically what a poor therapist. Any therapist would know that NO kid wants to see mommy or daddy have a child with another person. My kids don't want their dad to have another kid with his new wife. I say "listen - you may not like it - but it is not my business & she doesn't have kids and wants to be a mom". Of course the step mom has been completely insensitive about leaving pregnancy tests around, asking my kids what she should name the baby when it hasn't even been conceived yet, and over the TOP. Every visit the focus in on her getting pregnant including graphic stuff. I have dealt with two sobbing children so it really does affect them. My son explained it as the final "nail" in the "coffin" of what we once his family. I am taking my kids to counselor so they talk about that and deal better but she may get pregnant and so be it.

At age 17 that kid has one foot out the door and should be delving into her own life. The counselor may be anticipating the 17 year olds reaction. 17 year old's relationship with dad may suffer. She may come back in four years and love the little one toddling around. OR she May want to kick the little one to the curb (hard to predict). I think making sure that if you do get pregnant that 17 year old is told over and over by dad that he loves her and she is special and never replacable. That he establishes alone time - special things to do together - movies - tickets to places - weekly lunch & shopping trip....etc.

Counselors/therapists are there to listen - not to activitely make life decisions for people. They are there to teach the kids coping and strategy skills and PERSPECTIVE!!!! They are there to teach us as adults sensitivity and make us understand the kids perspective and how our decisions are going to impact the kids and what we can do to make the impact easier.

Good luck!

p.s. I think I should say "SOME" therapists listen to kids like the gospel. MOST understand it is a perspective!!!!!

No way in hell would I let a 17 year old dictate when I can have another baby.

Do not go to therapy. It will be all about you. Trust me. My therapist told me not to go. It was between the bio's and the kids. I didn't go, and she stopped going. Never went again. SD18 is one screwed up kid and I believe it is because everyone fed into her BS and never said to "Knock it off". Now she is a train wreck.

It is really easy to blame the SM and both BM and DH and SD did it to me for years. When I stopped feeding it, they stopped and DH woke the hell up and realized it was all BM and SD and not our household.

As for having kids, that is up to you and not a kid....

I was thinking the same thing that it's complete BS that a skid should get to decide whether you, AS AN ADULT WITH YOUR HUSBAND, should be allowed to have your own baby.

This is one of the reasons why most people hate skids. They infringe on your life in ways that is not at all fair.

When a "therapist" starts telling you that you shouldn't have a baby because it might upset SD it's time for a new therapist who isn't a quack.

I remember DW, myself and SD24 went to a family therapist. I was upset over SD24 being babied so much, which included her just taking off whenever she wanted to in DW's car, leaving us to take care of her child while she spent the night at her boyfriend's.

The "therapist" suggested that we put a calendar up with a schedule of when SD24 would be away from the house. I looked at her like she was crazy. Then she said that because my SD is an adult, we should treat her more like a roommate. I stood up and said "Are you fucking crazy?" First off, roommates pay rent. Secondly, roommates don't raise each other's kids. I walked out and went to the car and never went back.

I agree with the above, get a new therapist, someone who isn't going to take a 17 year olds word as the holy grail. And DEFFINETLY do not allow a child to dictate when you and your husband get to have your own child. She will be off to college (assuming) soon or other things and will have more freedom and independence and you and DH will be the least of her worries and you will regret not having your own with DH. If she's dramatic that she won't speak to her father over having a sibling, so be it.

Somebody needs a time out!

Crazy world we are living in.Shouldn't that therapist helping SD with her jealousy issues and building her confidence she is loved inspite of her dad and you having a new baby?That stupid person giving SD the idea she has the power to change the world the way she wants, including the right to prevent your pregnancy, which is the opposite of what she needs to hear.She needs to hear that the true power lies in herself and her ability to adjust to the new circumstances and her choice how to feel about them!!!Giving SD the illusion she can determine such things is just not right and will backfire big time.First it will increase SD's fears and insecurities and secondly she will feel the need to show a huge emotional reaction if you indeed fall pregnant- possibly another 'suicide attempt" because the world failed to spin around her even though her therapist has promised it should!!!!!!!!!!!!I absolutely think you should find a new therapist for her who gently but clearly tells her where her place is and backs up her confidence and assurance she is loved inspite of her family situation might change. This person has by agreeing with the emotionally sick teenager supported the idea that if you two are so"selfish" to plan a baby, that this means you guys don't care and her father doesn't love her anymore. Plus also reinforced that YOU are responsible for all of SD's dramas and problems. She doesn't do SD any favours by it- find someone else.

IN all this, I'm interested in how your DH reacted to being told in front of his daughter when to have his next child. I would in your shoes, examine that closely, I think it could help a lot in understanding what role he plays in all this.
In his shoes, as a parent I would have sacked her, just for intruding over a boundary that she should not have overstepped under any circumstances. I would be interested in why anyone would not and would find that curious.

How about remove yourself from situation. Let DH and 17 year old figure this out. I have found that after many attempts to get my SS help - as he so desparately needed it - it was like a three ring circus. My efforts to help him were not appreciated and fought and quite frankly a waste of my time. I have learned to let go & worry about the ones I have on board in my home. And I only worry "limited" about my step daughter as I love her but if she is someday going to move in wih mom full-time then so be it. GO!!! I have been an amazing step mom & loving & caring & I did more for her than either parent. My conscience is crystall clear.

So if 17 years old wants to have a hissy fit just let her. Tell your DH to handle this on his own with her and leave you out of it.

Your only worry right now should be starting your own family. I don't know if you have the 17 year old in your home at all but she can go live with mom full-time and it will make your life a lot easier. She is just too old to worry about.
Smile & take care of YOU!!!

Wow I went through this EXACT situation with my DH's eldest daughter, right around the same time (late teens) the temper tantrums to DH that he 'didn't love her anymore' and the crying fits in front of MIL that DH stopped loving her, etc.. etc..

It was of course all my fault as she painted it. I was also pregnant at the time...don't know if DH's daughter ever found that out but suspected she found the pregnancy test box when snooping in my bathroom.

Like your SD, my DH's daughter went on a rant about how it was soooo selfish of DH and BM to divorce in the first place (I didn't even know DH then) and that if they chose to do that they should have always remained single, and dedicated to her and YSD. She said it was unacceptable that her parents would find new partners, and it would be unforgivable for DH to have another family

I was already so stressed out at the time and all of her drama on top of it.....ended up having a miscarriage, and I've often wondered if all that stress didn't actually cause it!

Anyway, she went right to the ultimatum point with DH.

You know what fixed it?

DH finally had a talk with her himself. He told her the best thing he could do for her as her father was not give in to her demands, just because she was throwing a jealous temper tantrum. He said he hoped she would chose to be part of our life but if not, that was her choice.

We payed for that over the years, still are to some extent now. But DH's eldest is still in our lives, we see her and her son every week. She is better with DH, puts on an act of being better with me....way less drama

p.s. the counselor my son is seeing this conversation came up. He told my son that my son can't stop his dad from having another baby.
Amen!

I smell a duck. QUACK QUACK QUACK!