Quick Question.....can 6yr old girls REALLY be THAT manipulative!??
Sd6 visited last night......normal dram at BM's but whats new.
But, I wanted to ask, can a 6 year old really be that manipulative?? I mean my bio is 6 (Both BD and SD are 7 in September), and she doesnt really manipulate. If she isnt happy about something, or wants something and I refuse, I get the normal huffs n puffs and the insistent "but whyyyyyyyyy mommyyyyyyyy", although on the whole, BD just accepts what I say.
SD though, she does things different. But is it just different or does she have a manipulative streak to get her own way? SD can be quite caring at times towards me, and at the moment Im under no illusion that she does like me a lot. The other day getting out the car, she swung the door open to hard and it wacked my hand (my life it hurt!), and as I was about to reprimand on being careful (its a borrowed car whilst ours is being repaired) she genuinely felt terrible she had hurt my hand and nearly burst into tears. Which Ive noticed, she does quite a lot lately too. Yet as explained the other day, she is all "oh..I wish I could've had this or that or tuther" and started cutting me dirty looks as well as my BD.
should have said the cut
should have said the cut looks were when I bought a gift for both girls but bough my BD 2 extra items. I should also point out taht neither of them were with me at the time
She was sincerely
She was sincerely concerned/sorry when she accidentally hurt you. She was upset when your daughter received more stuff than sheddid. She sounds like a normal kid. :?
Yes, even six-year-olds can
Yes, even six-year-olds can be manipulative. By 6, exSS9 was already a master manipulator. He played his parents against each other, lied about his brother to get him into trouble, etc.
By 8, he was accusing DH and I of abuse and giving me the finger and smirking when he thought DH wasn't looking. Of course, exSS9 has mental health and severe behavioral issues, but any kid can manipulate. Especially once they learn what they can get away with. And if the kid has a mother with a personality disorder who teaches manipulation as a life skill, there you go.
That said, what you've described with your SD doesn't really sound like manipulation. Of course she'd be upset if she found out you had bought your daughter more than her. That's fine; as a BM, I do more for my son than I do for SS too. But at six, she wouldn't understand that.
I agree...Yes! Children of
I agree...Yes! Children of that age definitely have the ability to manipulate! I don't have a personal home experience with this, but I have previously worked in a Special Ed. Classroom geared toward Behavior Disorders...and Wow the things you will see! Not excusable, but I believe these children learn this as early as infant age...It's a survival technique...When babies are not given the proper care and love they learn early on to just "survive"....and part of that is learning how to manipulate their environment to do just that...It's sad....but frustrating for you!
Firm and consistent hand in your home! This will help, takes a while, but be persistent!!
Oh, and I think it's a good
Oh, and I think it's a good thing that your SD was truly upset when she hurt you. I fell down the stairs and was pretty severely injured once, and exSS ( 8 at the time) laughed maniacally and had a serial killer smile on. Creepy.
Thankyou both!! I know it
Thankyou both!!
I know it seemed rather random really. The above was really not the best examples to use! lol But then, I find it hard to believe that its possible at 6 years old!,
But since typing it, Ive thought some more too. She does lie. She lies for her mom and brothers quite often and about them. Things like "yes daddy Ive been to school" when she hasnt, and when she is found out its always "I forgot I hadnt!".
We bought them both a childs iPad type thing, SD dropped hers and broke it so we had to repair it. I asked if she had dropped it or anything like that before we took it, and she said no...it turned out she had. But again said "I didnt remember" Her mom has in the past asked her to lie for her so that doesnt help.
Here are some things Ive rememebered;
DADDY "have you been excited about coming to see daddy angel!"
SD6 "oh yes daddy, ive been telling mommy lots and lots to tell you to hurry up. I couldnt wait for you to come daddy"
SS19 to me; "SD6 told dad she was excited to see him and that. She wasnt. She told mom she didnt want to come and even refused to get ready and told mom to tell dad she was ill" I just said, oh its one of them. She was probably happy where she was.
SD6 was quiet one week so OH asked her what was wrong. She had not long been told no for something. So SD6 told her dad that BM sends her to her room everyday after school and that she has to watch telly and play up there. She only comes down for tea. . Dad scooped her up and said "well you dont have to do that here darling, cos daddy loves lots"
YET, when she was busy playing and relaxing, she lets slip that she had toys downstairs, and that she did this and that downstairs (OH was at work at the time) so I said "I thought you had to go up to your room all the time!?" her reply was
SD6"No! lol....I play downstairs with mommy and BMP and dog and we watch telly or I play in the garden"
Me; "Oh, I thought you told daddy you had to stay upstairs?"
SD6" Oh...well erm.....I forgot that I dont have too"
Me; "You forgot you dont have to what? Stay in your bedroom all the time? You shouldnt lie about things SD6"
SD6; "But I didnt!! I just forgot"
I watched her rip wallpaper in the house a while ago. Asked why she had done it, she said she hadnt. She tried to blame my BD. I told her Id watched her! "I forgot" was her answer again.
Thanks for this. I had been
Thanks for this. I had been concerned that maybe I was being a little critical of her. Im not trying to be or mean to be. Im, just making sure that things that are happening lately are not something other than normal (slightly irregular) behaviour, hence why Ive posted here. I really do appreciate all the comments I get though, because it helps me understand the dynamics better.
SD is so very different to my BD, which as Ive said below is mainly due to differences in upbringing.
A 6 yr old manipulator is not
A 6 yr old manipulator is not too young. In my experience, skids are WAY more manipulative all around because they learn at a very young age that BM will respond to certain approaches while DH will respond a different way to the same approach. So, my SD learned by age 5 to change her entire approach and personality, depending on what she was trying to get for herself and from whom. With bios, there's more consistency since they see both parents all the time and they get used to the same expectations and responses.
My SD was a master manipulator from the day I met her at age 4! It's only gotten worse and worse over time. Now as a pre-teen, my life is a damn nightmare.
There is no magic age for
There is no magic age for manipulation. A baby throws his cup off of the high chair and you pick it up. He does it again and you pick it up, he does it a third time and you pick it up. It is now a game. Two days later dad is giving the baby lunch, the baby throws his cup and dad leaves it there and doesn't pick it up. That child has learned what "works" with mom and what doesn't work with dad. The same thing happens with toddlers, preschoolers, school aged children, tweens and teens and even adults/co workers.
^^^^^this^^^^^ Her cutting
^^^^^this^^^^^
Her cutting looks may work on her mom, dad or older siblings. She's trying to see if it works for you.
Some parents will make their kids feel bad if they're looking forward to seeing the NCP. Sad but true, what your older skid said may have been true but it may have been the younger skid trying to keep BM happy.
Very true. We all manipulate
Very true. We all manipulate for survival but I still think skids learn manipulation on a deeper level and they do it more often. Probably because there are so many more opportunities to manipulate when 2 parents are tugging back and forth on the kid.
>But, I wanted to ask, can a
>But, I wanted to ask, can a 6 year old really be that manipulative??<
Yes. Is it normal? Yes. Heck my bios are 2 and 4 and they try all kinds of things to get their way, from whining, crying, to claiming they are so hungry they will die if they do not get that piece of chocolate RIGHT NOW. When I point them to the supper they barely took two bites out of, they quickly say "Oh no, I'm full!"
I think your real question is, "Is this manipulation a sign of sociopathic behavior"? Based on what you wrote here, I would say no. True sociopaths have little to no empathy for the person they are trying to manipulate. Friends (and even family) are only there to service them, maintain their social standing, image, etc. At the age of 6, these concepts are too evolved to grasp let alone comprehend.
Yeah, I agree with this.
Yeah, I agree with this. Kids learn all sorts of ways (and try all sorts of NEW ways!) to get what they want. It takes time and teaching for them to learn they're not the center of the universe.
The fact that she showed genuine empathy and remorse when she accidentally hurt you seems to indicate she's just a normal kid in that regard though. Although if DH gives in to manipulation she's going to make that her go-to tactic, and that WOULD be bad. As long as you guys stick to what you say and don't let her manipulate you into giving her more than you intended, I wouldn't worry about it.
Thankyou all for your
Thankyou all for your comments
Are the lies common too? Some are little silly lies, some are not really.
See, my BD doesn't behave like this at all....and I know everyone has different parenting views and ideas, and so maybe that's it.
I have witnessed her try to manipulate her dad, which he is gotten better at seeing.....i've then watched her do it to MIL whilst dad was there, who in turn told her off.........now she tries to manipulate MIL when dad isn't there.
Actually this post and the
Actually this post and the comments have really helped!! Thanks Guys....Im not sure what I would do without you all helping me plough through this minefield!
Lol it certainly can be
Lol it certainly can be tough. My BD can actually be a nightmare in many other ways! She is too independant as a start! lol
There was a discussion a year ago, where OH wanted to try and get SD in the same school as my BD, but my BD is Catholic whereas SD is not. The school is small, so they would have been in each others pocket throughout their primary school, and I stated that I didnt think it was a good idea.
There are times, I admit that I do favor my daughter in some areas, because I am responsible for her and of course my love is totally free and unconditional, but obviously not my SD, HOWEVER, my BD can be quite a bugger at times and I do not allow her to get away with it, whether its against SD or not, I am also no different with SD. I do tend re discipline to treat them the same.
I suppose this is where my issues are here; I will be taking my daughter with me on Sat to an hair appointment, where we will both have our hair lobbed, and I will then go and get BD new school shoes. We will then probably have a bite to eat before heading home. NOW, SD6 will be staying with her dad, and I know what SD6's reaction will be when we get back. She will be cutting looks, asking why she wasn't done or had new things, and then she starts to moan to her dad (this is her woe is me bit which she does sadly do)...then OH goes into a mood. Ive said before, it isnt my role to do this, its either BM or dads. But SD6 will attempt to make out that I should have taken her. She feels that she has the same rights as BD. Even if I take BD shopping when SD isnt even there, she does the same attitude. This is when she will normally start to woe is me MIL too. SD6 has this habit of making me feel bad possibly without trying too, and this is what I meant by manipulating. I think she is trying (and winning I have to say) to manipulate me.
I have learnt to find the right words for SD6 to help her understand that its her mommy that does the things with her that I do with my BD. Now I know, jealousy is normal, but Id like to nip it in the bud before it progresses any further.
Sad truth, I thinks she will only get worse. She already knows how to get around her dad and MIL, and her mom. But then, its BM, dad and SS's that have taught unwittingly.