"Friends" who don't understand crap!
I am just so fed up with “friends” making comments to me when they know nothing about my life! None of them are stepparents and none of them planned their kids (DH and I are trying to conceive)! I feel like I have no one to talk to (outside of ST, of course) and it’s making me really upset.
This morning, I text one of my friends because I have been taking ovulation tests and according to that, I ovulated 3 weeks ago. Based on that, I should have gotten my period 1 week ago but I still haven’t gotten it and preg test is negative. Her response was to not stress, and people always get preg when they’re not trying- Yeah, coming from the one who has 3 unplanned kids.
Another one of my friends who I previously told we are TTC has the same response- don’t stress, it will happen when you least expect it. Like STFU, you have 2 unplanned kids! They both know nothing about trying for a baby!
They always make stupid comments about SD too, like my DH should get full custody and I’m so lucky to have a girl, etc.
I feel like I’m on the verge of losing my sanity!!
That's great advice. I know I
That's great advice. I know I probably am asking for it by bringing things up to them, but they definitely don't realize how hurtful their words are.
Last Easter, we were at DH's parent's house and they started talking about me getting preg and DH's mom said "I bet she'll be one and done because she already has SD" umm no.. I have no kids. I do take care of SD but she can't possibly replace having my own flesh and blood bio child.
She has also made a comment about wanting our baby to be a boy because we already have a girl. Um yeah.. I want a girl who looks like ME, not my husband's freakin ex girlfriend! Wtf!!
I am just sick of the stupid freakin comments!!
Idk .. I understand your
Idk .. I understand your frustration, but it doesn't sound like your friends are trying to be rude or inconsiderate. They DON'T know what you're going through and are just trying to soothe your worries.
It's like when someone close to you dies and all your friends say, "they're in a better place now" or "this is God's plan" or "time will heal your pain" .. none of that actually helps while in the throws of grief .. but it's the best way they know how to be supportive.
If it upsets you, stop confiding the details to them. Or be very clear to them about how their words make you feel so they can understand. If they're really friends, they'll listen to you.
Oh no, I know they aren't
Oh no, I know they aren't doing it on purpose & I think that's why it's even more irritating! That's how they really, truly feel lol!
Good comparison. I think I just need to stop telling them things. It just sucks because I have no one to talk to and when I try to tell them things, they make stupid comments.
Have you told them how you
Have you told them how you feel about their comments? If you don't tell them what they say is hurtful, they may have no idea.
It's hard for them to understand what you're going through because they've never done it .. so either they're legit nasty people who make stupid careless comments, or they just don't know better.
I think they just don't know
I think they just don't know any better because they have never been in my position.
I haven't really told them how their comments make me feel, but at Easter dinner when MIL said something about me not needing a girl because I have SD, I did say "it's not the same" and everyone got all bent out of shape about me saying a skid isn't the same as a bio.
To us, it's common sense but to them it's like WHAT! What do you MEAN you don't love someone else's kid as much as you love your own?! Idiots.
Yeah, those comments I get.
Yeah, those comments I get. It's definitely not the same, and it's kind of insensitive to assume things about others' situations.
Part of the issue is revealing the truth for what it is .. we're not all Brady Bunch families .. we have issues and psycho ex's and sometimes it just sucks.
Oh, I get it completely.
Oh, I get it completely. After my miscarriage I had a friend tell me too " cheer up, at least you can get pregnant". People are thoughtless, especially when they are faced with something they haven't experianced. As far as the pregnancy texts go, I have a girlfriend who will get a positive within a week ( on both her kids she knew before her missed period) and have another friend who won't get a positive until a week after her period, reguardless of the brand of test. Also make sure you take the test first thing in the am
Wow, that is one of the most
:jawdrop:
Wow, that is one of the most horrible things I have heard! Smh!
I can totally hear MIL or SIL say "well at least you have SD" if we had any issues. They always make comments incinuating that SD is enough. Alas, they are not stepmothers.
No sue, she got preggo within
No sue, she got preggo within two weeks of trying and had a healthy full term pregnancy. She's just that kind of friend, I love her to death but she is tactless and has a hard time seeing it from other people's side.
I think I'm going to try a
I think I'm going to try a FRER. The tests I used were part of a package I ordered online (combo ovulation tests and preg tests) so I am not sure how good/accurate they are.
Or it could just be that my cycle isn't back to normal yet since coming off the pill. Not quite sure what to think at this point.
I completely understand how
I completely understand how you feel. However, I don't think your friends are being insensitive with telling you not to stress. I think they can't relate and probably don't know what else to say. The comments about your skid being yours is totally inappropriate.
It took me sometime to conceive. I'm 5 months pregnant now with a boy. I'm about to lose it on the next person who tells me I'll have two boys. Even when I make a point to say I have a SS and will have my own son, they still don't get it. I've been raising my SS for years now, but there's no way I will ever love him the way I love my son who is growing inside of me right now.
I know it's frustrating and hard, I've been in the TTC phase. When I stopped beating myself up and stressing about getting pregnant, it finally happened. Good luck.
I recommend www.babycenter.com as a supportive source for a TTC forum.