BM moves back to area after 7 years
BM plans to move within 45 miles of us after moving out of state 7 years ago and I want to know if others would allow extra visits. DH has residential custody and she sees them a couple weeks in the summer and a week after Christmas. Whenever the kids return from visiting her, we deal with emotional outbursts and generally disruptive attitudes for days. They have told us before that she doesn't have any rules and they just do fun stuff while they are with her. No chores or homework, she doesn't take them to any of their extra curricular activities, etc. She really doesn't want to parent the kids, just have a good time with them. She has said her move nearby is temporary but we don't have any certain timeline. (She doesn't operate that way.) I know the kids will want to spend extra time with her but I don't know if it is in their best interests. What would you do?
Don't bother posting that I should stay out of it. I'm the one raising these kids the 49 weeks of the year that she isn't around.
So I'm torn on this one
So I'm torn on this one because I have been in a similar situation and I know very well what a pain in the ass it will be for you to have BM disrupting everything.
However, I do think it is best to let the kids see her while they can. No matter how awesome you are, there is a part of them that longs for her. If you keep them away they will resent you. Hopefully, it really will be temporary.
All she has to do is go to
All she has to do is go to court and request more time. Unless she's abusing the kids, keeping them away is wrong.
A NCP wanting more time with his/her kids is a good thing.
it is not always a "good
it is not always a "good thing" for a NCP to have more time with kids. Giving birth doesn't make someone a good parent.
The CO only allows for the
The CO only allows for the couple of weeks a year. That was only defined recently as she moved away without setting up any visitation. I think you're right about letting them go a few times and documenting what happens so if she does decide to take us back to court (again!), we can show why we kept it limited. I can already foresee their outbursts when she moves away again and they feel abandoned all over again. That is what I'm trying to protect them from. It isn't good for them for her to be so unstable but of course she thinks we only say that because we are controlling. On one hand, I know when it happens, they are reminded of who she really is but the other hand, I just want them to be protected from it.
I imagine in the court order
I imagine in the court order there are guidelines on moving to and changing the visitation schedule. If she wants to schedule to change then she will need to go to court over it- its not something DH should just do because she is around. Especially if she is just going to go away again. I say leave it to the courts.
^^This if she wants it she
^^This if she wants it she can legally request it I wouldn't change it just because she is closer with out it in legal writing as once you give a inch she will want a mile.
It's a hard line to define
It's a hard line to define though. If we give her a little and keep her happy, we stay out of court which saves us money and prevents her from getting granted more than we want to give...