I wouldn't ever putting stock in a BM ever changing her nasty attitude. Is it possible? Sure, but putting any stock in such a gift will only set you up for disappointment when it never happens, because you have absolutely no control over what anyone but yourself will do. If she's relaying messages to you through your SS, I would assume the worst is in store for you. She is obviously feeling bad about you being around her child more than she is, and she needs to make her proverbial "mark" on him, by slandering you.

The best thing to do? Ignore her and keep the nice relationship you have with your stepson going. When he relays nasty messages to you, my response would be "Well that's unfortunate she feels that way." and brush it off like it doesn't bother you. Bear in mind, it is totally acceptable to teach your stepson that such comments are inappropriate, which is why you do not do them back to her. Other than that, ignore her while she does it, and keep things good and strong with him when he's with you.

That's pretty much all you can do. And change your txt number, email...she should only be dealing with your BF anyway, not ever you. Protect yourself from her, and ignore whatever does get through.

Hope this helps!!

I doubt the BM's behavior will ever change. The only thing you can control is your own reaction to her baloney.

I fully agree with all Poly has said on this - with one slight change: I agree you should shrug off the comments your SS delivers to you, but I do think that your BF is the one who needs to sit him down alone and teach him that these kinds of statements from BM are not appropriate. Your BF should also tell him how proud he is of you, because you won't "rise to the bait" and do anything that might hurt your relationship with SS - that's how much you care for him.

Last but not least, your BF needs to address this with BM and let her know in no uncertain terms that THEIR son is NOT to be used as a messenger service in any way shape or form. If BM has a message, she needs to deliver it to him.

You absolutely without fail never receive a message from the BM. Not in writing, not on the phone, not verbally nor in writing hand carried by anyone.

You block her from your phone (ask your provider for help), email, from any social sites you're on such as Facebook and if she phones and you happen to answer you say "Hang on" and immediately give it to your husband. If he's not in you say you'll tell him to call back. If she asks to speak to her kid of course you give him the phone.

If the boys says "Mommy said" cut him off immediately. Explain to him that if Mommy wants you to know anything she'll talk to Daddy. Absolutely refuse to hear the message.

When I first implemented this I refused a message and my son said "You'll like this message" and I still refused. I told the boy that anything his mother said she needed to speak to me personally and said I was sorry he was stuck in the middle but his mother knew perfectly well how to send me messages. As soon as he got home his mother called with the message and it never happened again.

DO NOT engage with her in any shape or form. First you don't need to hear or care one whit what she has to say and by not receiving messages you convey that what she has to say isn't worth hearing.

exactly. She won't change, but do yourself the favor and block her/change your contact info because she should just contact your boyfriend.

I have no contact with my fiances xwife and it will stay that way unless its needed....which I don't see necessary. SS10 won't be left alone with me for days on end without my fiance so there is no reason. I don't really want to open that can of worms.

She won't change, and she sounds like a real bitch.

Don't even care what she says, she is jealous and a pitiful person. I know it's easier to say than to do....I have my own struggles with that.

Welcome, I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.

No, it will never end. Not until you destroy the toxic BM. The way to do that is to tolerate no crap from her and to bare her ass with the facts of her behaviors every time she so much as twitches in your direction.

She lost custody of her son. That is a good place to start to bare her ass and begin destroying her. Use every legal and financial tool possible to beat her in to submission. This is the strategy that worked for us in dealing with my SS's Sperm Idiot and the Sperm Clan.

We started our blended family adventure at a similar stage in SS's life as you did in your SS's life. My bride and I met when SS-21 was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo. We shredded the Sperm Clan financially, in court and socially in their community by barring their asses as far as their manipulations with SS, the Sperm Idiot's record of statutory rape of multiple girls and other arrest offenses, we collected SS with police escort form Sperm Clan church services, from family reunions and from public meals at restaurants when they failed to return him home from visitation on time. The facts of their behavior was our best tool in keeping them under control and protecting our son from their toxic manipulations.

We raised him to look at facts and make his own judgements regarding the character of people. He is now a self supporting viable adult who has put his put the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool far behind him.

This worked for us and should work well for you too.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.