23 yrs old and in a relationship that involves 8 stepchildren and 2 together
I am in a relationship with someone who has 8 kids with bm and 2 with me. Bm and him text and talk almost every day about kids and money, I'm not sure if this is normal but I'm not find of it. I haven't been but I do understand they have kids together. He doesn't talk to his other bm's though so just because he's known her since they were 14 he still talks to her? She asks for rides grocery shopping and to drs for the kids...and we are using my car. She doesn't have a license, her and my boyfriend are 37. I know my parents, who were separated, didn't talk like this or as often. He has told me she wanted him back before I got with him, but sd told me her mom would only take him back to cheat on him like he did her. She shouldn't know things like this, but she does unfortunately. Bm is very nice to me and texts or calls me if there is something important, which I do like. I just don't know if it's me being jealous and immature by not wanting them to be texting or talking so much or if it's normal.. Anyone have any input on this situation that could help make me feel better...or let me know if I should be feeling this way???
I see that everyone on here
I see that everyone on here is trashtalking your boyfriend. I don't blame them. Really??? At 23 you want to care for 8 stepkids that don't belong to you? Why would you even think of having one child with this man little less 2 kids. Hes old enough to be your father never mind. You should be out partying at your age. Do those kids even care for you? Also a cheater will always be a cheater. If hes not cheating you it can only be because hes old and he feels great for having a nice young girlfriend to show off to his friends and that's it. I wouldn't be too concerned about the talks with the ex as long as its in the open but don't go letting her take advantage and use your vehicle please. You will regret it eventually. Your gonna grow old too fast look back and think, what the fuck was I doing? Youll be in your 30's pulling out your hair in the stress that youll have once those stepkids reach puberty if they haven't already.
I already know that if I had
I already know that if I had waited to get to know the situation a little better Things would be different but I do have two children with him now and I'm going to do everything in my power to make things work. I didn't really think about "hey. He has 8 kids by 4 different women, apparently something's wrong." So I got myself into what may sound like a bad situation , but he says he too old for games and needed to settle down. I really didn't know how hard it is to be a sm and as a sm i don't have any input on anything.
Snorty. You "didn't really
Snorty.
You "didn't really think about about" they fact he had 8 kids with 4 women?!?
And now he has TEN kids with FIVE women?!?
LOL, you don't want my advice.
I'll just say this...a man with ten kids and five baby mamas who can't even afford a car is EXACTLY what every self-respecting woman needs.
He has 5 kids by bm near us
He has 5 kids by bm near us in NY. 1 sd16 by bm in Florida he has nothing to do with I guess that was the agreement, 1 ss6 who's in Florida, 1 ss10 who's in Mass. The only other one I've seen is ss10 from Mass. So really I'm only seeing about 2 or 3 of his kids once in a while. I know I would go crazy if it was all 8skids.
My boyfriend and I have been
My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years now. I am a certified nurses assistant and home health aid, that's as far as I got with schooling. Ss19 lives with us and sd14 comes over to visit/stay as often as she can. I try to just give her good advice when we talk, but as far as teaching or discipline it's up to their father. I am not going to school now, I'm pretty much a stay at home mom to our ds11months and 5 months pregnant with complications.
Run for the hills - take your
Run for the hills - take your car with you!
I have a feeling you are
I have a feeling you are going to be hurt through out this. I don't believe that he is just taking BM on grocery trips. I know you have 2 children with him but if I were you I would take those kids and your car and run. 23 you are so young and you deserve a happy life and 8 step kids...oh my. I cant even handle the two I have and I am 36. I get the part of wanting to stay for your kids, I really do, so not trying to come across as judgmental or anything, I just think you deserve much better then what your getting here. I would not stand for one minute letting him drive her places in YOUR car or even if it was his car. She should get someone else to take her, he is your man not hers. I don't know, I agree, I don't know where you stand financially but I wouldn't stay if I were you. Its hard enough dealing with 2 skids and one BM, I cant imagine 8 skids and 4 BMs!
We always went together as
We always went together as far as I know when she needed to go somewhere, recently I started to put my foot down and not allow her to be in my car. My boyfriend recently bought ss19 a truck so I told my bf if she needs to go anywhere he is to bring her it's his mother. I thought I was right in saying this, but i wondered her being his kids bm, if it was really a nice thing to do. She has her own bf, who lives with her in section 8 and is not supposed to..I guess he's just there to take up space and can't pay for anything or help fix anything or bring the kids anywhere. Bm's bf and I are the only ones with cars so I get stuck with errands that involve driving anywhere, because for some reason he can't be bothered by them. It just bugs me because out of the 4 other bm's she's the only one he talks to, why not talk to the rest of them and ask about your other kids if it's so important to do with her...that's just how I see it. My mom and dad always talked through me for the most part, and they definitely never went anywhere together or texted that wouldn't have gone down well with my step dad or step mom. I don't know if saying I want the communication to only be between the kids and them only is the right thing to do. I'm just new to this whole situation and confused.
Why would your BF buy his son
Why would your BF buy his son a truck when your BF doesn't even have a vehicle?
Shit... and i thought i had a
Shit... and i thought i had a ball game with 4 step kids at 29. My partner spends a good whack of time on the phone to their BM, but nothing is privte.. so i hear everything, and it's all done in the open. If it's the same for you, and everything is done above board then i guess it's normal... well... for us...
I dunno about him using your car for the ex mrs though... irrespective of having kids together, it's just not the done thing. Relationships end for a reason, ya know, and them having private time... in your car... ehm.. well lets just say it doesn't sit well... Something about old sparks re-ignighting... and leopards not changing spots... anyways..
I completely agree with taushalove... get yourself an education or training or anything that can set you up to be independant... brace yourself.
A few questions- 1. what is
A few questions-
1. what is section 8? I'm not in the US, so I'm not sure- but is it welfare specific housing?
2. You say, **I didn't really think about "hey. He has 8 kids by 4 different women, apparently something's wrong." ** why the hell not?
I'm sorry if is sound judgmental, but honey, c'mon now... 4 women, 8 children??? condom anyone??
I have one batsh!t BM and one SD... I gave this a TON of thought.
I don't think you want my
I don't think you want my thoughts on this. But (((HUGS))) your going to need it.
He was a guy my dad knew, we
He was a guy my dad knew, we got really close before I knew a whole lot about him, I fell in love with him very fast. He was so kind and caring and he made me feel amazing. No, nothing is wrong with me, He was in some hard times and I have a heart that's too big sometimes and I felt bad so I tried to help him out. He does have a work van , just not a recreational vehicle. My dad passed away 3 months after me and my bf found out I was pregnant with his first grandchild, which happened very quickly. My dad was killed in his house over drugs the same night I was supposed to visit him, I couldn't because it was getting too late and my bf and I had a hour drive home. I felt more attached to my bf after this happened, he was now the only man in my life and he had known my father. I own a family painting business and my bf works for me, we make more than enough money to be comfortable, so money really isn't even a problem for the skids or our own. He does handle the money though and I have to ask if I need to go grocery shopping or anything. I'm more into spending money on my ds than myself anymore, so I'm not too bothered by the money situation.
Section 8 is funded housing for people that need help with rent. Bm is supposed to live their by herself with the kids, but her bf lives there too. When my bf moved up 4 years ago from Florida he stayed with bm and she ended up telling the police he was there and they kicked him out. Luckily he had a job within the week he was there. Now it's okay for her bf to be there though.
Now since we have 2 babies together it's just hard for me to imagine taking them away from him, or being a single mom...of TWO! It would be so hard I don't even want to think about it..one baby I would have been able to think about it.
How do you "get really close"
How do you "get really close" without "knowing a whole lot about him?"
Isn't getting to know someone what CAUSES you to get really close??
Or are you saying you got lusty with him right away because he's the sexiest beast you'd ever seen, and decided AFTER you were intimate, and likely pregnant, to start getting to know him??
You're 23 with two kids. You will have a difficult like without this bozo and his cheating ways and harem of women and children. Are you a sister wife?
Yes that's exactly true. He
Yes that's exactly true. He is so handsome and I couldn't help myself...on the other hand we did not use protection and a I got pregnant within the first week of seeing him. Since I was very attracted to him and I thought he was nice and being pregnant I figured I needed to stay with him. No I'm not a sister wife. Lol. I wouldn't be able to willingly share him.
OMFG. You were knocked up
OMFG. You were knocked up with his kid within the first WEEK of seeing him. Don't you feel...slutty?!?
Time for you to get some serious respect for yourself. Your apparent lack of self esteem is what led you to link up with this moron.
And now you've given him kid #9 and 10. Hope you are finally on some SERIOUS birth control.
BTW, who supports all these kids?
No, I don't feel slutty at
No, I don't feel slutty at all. Now if I was to say I have slept with a different man every night I would feel slutty. I don't believe the fact I got pregnant, as fast as it was, and having my ds who means the world to me makes me slutty. After I have this baby I am definitely going on birth control. He is able to support all of his kids money wise. I use my car or ss19 uses his, since my bf only has a work van it only has two seats, if the kids needs to go anywhere. He pays for my car + ins. and he gives me gas money when he asks if I can bring skids anywhere.
Thank you everyone who has
Thank you everyone who has given their opinion, it really gives me something to think about. In the end I know I have to do what's best for my children and not anyone else.
I hope I personally didn't
I hope I personally didn't offend you. I know some people on this forum can be quite rude. I'm In a pretty complex situation myself at 33 and I've been pretty judged by my decisions. I know you've done all you've done because you love this person and that's ok even if I think he's too old for you. Sometimes the best of us carry the most baggage. LOL. I know I feel like I do but even if you don't get respect from his ex's then nevermind or even if your stepkids end up not appreciating you. What matters is I'm sure you have 2 wonderful children of your own that you love. Good luck and I hope you were truly able to make this man settle down. If you did then you are a special woman and that's what he needed to be happy with someone.
Not to be rude, but, you and
Not to be rude, but, you and the rest of your BF's BMs need to see if you can get a group discount and have your tubes tied. Better yet, drop your BF off at the vet to get neutered and save a bunch more kids from being born to such a ridiculous idiot.
Wow! :jawdrop:
What I suggest you do is file for custody of your 2 children immediately and nail your BF to the wall for as much CS as possible then get you and your children as far away from him as possible. This is the only chance your children will have to minimize the impact of the shallow and toxic end of their gene pool provided by their spermdonor.
If you stay with this guy then you are failing to protect your children.
As for owning the family business and your BF works for you .... time to fire him. If he can't make better decisions in his personal life (10 kids by 5 baby mamas) he can't possibly make good decisions for your business. Also, please explain how he works for you but he controls the money in your household.
My own wife had my SS when she was 16. The SpermIdiot was 23. She at least had the sense to get rid of that idiot quickly. He went on to spawn 3 more children with 2 more baby mamas.
My wife went on to finish HS with honors with her class, a BS with honors, an MBA with honors and is now a CPA. If she could get past her idiot spermdonor and set a good example for her son you can do the same for your children but you can't do it if you stay with what I can only describe as an idiot with a penis.
Just wow!
IMHO of course.
Yikes!
Yikes!
If you stay with him you'll
If you stay with him you'll never have anything and your kids won't either. You're young enough to take your two kids and get some financial assistance and aid to help you towards a life for you and those kids. He is never gonna be able to give you anything but grief and heart ache. It is not normal for a man to be texting any ex all the time. If he has cheated before he is still doing it. He is a lie, a cheat, and a failure that will never amount to a damn thing. Do you want you and your children to be used and dragged down that road? If a man truly loved a woman, he'd have his shit together for her. He is just using you.
I just read your father passed away, I'm sorry for that. However, it's going to be more painful when your bf swindles everything your dad worked for away. Get rid of him now and go to labor finders and find you some help. I wouldn't give him any access to any money or any passwords to accounts. I'd be Damned if my husband much less a bf would handle my funds to help aid another bitch and their brats together, fuck that! As far as the BM calling you, fuck that too. That is a set up waiting to happen. Don't let some bitch keep her enemy close because that's exactly what you are to a BM. Really, your the other woman. Call a lawyer and get some financial advice, I hope he can't claim common law and try to take half of what you have. Please have someone with a law degree behind their name help you becaus you don't have the smarts to help yourself or your kids.
Your kids will become a product of their environment !