KARMA UPDATE!

Forums:

As I posted earlier this week, DH was invited to his GD’s first Communion today but I was not invited. A celebration lunch at a local restaurant was going to be afterwards. DH insisted I go with him because after all, “you’re my wife!” I declined since I was NOT invited. This morning I asked him to reconsider and go to the communion but he declined. Well, DH did NOT go to his GD’s first communion, and truthfully, I am really disappointed in him.

I couldn’t help thinking “was this the time to have some balls regarding me as your wife – where the hell have you been these past 13 years?!” In turn, DH was mopey and had a pissy attitude towards ME all day long. To be honest, I ignored him and worked in my yard then I was on the phone with my friends for most of the day; this was, after all my ME time.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I know I am going to be blamed for DH not attending today’s events; his cell phone has been ringing constantly and he doesn’t answer. But on another note, I can’t help thinking why NOW play “she’s my wife” card on me after all these years.. Don’t use me as an excuse because the Golden Egg is going to be there! His GD is going to have pictures and remember that DH was not there!

Thanks, DH, for giving me another guilt trip! You don't have the balls to tell your golden eggs BEFORE AN IMPORTANT EVENT; you spring it on them at the last second!.

Any thoughts on how to get over this guilt? I sure would appreciate it!

Yeah he dropped his balls

Yeah he dropped his balls (way before we were married!)

I HATE (with a passion) being blamed for something that is NOT my fault. And I hate knowing that I am going to be blamed for his not attending. And I hate knowing DH won't have the balls to say "hey, this was HIS choice, not mine!"

I'll toast him next Sunday on Mother's Day! If you're going to act like one, you might as well be treated like one!

I know they're going to talk

I know they're going to talk anyways but it really hurts/pisses me off that they only hear DHs side!

Pfft. You are nicer than I

Pfft.

You are nicer than I am, if my DFH even remotely made a noise that it was my fault, I would snatch that phone away so fast and tell the steps what happened.

"I felt that I was not invited and because of that he declined to go at the last minute without telling you, and that was not my intention or plan to have it happen that way and I apologize for the way he did that, but I wanted you to know it was not my doing. I hope the ceremony was lovely."

They want to manipulate us to

They want to manipulate us to feel sorry for them, when all the while they are making the mess! Why do they find it hard to go alone? GO!! I don't have a problem with my Hubby going to his grown kids homes alone! If I'm not invited, I don't wanna be there anyway. You are right, you will be blamed, by them and him. The truth is he has not demanded RESPECT for you from his children, therefore this crap happens. RESPECT when taught to children at a young age carries on into adulthood....when it's not taught early they never give it and you cannot EARN IT from them, they don't have it to give.

I don't care if my DH goes to

I don't care if my DH goes to his kids events without me; I mostly enjoy the quiet time or as I call it "me time!" I think DH just doesn't want to go alone. It's not my fault him and the golden goose raised their kids to show no respect to others.

That's my point - I do

That's my point - I do question his timing!!! Today of all day's (his GD's first communion and he wants to man up?!) And no I do NOT buy into his guilt trip; I can read him like a book after all these years - the pouting, the not talking to me, etc. I somehow cannot acknowledge this because it's going to bite ME in the ass, NOT HIM!

He has a great way of saying it's all MY fault!

Interesting that he didn't go

Interesting that he didn't go but I would let him know I thank you for standing by me and wanting me to go with you but honestly it wasn't my place. If I wasn't invited ~ I wasn't invited. Plain n simple.

Maybe he realizes you two are a team ~ it's either and all it nothing deal. You guys are a packaged deal. His kids were rude for not inviting you n I m sure he is hurt that they hurt your feelings.

But he can't use this event as a crutch ~ and bash you in the future. It was his decision not to go ~ you didn't put a gun to his head. You encouraged him to go and he declined.

Maybe he senses the distance in you being ok with not going and wondered what is up with that ??

Honestly I think you inside are applauding his declining the invitation. But you actions inside are sarcasm cause you don't want to be blamed for him not going.

Give him the kudos he deserves ! You seem strong enough on your own ~ to not fall for his guilt trip.

It might be a new beginning ~ Encourage it. If you don't your letting the Golden Egg win !!
Enjoy what's left of this day n night.
Good luck ~ I'd be proud of him.

>>>Any thoughts on how to get

>>>Any thoughts on how to get over this guilt?<<<

My advice is to recognize that you didn't do anything to feel guity about. You were not invited, he chose to not go, and life will go on. If the skids blame you, oh well. You know the truth, and that's what matters. Don't even give it another thought.

thank you; I'm having a hard

thank you; I'm having a hard time respecting DH for standing up for me (FINALLY!) but I don't know if it's a show or what!

OK Cat; I'm confused - really

OK Cat; I'm confused - really really spell it out for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU! You said exactly

THANK YOU! You said exactly my feelings! Thanks for understanding...

I AM TOTALLY IGNORING HIS

I AM TOTALLY IGNORING HIS SULKING!!! And truthfully, it's pissing him off. I guess he wants me to reward his behavior today-I think not! I still feel he made a mistake despite the fact that I was not invited.

All in all, I will get blamed for everything (like always) and he will smell like a rose, the victim of the 2nd wife.

But please stand up to him-in

But please stand up to him-in a nice way- because resentment will build in your heart and destroy the relationship. You count and deserve to be happy. These guys just have such a hard time taking a stand with their kids, they are terrified of being the bad guy. I am going through this, its very hard. They love us but let us take the hate and the heat from their families. They are so afraid that the kids will turn on them and they will look bad, hence-we look bad!

I feel for you! No matter

I feel for you! No matter what anyone says it hurts so bad. After 6 years( I have no children(unable to)), I have learned that us second wives- stepmoms -are too often the scapegoat to the children and the ex for the fact that the husbands relationship did not work out and divorce or breakup occured. Its so easy for the ex, the children,etc to just blame the stepparent and hate us. Then no one has to accomodate, change and accept the new family unit, just blame and demonise the new person. Sounds like your husband is too afraid to stand up to the family and its sooo much easier to let you be the "bad" one! Been there sister! Therapy helps too!! Good luck, your not alone!

don't know who paid for the

don't know who paid for the luncheon since DH didn't go; another reason I am sure I will be blamed for that too.

Lets be sure I understand.

Lets be sure I understand. He wanted to go despite you not being invited. You wanted to go despite not being invited. OK, he did the right thing. But now he's angry and between the two of you he wants to blame you and may very well let the family think you kept him from going. If that's right I'd be tempted to let it be known in his family that you wanted to go but he didn't go because you weren't invited. This will place the blame where it belongs. On the person doing the inviting.

Are you friendly enough with any of them to drop this pearl of truth? An aunt, sister whoever?

^^^THIS!^^^

Thanks Step; I gardened then

Thanks Step; I gardened then got on my phone and talked to friends for hours. I ignored DH's sulking all day long and it was nice; almost like a ME day.

As for picking up the phone and calling them, truthfully, they're not worth my dime. And if I did, it would just something else for them to bitch about, plus my words would definitely get switched around (happened before).

Thanks Step; I gardened then

Thanks Step; I gardened then got on my phone and talked to friends for hours. I ignored DH's sulking all day long and it was nice; almost like a ME day.

stepmothers make great

stepmothers make great scapegoats. we always have. case in point was sd/adult came to live with us after her mother refused to support her after high school graduation. started trying to turn our house into her house and finally cursed me out. mil refused to support me. dh then accused me to kicking sd out. i said, she made her own doorway and then was advised to leave through it.

I agree - I'm blamed for

I agree - I'm blamed for everything and most of it is shit that I didn't even know was going on. so I am going to try to be positive - at least they think of me (lol!)

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