Here's the situation: SO and I just moved into a new place together. BM doesn't have a car, so every time SD9 goes back and forth, SO picks her up and drops her off at her mother's. BM has not been to our new place.

Monday, SO will be back at work, and SD will not have school, so she will be with me at home all day. The switch is Mondays at 5:00 (normally occurs at SD's school). SO gave me the option: if BM doesn't have to work Monday and can get SD earlier, would I want BM to pick SD up from our house (using the bus)? (The alternative is SO gets home at 5:00 and brings SD to BM's house.)

Since I work from home and have stuff to do Monday, it'd be better for me if BM came and took SD off my hands. But I'm nervous about BM being at our house and would like to minimalize her time here. I like that my home is a space free of her, and I don't like her knowing much about our life because she's part of a gossip phone tree with other people we know (we don't share much info with them either, knowing it will get back to BM). Our house is very clean, but since we just moved in two months ago, things are not as decorated and unpacked as I'd like them to be, and (even though I can't imagine that her one-bedroom apartment is nicer than our place) I wished that if she ever had to see the inside of our house, it would look better than it does right now. Since I work from home and make a lot less money than SO, taking care of the home is a big part of my identity and how it looks matters to me.

Our house is three floors. When you walk in, you simply see a staircase and a hallway. I'd prefer that be the extent of BM's view. On the second floor you go through the living room, dining room, and kitchen to get to the next staircase. At the top of the stairs on the third floor, you have our bedroom to the left and SD's bedroom to the right.

BM and I knew each other for a while before SO and I got together and we can act civil around each other but we certainly are not friends "any more" (I'd say we were never really friends and she was just manipulative and loved attention). So I don't feel like I can go with the totally "cold" option of having her wait outside while I get SD. I'm okay with having her step inside while I call SD down, but my big fear is that SD will be all, "Mom, come see my new room!" and that I'll feel obligated to allow it (given that I used to know BM and I'll feel obligated to be polite, and that it feels weird to me to deny a mother the chance to see where he child lives 50% of the time). I also don't want to crush SD by telling her that her mother cannot see her room.

On the other hand, it is MY home, and I want it to be as much a BM-free space as possible. And we give SD a clean, safe environment, which BM doesn't need to "verify." If SD wants BM to see her room, we can text pictures of that space and that space only.

In my ideal version of this situation, I'd ask SO to get a general timeframe of BM's arrival. Then I'd like BM to text SO when she is 10 minutes out (which SO would then forward to me). I'd have SD collect her things and put them near the door, so that when BM rings the bell, I can call SD down and she can be all ready to go without needing to trek through the whole house. I'd have SO talk to SD the night before and explain how things will go and handle any "I want her to see my room" stuff himself (explaining why she won't be doing that, or offering to text pics or something).

Does that sound reasonable? Do you all have any advice on how to make this go smoothly and quickly while protecting my privacy? Thanks in advance.