I get you !!!

My father was a widow n he tried to push her on me. I finally said ~ it will happen but stop trying so hard. It's just that sometimes I would love to just had conversed with him alone. Needing advice or whatever.

My father passed away 5 years ago n there isn't a moment in time that I don't miss him. Take what you can get ~ n don't worry about the bullshit. Just love your pop like you want to n feel is right.

Sorry to be mushy ~ but what I would give to just have 10 minutes with my Dad ~ wow ~ thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for what you have. I am thankful for the man that is in my life ~ that loves me.

I'm blessed to have had the most amazing Dad ever. ~ miss my Pops

Might be the wine talking ~ but anyway I miss him.

After my mom passed away ~ my brother was lost ( since he was my moms bf ~ my mom was diagnosed with cancer n she had 3 to 6 months to live ) the kids never knew that.

After mom passed away ~ I told my Dad ~ my brother is gonna need you. Plz don't leave him in the wind. Dad would have breakfast with him every Sunday ~ I was 150 miles away. But I loved that Dad n he had breakfast every Sunday. They needed something that was just my Dad n him. I regret not being around w my Dad. But the memories I have ~ are like a slide show in my head.

Try something just you n him. Breakfast on Sunday morning ~ it's bit bring rude. It's time to make memories.

"I just feel like I don't have a dad anymore — I have a couple." Yes, you do. Hope you don't mind my asking, but why do you feel the need to see your Dad alone? What would you say to your Dad that you could not say to the two of them?

"Should I just get over myself and try to un-bond from my dad and re-bond to my couple-parent?" Yes - and here is why: It is obvious your Dad is in love with this woman, wanting to share every aspect of his life with her. You wrote about bonding - they have created a special bond with each other and are now one. You will still have a bond with your Dad which is different from the one they have - it will just take a while to appreciate the change in dynamics. You might not be comfortable with it at first but if you demonstrate to your Dad and SM that you respect their marriage you will be much better off in the long run. It is so good to hear you are happy to have gained a SM and I know you want to maintain a positive relationship with her. So my suggestion is to enjoy your Dad and his wife together for a while. If your SM is busy with something else, ask your Dad to meet you for lunch. That way it will not appear you are purposely excluding her.

Another thing, it is very important to be honest without making a big deal out of it. The speaker phone thing would bother me too. I would tell your Dad it makes you uncomfortable, you would rather have a nice conversation with his wife, then talk to him.

Personally I think what he is doing is rude. It's awkward to be on speaker and your emails should have been private. I have a step daughter and I encourage my DH to have time alone with her. I think it's really important that family members have one on one with each other if they desire it.

Most SM's issues here are with skids rudely excluding them. You don't sound like that type but you may want to tread carefully so as not to hurt feelings.

You may want to talk to your dad about this in a nice way. Let him know that you prefer not to be on the speaker phone. You might also request time alone with him. To avoid hurt feelings ask for one on one with stepmom sometimes too. You could just explain that one on one time is important to you. Another alternative is to meet you dad for an appetizer or drinks and then have SM meet up with you for dinner.

I don't think you're selfish. I'm sorry you were abused.

What he's doing is rude IMHO. Not sharing stuff with sm, but putting you on speaker, reading your emails to her and telling her about what has happened to you.

I think you need to filter what you tell him, and if he asks why you haven't been as talkative, tell him why.

I don't think you're selfish either. I don't like being put on speaker phone...this always happens when I call Mom and Dad. Hate it.
I also don't like the idea of anybody, other that the recipient, reading my emails even if I like the other people. I would find myself editing what I share.

Since you like them both...could you speak to them both about this...together? Is your SM a reasonable woman?
If this was happening with Husband and myself, and my SD brought up the subject of how uncomfortable it made her, I would encourage alone time between father and daughter. I would also stop Husband from reading me her emails. Unless the SD was bashing me privately to Husband...what's in her heart, that she is sharing with her Dad, is truly none of my business. I understand this concept because I am a private person. If I wanted to share my thoughts with someone...I would. The rest is between me and the person I am speaking/emailing to.

When you say you never experienced this when your mom was alive, do you mean it didn't bother you to talk with both your mom and dad together at the same time on the phone, or that your dad and you had special one on one conversations without your mother?

Either way, I think it may bother you as you had a special bond with your dad before your SM came along and feel it is in someway compromised now

I completely understand how you would feel this way and no I don't feel it is selfish to feel this way at all. Totally understandable

With that said, I think yes you are now dealing with a couple rather than just your dad. Not that your dad loves you any less of course, he just wants to share everything with this SO and that includes his DD too

Reading your post really hit a nerve with me. You sound so much like my YSD. We have a good relationship and she is accepting of me in her life and her father's life. We talk on the phone weekly (she lives out of town) and whether she calls us or DH calls her the moment he hears her voice boom, she's on speaker phone

I sense from her that she feels about me that exact why you describe your situation with your SM and dad. I've told my H that I really think YSD would like from time to time to just have a discussion with her father without her SM being part of every conversation and suggest from time to time he talk to her one on one and simply convey my love to her. My H immediately gets defensive and comments that I don't want to talk to his daughter. I've told him what I don't want to do is invade on her time/conversations with her dad. She and I can talk, and do, anytime we like.

Maybe your dad feels the way my DH does, that his daughter is accepting of his wife in their lives and knows we're 'a team' as he says it and that "she isn't like that" meaning she LOVES having me there for every conversation. He just doesn't get it. My dh is over the top proud YSD and wants me to be that way too, wants me to be a part of everything in her life

I understand your feelings sweetie. I guess your dad does this for what he feels are all the right reasons and I hope it helps somewhat to know that

The good news is you really like your SM so maybe try to think of it not a loss where your dad is concerned, but that you have gained one more person to care about you

What a lovely person you are, after reading so many stories about SD's from hell it was a real pleasure reading your question , I hope your SM realises how lucky she is, If I were you I would sit them both down and just be honest, tell them both that you really don't like being put on speaker, it just makes you feel uncomfortable, explain it's nothing personal and whoever answers the phone first that you will have a chat with them, as for everything else hun, sharing everything is what most people in relationships do so if you don't want your SM to know something just don't talk about it at all with your dad, good luck

For what it's worth, try to use the "golden rule" approach as you try to figure this out. Imagine it's five or ten years from now. After a lot of pain in your life, you've met the man of your dreams, your soulmate. You love him wholeheartedly as he loves you - you each complete one another in many remarkable ways. You joyfully marry, taking vows to essentially forsake all others. You hope your family and friends welcome him with open arms and appreciate all the wonderful things he brings to your life.

Then imagine the same scenario you've described above, only from your father's perspective:

I'm not calling a couple — I'm calling my daughter
I bite my tongue and just try to avoid calling her.
She adores him and wants to share everything in her life with him.
This bothers me so much that I've become much less communicative as a result.
I have absolutely nothing against my son-in-law and we get along very well.
I just feel like I don't have a daughter anymore — I have a couple.
I am so happy to have gained a son-in-law but I didn't expect to lose parts of my relationship with my daughter
I'm not saying anything to my daughter that I consider secret.
BUT
I discovered my son-in-law knows about my (alcoholism, bankruptcy, war wounds, etc.) something I consider very private.

What advice would you give yourself? How would you respond to your father? Does it seem like he is accepting and loving towards your husband? Would you be defensive of your husband? Are you getting mixed messages from your father? He says he likes your husband BUT he now wants to put a boundary on a part of your life with your spouse? Would you feel torn between the two of them? Would you put your spouse before your father? Do you think your father has a right to dictate terms about your relationship with your spouse?

Your honest answers to those questions will provide you the basis for why you feel the way you do. And maybe give perspective about how to deal, or not deal, with it.