Well, legally it's her name so unless it's in the divorce decree that she is to change it back to her maiden name, she has every right to keep it.
It does seem to be a bone of contention with a lot of women, but I personally don't see what the big deal is. A lot of people have the same last name.
He could take your last name instead. Or you can just keep yours, doesn't make you less married. Or you could both change your last name to something else. There's a few options.
I kept my ex's last name legally and professionally. I was 22 when I got married and in graduate school so it made sense to keep it professionally. I kept it when I got re-married too. It's a little strange, but it works for me, and I haven't identified with my maiden since college so....DH doesn't care at all.
You won't be the second Mrs X. His mother' s mrs x, if he has brothers their wives will also be mrs x and unless you plan on running round town introducing yourself as the second mrs x, no one is going to care. It's a name, check the phone book, there are probably hundreds of other mrs x's. My husbands x kept her married name till the day she died and was buried with that name. It's not something that ever bothered me. If it did, I wouldn't have married him. If there are kids involved I think it's important for them to have the same surname as their mother and father anyway. But whatever, it's a name and lots of other people world wife have it. No matter what name the x carries, you will always be his second wife. That's just how it is.
I kept my married name after my divorce to have the same as my kids. But I'll change it when SO and I get married.
Bm kept her name, I don't think it would bother me as much if she didn't have the same first name as me.
It irritates me that we'll have the same exact name.
Eh, I kept my married name. It's our kids' last name so was easier wrt school, and it's not like it's my ex's real last name anyway (changed by his parents when he was young...). If his current wife has a problem wit hit/ It's her problem, not mine.
It did bother me to a minor degree that BM kept DH's last name (which is not common) so I decided to hyphenate when we got married. I wouldn't have changed it at all, but we had a destination wedding and I wanted to make sure the marriage was recognized (I was told it wouldn't be and that's not true.) Anyway...we now have children, and it doesn't matter at all that my children don't have the same last name as me. If I divorce DH, I would drop his name immediately, so I think it's BS that BM still kept it...she doesn't even work! To each their own... It is easier to not change it, but whatever.
Our BM kept her last name when she remarried so she has the same last name as her kid. I use my maiden name hyphenated with my late husbands name. Professionally I only use my maiden name.
I never use DH's last name unless it is dinner reservations. My mom kept my dad's last name after the divorce. Most women do so they are like their kids.
Get over this one.... it is just a name. Maybe someday I would take DH's name, but BM is using it and my SD so it is nothing special to me.
I don't understand women who keep their ex-husband's last name (unless their kids are very small and they want to have the same last name as them). When I got divorced, of all the men in my life to that date, I only wanted my daddy's last name so that's the name I took:-)
My mother kept my father's name since I was young when they divorced. But then his wife didnt take his name. My half siblings did, so its very confusing. Plus everyone is a doctor or some other title. My wedding invitation was ridiculous.
My memere also kept her married name in the divorce. I couldn't understand why. He cheated and she hates his guts, she'd love to watch him die a slow death. But her adoptive parents were abusive to her her whole life and she'd rather keep his name then ever be associated with her parents name again. Other than that though I don't really understand why you would keep it. If you don't want to be his mrs anymore why do you still want to be called his mrs ? I don't know. I think it's weird.
It is a royal PITA to go through a name change. I don't care who gets married how many times, I am keeping DHs name. I don't care if I end up hating him and my kids are grown. Just never going through it all again
No, that's exactly what I'm saying. It's totally a pain in the ass to change your name the first time. Therefore, when I have up my maiden name and took DHs, it is for life. I don't care if we divorce and his new wife hates it. It's mine forever.
Eh, different strokes and all. Sometimes it's a factor of where we are in our lives. In my case, I'm not divorced, and DH doesn't care, so it's all good. My mother has been remarried for almost 25 years, but still has her first married name. Her husband doesn't care. It seems to be more and more of a nonissue these days.
I personally would not keep it. I don't understand why you would want to, but to each his own I guess. If you changed it once it's not too hard to change it again.
When DH and BM divorced he told her there was no way she was going to be walking around with his last name. She wanted to keep it because of the twins, but he told her that was his fathers name, and if she no longer wanted to be Mrs. DH then she was no longer going to be Mrs. DH. So she changed it back to her maiden name. It's obviously not too hard. You did it once you can do it again.
I don't have a problem with it. Unless of course she is using for fraudulent purposes. My husband's ex has been married and divorced 3 times and uses the last names along with her maiden names (along with variations of her first and middle names) on and off whenever it suits her purposes. My husband took it to court post divorce, as it was a condition of his divorce decree,and she was ordered not to use his last name but I have no idea how that would ever be enforced.
I have a co-worker who was married to a Japanese man for less than two years, never had any kids, and continues to use his very Japanese/hard to spell and pronounce last name. They have been divorced for 10+ years now. I find that odd that she would want to keep his name, but whatever...
I admit I kept my exH's name after our divorce, initially, simply because it made him and his mistress very angry. It was childish of me. Maybe your OH's ex is being childish too. Once I stopped caring if my ex and his mistress cared, I reclaimed my maiden name.
When her last name provokes a discomfort reaction in you, she doesn't suffer. You do. Try to let it go.
ETA: I agree name changes are a PITA. Cost me nearly $700 to drop my exH's name 18 months after our divorce (would have been "free" at the time of divorce). When I married my now-DH, I did not change my last name. Never. Again.
Name changes are a PITA, especially with going down to social security. I think most women with kids like to keep the same last name as their school age children. I know that when/if I am able to pull the trigger I would keep the same last name because of BS6.
BM kept his last name and DH was pissed off ( stupidly so) she is engaged and will marry when SS14 graduates in 4 more years. She is currently trying to get an annullment so she can get remarried in the catholic church. ( Dh is pissed off about that too) she says she can get one with or without his cooperation. I have decided to toss the paper work when it arrives so we can all avoid acrazy blow up. I am going to have to ask her if she is planning on keeping the same last name or take fiancee's. I am betting sincet he kids are grown she will take his.
Having changed my name when I married DH and it being a HUGE pain in the ass, NOPE not changing it if we ever divorce. LOL. I am in my early 30s and I had A LOT of different areas I had to change it with and it was super annoying.
Technically, "Mrs." is a title for a married woman, and "Ms."/"Miss" is a title for an unwed/divorced woman. At least that's what I was taught in elementary school.
BM hyphenated when she married DH, and has yet to drop the married last name. This past fall, DH corrected SD's teacher in an email where she had referred to DH and BM as "Mr. & Mrs. DH". He respectfully requested that BM be referred to as "Ms." because the two of them are no longer married and his wife is "Mrs. DH".
He respectfully requested that BM be referred to as "Ms." because the two of them are no longer married and his wife is "Mrs. DH".
^^^^ I like this!!!
BM kept DH's last name. It used to bother me alot but not anymore because as someone else said who's to say she wasn't married to one of the other brothers or cousins.
BM had been married with children prior to DH and always used her maiden name. When she was married to DH she always used her maiden name even though DH hated she didn't use his name but when they got divorced she wanted to keep DH's last name "because of the child". :?
I think this is a complete non-issue. What do you care if she keeps the name? You have the guy, after all. And if you're in a town small enough to know that there are two Mrs. Whatsits, they also know who the current Mrs. Whatsit is, right?
Actually, we aren't in a small town. There are situations, such as the one I described above, where a person may not be aware of the status between a child's bio parents, for example. Besides, there can only be one Mrs. DH at a time. The title implies that the woman is married to the Mr. or has been widowed.
I kept both of my prior married names before DH because, like others have said, it is a pain to change the name, but I dropped the Mrs. for Ms. I guess for me it seems tacky to go around proclaiming to be Mrs. DH after a divorce, ESPECIALLY if the ex has moved on and found a new Mrs.
Well, legally it's her name
Well, legally it's her name so unless it's in the divorce decree that she is to change it back to her maiden name, she has every right to keep it.
It does seem to be a bone of contention with a lot of women, but I personally don't see what the big deal is. A lot of people have the same last name.
He could take your last name instead. Or you can just keep yours, doesn't make you less married. Or you could both change your last name to something else. There's a few options.
I agree with Hereiam. I don't
I agree with Hereiam. I don't see what the big deal is with the name thing.
Now, that's kind of funny.
Now, that's kind of funny. Keeping the name of an ex husband instead of taking your new husband's last name is a little different.
I kept my ex's last name
I kept my ex's last name legally and professionally. I was 22 when I got married and in graduate school so it made sense to keep it professionally. I kept it when I got re-married too. It's a little strange, but it works for me, and I haven't identified with my maiden since college so....DH doesn't care at all.
You won't be the second Mrs
You won't be the second Mrs X. His mother' s mrs x, if he has brothers their wives will also be mrs x and unless you plan on running round town introducing yourself as the second mrs x, no one is going to care. It's a name, check the phone book, there are probably hundreds of other mrs x's. My husbands x kept her married name till the day she died and was buried with that name. It's not something that ever bothered me. If it did, I wouldn't have married him. If there are kids involved I think it's important for them to have the same surname as their mother and father anyway. But whatever, it's a name and lots of other people world wife have it. No matter what name the x carries, you will always be his second wife. That's just how it is.
I kept my married name after
I kept my married name after my divorce to have the same as my kids. But I'll change it when SO and I get married.
Bm kept her name, I don't think it would bother me as much if she didn't have the same first name as me.
It irritates me that we'll have the same exact name.
LMAO - yes now that is
LMAO - yes now that is horrible, I would hate that!
Just call yourself _____ ______ Mark 2, the new improved version LOL
Sorry, replied on wrong post
Eh, I kept my married name.
Eh, I kept my married name. It's our kids' last name so was easier wrt school, and it's not like it's my ex's real last name anyway (changed by his parents when he was young...). If his current wife has a problem wit hit/ It's her problem, not mine.
It did bother me to a minor
It did bother me to a minor degree that BM kept DH's last name (which is not common) so I decided to hyphenate when we got married. I wouldn't have changed it at all, but we had a destination wedding and I wanted to make sure the marriage was recognized (I was told it wouldn't be and that's not true.) Anyway...we now have children, and it doesn't matter at all that my children don't have the same last name as me. If I divorce DH, I would drop his name immediately, so I think it's BS that BM still kept it...she doesn't even work! To each their own... It is easier to not change it, but whatever.
Our BM kept her last name
Our BM kept her last name when she remarried so she has the same last name as her kid. I use my maiden name hyphenated with my late husbands name. Professionally I only use my maiden name.
I never use DH's last name unless it is dinner reservations. My mom kept my dad's last name after the divorce. Most women do so they are like their kids.
Get over this one.... it is just a name. Maybe someday I would take DH's name, but BM is using it and my SD so it is nothing special to me.
I don't understand women who
I don't understand women who keep their ex-husband's last name (unless their kids are very small and they want to have the same last name as them). When I got divorced, of all the men in my life to that date, I only wanted my daddy's last name so that's the name I took:-)
My mother kept my father's
My mother kept my father's name since I was young when they divorced. But then his wife didnt take his name. My half siblings did, so its very confusing. Plus everyone is a doctor or some other title. My wedding invitation was ridiculous.
My memere also kept her
My memere also kept her married name in the divorce. I couldn't understand why. He cheated and she hates his guts, she'd love to watch him die a slow death. But her adoptive parents were abusive to her her whole life and she'd rather keep his name then ever be associated with her parents name again. Other than that though I don't really understand why you would keep it. If you don't want to be his mrs anymore why do you still want to be called his mrs ? I don't know. I think it's weird.
It is a royal PITA to go
It is a royal PITA to go through a name change. I don't care who gets married how many times, I am keeping DHs name. I don't care if I end up hating him and my kids are grown. Just never going through it all again
>>>I would certainly not want
>>>I would certainly not want anyone thinking I'm related to that nutjob.<<<
In that same vein, I'm now VERY glad I didn't change my name when I married DH. I don't want the same last name as skids. Blech.
No, that's exactly what I'm
No, that's exactly what I'm saying. It's totally a pain in the ass to change your name the first time. Therefore, when I have up my maiden name and took DHs, it is for life. I don't care if we divorce and his new wife hates it. It's mine forever.
This. When I changed my name
This.
When I changed my name the first time around, I had no idea how much of a pain it would be until I did it. No need to do it again.
Eh, different strokes and
Eh, different strokes and all. Sometimes it's a factor of where we are in our lives. In my case, I'm not divorced, and DH doesn't care, so it's all good. My mother has been remarried for almost 25 years, but still has her first married name. Her husband doesn't care. It seems to be more and more of a nonissue these days.
I personally would not keep
I personally would not keep it. I don't understand why you would want to, but to each his own I guess. If you changed it once it's not too hard to change it again.
When DH and BM divorced he told her there was no way she was going to be walking around with his last name. She wanted to keep it because of the twins, but he told her that was his fathers name, and if she no longer wanted to be Mrs. DH then she was no longer going to be Mrs. DH. So she changed it back to her maiden name. It's obviously not too hard. You did it once you can do it again.
I don't have a problem with
I don't have a problem with it. Unless of course she is using for fraudulent purposes. My husband's ex has been married and divorced 3 times and uses the last names along with her maiden names (along with variations of her first and middle names) on and off whenever it suits her purposes. My husband took it to court post divorce, as it was a condition of his divorce decree,and she was ordered not to use his last name but I have no idea how that would ever be enforced.
I have a co-worker who was
I have a co-worker who was married to a Japanese man for less than two years, never had any kids, and continues to use his very Japanese/hard to spell and pronounce last name. They have been divorced for 10+ years now. I find that odd that she would want to keep his name, but whatever...
I admit I kept my exH's name
I admit I kept my exH's name after our divorce, initially, simply because it made him and his mistress very angry. It was childish of me. Maybe your OH's ex is being childish too. Once I stopped caring if my ex and his mistress cared, I reclaimed my maiden name.
When her last name provokes a discomfort reaction in you, she doesn't suffer. You do. Try to let it go.
ETA: I agree name changes are a PITA. Cost me nearly $700 to drop my exH's name 18 months after our divorce (would have been "free" at the time of divorce). When I married my now-DH, I did not change my last name. Never. Again.
Name changes are a PITA,
Name changes are a PITA, especially with going down to social security. I think most women with kids like to keep the same last name as their school age children. I know that when/if I am able to pull the trigger I would keep the same last name because of BS6.
BM kept his last name and DH was pissed off ( stupidly so) she is engaged and will marry when SS14 graduates in 4 more years. She is currently trying to get an annullment so she can get remarried in the catholic church. ( Dh is pissed off about that too) she says she can get one with or without his cooperation. I have decided to toss the paper work when it arrives so we can all avoid acrazy blow up. I am going to have to ask her if she is planning on keeping the same last name or take fiancee's. I am betting sincet he kids are grown she will take his.
Having changed my name when I
Having changed my name when I married DH and it being a HUGE pain in the ass, NOPE not changing it if we ever divorce. LOL. I am in my early 30s and I had A LOT of different areas I had to change it with and it was super annoying.
Technically, "Mrs." is a
Technically, "Mrs." is a title for a married woman, and "Ms."/"Miss" is a title for an unwed/divorced woman. At least that's what I was taught in elementary school.
BM hyphenated when she married DH, and has yet to drop the married last name. This past fall, DH corrected SD's teacher in an email where she had referred to DH and BM as "Mr. & Mrs. DH". He respectfully requested that BM be referred to as "Ms." because the two of them are no longer married and his wife is "Mrs. DH".
He respectfully requested
He respectfully requested that BM be referred to as "Ms." because the two of them are no longer married and his wife is "Mrs. DH".
^^^^ I like this!!!
BM kept DH's last name. It used to bother me alot but not anymore because as someone else said who's to say she wasn't married to one of the other brothers or cousins.
BM had been married with children prior to DH and always used her maiden name. When she was married to DH she always used her maiden name even though DH hated she didn't use his name but when they got divorced she wanted to keep DH's last name "because of the child". :?
I think this is a complete
I think this is a complete non-issue. What do you care if she keeps the name? You have the guy, after all. And if you're in a town small enough to know that there are two Mrs. Whatsits, they also know who the current Mrs. Whatsit is, right?
Actually, we aren't in a
Actually, we aren't in a small town. There are situations, such as the one I described above, where a person may not be aware of the status between a child's bio parents, for example. Besides, there can only be one Mrs. DH at a time. The title implies that the woman is married to the Mr. or has been widowed.
I kept both of my prior married names before DH because, like others have said, it is a pain to change the name, but I dropped the Mrs. for Ms. I guess for me it seems tacky to go around proclaiming to be Mrs. DH after a divorce, ESPECIALLY if the ex has moved on and found a new Mrs.
Well, I guess I think you
Well, I guess I think you don't have many real problems.
What an ignorant response.
What an ignorant response. And I guess you think nobody else should have opinions of their own.
I agree. It isn't her name
I agree. It isn't her name any more so stop using it.