Exhausted by simple mistakes
I love my DH with all my heart. He tries so hard to be a good dad and work with BM when it's feasible to make sure the skids are well cared for, etc etc etc.
But she's just SOOOO high conflict. Any mistake he makes, she's on like a hawk. In mediation, he really tried to meet her halfway and come up with an agreement that worked (mediation was only necessary in the first place because SHE moved an hour away and voluntarily gave up all her weekends - he was working to get a more realistic schedule for the skids) and then refused to consider any adjustment other than EOWE visitation for DH.
Anyway .. they drafted a new parenting agreement based on what they agreed to in mediation and there is a mistake. "Weekends" are defined as Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm. It should be Monday 9am, or beginning of school day, whichever is sooner.
The Sunday was part of an earlier draft that didn't get updated.
All of them (at least DH and the mediator) missed the error in review and the agreement was signed, filed with the courts, and is now binding.
Of course, they've agreed subsequently that the intent was Monday morning. But now BM is mad about something else (we have no idea what) and is demanding to enforce the agreement to the letter.
Agreement also states that on matters they can't agree, they need to use a parenting coordinator or a mediator PRIOR to filing with courts. Primary contact is email, or texting when email is not successful. He sent an email saying he'd be contacting the mediator for reference or appointment. She has been texting asking him to call her, saying she wants to talk about it and not go back and forth in emails over it.
I just don't trust her. DH doesn't trust her. DH doesn't want to cave and call her because it sets a whole new precedent. But he really DOES want to get this worked out, hopefully without a slew of legal bills and mediation fees.
Anyway .. long rant, but at the end of the day, it was a MISTAKE. HIS mistake, yes. He should have caught it, but they went through so many rounds of revisions that I guess it just got missed. They agreed it was a mistake. Why can't she just let go .. and not FIGHT about every.little.thing? It's exhausting ..
Whoever said that she'd calm down once she had the new baby was dead wrong.
/end rant
Yeah .. that's how she wins.
Yeah .. that's how she wins. She just beats him down until he's too exhausted to fight.
For Christ's sake .. he just wants to see his kids and be an active part of their lives
It is exhausting. I will
It is exhausting. I will never, ever be with another man who has kids EVER!!! I am still married (for now) but it is somedays looking pretty efffing rosy without dramaqueen BM, lazyass SS's and all the excuses that DH can muster.
Yeah. There's always a plan.
Yeah. There's always a plan. He's already talked to his lawyer. He's going to contact the mediator, but his attorney said the mediator won't likely submit any changes without her approval.
So the process begins again .. more money, more time, more energy ..
*sigh*
I don't know how it works in
I don't know how it works in your area, but status quo takes precendent over the CO in our area. What that means is, if your DH and BM have been doing exchanges at 6pm on Sundays every Sunday for the past "X" number of years, one party cannot just suddenly demand to change status quo just because that is what it states in the CO.
I know it sounds weird. I mean, what is the purpose of having a CO in the first place if it is not going to be followed to the letter right? But that is how it works (at least in our area).
This is a tactic that Donkeykong has (semi)successfully applied in the past. He asks for a temporary change in the CO (usually over the holidays) and we (foolishly) agree. The following year he'll write us stating "As we did last year, we will do XYZ." When we say. "uh no we will not. The CO states *this* and that is what we will follow" - and then the big fight ensues.
For example, last year on the Thursday before Good Friday, DW was forced to yank SS out of school 20 minutes early to avoid SS being picked up by his father. Custody order states that SS is with us Monday to Friday. We also get SS for half a day Easter Sunday. The CO does not make any provision for Good Friday (which is a holiday), but in Donkeykong's mind, he gets SS on ALL Good Fridays because "that's the way it has always been done".
That's assuming she doesn't
That's assuming she doesn't fight and force pick ups to start happening on Sundays to re-establish her own precedent of Sunday drop offs.
Currently DH takes them to school Monday mornings. We don't have that much time with them .. when drop off happens at 6pm on Sundays, we have to be done whatever we're doing and heading to the drop off spot by 5:30. Since BM moved the opposite direction from all of our family and friends, that usually means we're cutting any family events short by at least a couple hours since we have to leave even earlier.
Nothing about my situation is new or special. It just sucks and I'm tired of it
Yeah .. he does a pretty good
Yeah .. he does a pretty good job of it.
There's just always an issue. Real, made-up, faked, contrived .. still there waiting to be dealt with.
I just want some peace.
Is there any transcript of
Is there any transcript of mediation?
BM's lawyer pulled out the paragraph on DH getting SS for income tax last minute and after 8 months of BM making stupid changes so she could stay on insurance DH missed that they took it out.
However, since it was on transcript and on previous CO the judge changed it without further hearings - though we did pay $75 for the transcript that had to be submitted (and we now have a copy) but it was well worth it opposed to a slew of lawyers fees.
It's worth checking out, but
It's worth checking out, but I doubt it. It was only the 3 of them in the meeting room, so unless it was recorded (might have been, but that'd be the first I've heard of it). I'll mention it to DH and see if he can contact the mediator.
I know for my DH there was a
I know for my DH there was a tape recorder in the room - though he wishes some of it wasn't recorded and then the court recorder in the court room. We got both transcripts and it worked to change it. I would look in every avenue of trying to get information along this level because like I said it saved us lots.