Narcissistic ex wife & daughter
God help me !!!
Any advice as to how to handle the narcissitic ex wife & step daughter.
Sd is 20 n just recently has been reunited with her father. She cut him out of her life because he chose to stay w me n my children. Her behavior prior to the split ~ she was a bully to my children. Hates me for my rules ~ when punishments were handed out with discussed together not just me.
Her behavior was obviously trying to get his attention but all the wrong ways. Her acting out was attrocious ~ she wanted what she wanted and wanted it now . She has no compassion or empathy for people. Her behavior is something I frankly just can't ignore n requires a heart felt apology before she will ever be welcomed in MY home.
Because she falls from Moms apple tree~ I am not going to hold my breath for that apology.
How do you deal with narcissitic ex wife m step daughter ?? Am I wrong for believing the way I think ?
Will it ever get better ??
She's 20, so you shouldn't
She's 20, so you shouldn't have to deal with her mother at all and your husband can see his daughter outside of the home.
I don't blame you one bit.
Will it get better? It might if she grows up but if she really is a narcissist, probably not.
^^^THIS^^^
^^^THIS^^^
I should say we are engaged n
I should say we are engaged n not married. I love him but I don't think I could marry him with her putried ways. I don't want her around me and my children.
I wonder if she is ever going to release her pit bull grip off of my children. It's been over 3 years n she is still at it. When does a 20 year old grow up to recognize it's not your world. I am guessing it is never going to be soon considering she gets what she wants when she wants it.
She dropped out of community college n is unemployed at this time n for fun she smokes dope & goes to concerts. What is wrong with this picture ??? I feel like I am the crazy train of life.
Think twice before you marry
Think twice before you marry him!!!!! It wont get better once the ring goes on your finger sister! I am in the same boat, but have 2 stepdaughters and 1 narcissistic bm. I love my husband and have to say that the reason our marriage has lasted is that we are also best friends, because the strain from those 3 divas is tough. Good luck! You arnt alone!
Narcissism is a mental
Narcissism is a mental disorder. When one recognizes one has a mental disorder the old saying goes you're half way to being cured. Well she's not even 1% and since she's not going to get help the problem will have to wait until the world beats it in to her that she's not the center of everyone's world. This will take decades and sometimes it never sticks - they never let go of the idea.
I assume you can't wait that long so its time for a talk with Daddy. Do you want to offer him a choice of you leaving or his daughter never being a part of your life? If he decides he can keep her a safe distance you will have to remember he may have a active second family which may invite him to weddings, BBQ's, birthdays etc. all involving not only the daughter but the ex wife.
Asking him to again completely 'abandon' his daughter seems too high a price for most fathers to pay for a second wife. Others here may disagree, maybe they already have I haven't read their replies so it doesn't taint or bias my comments. Be prepared for him to tell you he hates to see you go but he's got his daughter back for better or worse and he's not letting go once again.
So you leave or accept that he'll spend some of his time with her family leaving you alone.
I always wondered if her
I always wondered if her narcissism was genetic or a learned behavior. If genetic ~ she doesn't have a chance in hell.
His family agrees her behavior is horrible but show her compassion which I think is an absolute crock of shit. They hold hope to vital in her life ~ like she going to see the light. Never gonna happen.
Mommy dearest just ended a four year relationship & now her n daughter are bffs. I read somewhere where narcissist never have long relationships. Just craziness ~ they are pretty woman but their personalities do not show the same. Hate who I hate. Let's drink. Start being a parent but I guess when your kids 20 you can't go back. I use to have compassion for the daughter ~ but boy oh boy was I a fool. That kid would put my own kids in danger just to get what she wants.
I believe he speaks with her frequently but to tell you the truth. I believe her Xmas present is still in the garage.
Wtf ~ I think I have been dropped off at the island of misfit toys.
"How do you deal with
"How do you deal with narcissistic ex wife m step daughter ??" You don't. "Will it ever get better ??" Only temporarily. By showing compassion you are only feeding an emotional vampire. I can tell you from personal experience with a narcissist SD, that you will never receive an apology. Here's a little test: Tell her that you are both responsible for the breakdown in communication. If she is a true narcissist, like my SD, she will say, "No, it's all you!"
For the past three years SD has been banned from my home. She will not be allowed in the door unless DH tells her in my presence that she is to respect me in my home. It's non-negotiable. DH is free to see her whenever he wants (except the day of a holiday).
Orange made a good point - Dad will not completely abandon daughter for second wife. Before you ever marry this man, he must have a clear picture of your boundaries and expectations. If he can not agree to these, run like hell.
How old is your SD ?? The
How old is your SD ??
The problem with this kid ~ you speak to her n she has no response. The emotions seem almost non existence which is concerning ~ is she ignoring me ??? Internally mentally giving me the finger. Why do you not show emotion ??
SD is 39 years old. Does she
SD is 39 years old. Does she show emotions when she is in DH's presence? If so, she is 'internally mentally giving you the finger. If she never shows emotion there's something wrong with her.
Finger !!!! Lol Just
Finger !!!! Lol
Just exhausted of the whole issue
repeat.
repeat.
What does repeat exactly mean
What does repeat exactly mean ??? Sorry
Yhatzee ~ In the beginning
Yhatzee ~
In the beginning of our relationship everything was wonderful if she was getting everything she wanted. Plain n simple.
As time progressed I noticed the pushing of the envelope ~ and us (as parents were saying No ~ from a giant learning curve called deception) being pulled over by the cops n the bf's were in possession of drugs. Grounding them cause it's either one of two things birds of a feather or your just being naive n trusting of who you are in a car with. Lying to all parents involved just to get what she wanted ~ which to a point is normal but ahhhh I was a teenager n I turned my instincts on n I has insight as to what she was doing. Which doesn't make me annoying it was called being a parent bc my naive daughter was getting swallowed up in her drama. I think she figured if she involved my daughter ~ odds of us saying yes was greater. I wanted them both to have fun ~ when I figure out that my daughters best interest was not her concern I backed up ~ questioned her. Because out of one side of her mouth she was saying my daughters bf was stealing n the other side of her mouth was I think it would make her happy if she got to see her bf. Ummmm I was floored ~ he is a bad bf but she needs to see him. I am NOT your mother who could careless what you do ~ just as long as you are home by curfew. We had a giant respect issue with both of their bf's ~ we brought them to our home n had a sit down conversation with what would not be tolerated.
The pit bull reference ~ means that the kids haven't seen each other in over 3 years but she continues to butcher my daughter on all social media ~ constantly. The name calling continues ~ she is 20 years old. When does it stop ?
What is ironic is ~ that he
What is ironic is ~ that he and most of his family see that the daughter acts like his ex wife. They blame the ex wife ~ to a certain degree I used to believe that but at some point in your life you know right from wrong. He recognizes her bad behavior as a problem.
When the daughter lived w us ~ I questioned if she needed therapy helping her to adjust to her "new" family. I was full on board to get her whatever she needed to help the transition. But the reluctantance was normal. She would cry and not want to go with her mom when pick up time occurred as a 15 year old ??? Weird ??
Just sucks all the way
Just sucks all the way around.
This can be a positive thing.
This can be a positive thing. My SD is a narcissist whom I know will never apologize. She will also never agree to give me respect as her fathers wife in my own home. So I'm safe! Never have to bother with her again. YEAH!
Do they exchange with each
Do they exchange with each other or have ties been severed !?
How old is your SD ?
She is never allowed in my home as well ~ it wasn't home before her father moved in.
My SD is now 39 years old,
My SD is now 39 years old, and the narcissism has NOT improved with age. It never got better - only worse. As far as she and DH exchanging with each other, he recently received his first birthday card in three years but then even when she was allowed in our home SD rarely acknowledged his 'special days'. I believe she was angry because she had the impression he was going to leave me and he didn't. DH can see her whenever he wishes, except the day of a holiday or birthday. I think they communicate. I don't ask or really want to know.
Same here ! He spends all
Same here !
He spends all holidays w me n my kids. Here for all of our birthdays. I do not ask about her at all ~ for fear of an argument will be set off. It's an aspect of his life that is a secret ~ he shares when he wants too. I don't push at all.
Is this a healthy life style ???
The belief that blood is thicker than water is something she believes. I am sure she feels the same way ~ that she is upset that he is still with me. Oh well ~
It cracks me up because as she is just starting out her adult life~would you want to know that your parent is with someone who loves them and makes him happy ?? Would you prefer your father be alone and lonely and miserable ???
"Is this a healthy life style
"Is this a healthy life style ???" It's a heck of a lot healthier than it was when SD was entering my home and treating me like crap. "Would you prefer your father be alone and lonely and miserable ???" A narcissist never worries if her father is miserable or what makes him happy - only how it affects them personally. I have a theory that skids feel threatened by SMs because they know SMs see them for what they are rather than viewing them with the blinders that Daddy wears. And they know it. SMs don't see sulking and rudeness as cute. SM's look at adult skids and have the same expectations that have for other adults, while Daddy still sees his little princess as a special child. SM might eventually have the leverage to open Daddy's eyes so this affects their entitlement and priority status.
I stand firm on her not
I stand firm on her not crossing my threshold unless I get an apology and from this view it will never happen. Which frankly I am sooooo good with it ~ the devil will not enter my home ever again.
My mother passed away n my Dad remarried ~ she will never be my mother n never wanted to be. We had a good relationship ~ I wanted to enjoy what was left of my fathers life. Loved him so much ~ if he was happy ~ I was happy for him.
The ex wife hasn't liked me bc I had a relationship w my fiancé over 25 years ago we split ~ had different lives but were friendly until she came into his life. My fiancé was his possession ~ n now that apple has fallen from that tree.