I think it's best to avoid forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do when you can. Being fake is never fun for anyone. Your SD had a motive in asking you to be in the pictures. It's hard to determine what that motive is but it will surface in time.

This SD doesn't like you and you don't like her. Why pretend differently? Take your BS and get that coffee so you don't fall asleep during the reception and toasts gushing about what a "great" person SD is.

Well my first reaction would be to say if you don't want to be in the photos don't be. BUT, she has invited you and your son, she has asked you both stay to be in the family photos. On the surface, and more importantly what your dh will see if you refuse is, she did the right thing, she extended the olive branch and YOU WOULD NOT ACCEPT, YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING PROBLEMS between him and his daughter. Trust me on that one.

Ok I understand that based on your experiences to date that she does probably just want some money for next thing. At the moment though, it appears to be a sign of acknowledgement and better than the normal nasty stuff that happens. We are all often put in this sort of dilemma. Personally, and we are all different, I would talk to DH and say that you want to do the right thing by him and acknowledge that being asked to be in the family photos appears to be a sign of respect. Ask what he wants. What is nice is you and your son will be by his side on an occasion that matters to him and that is always a good thing. There are a couple of times that I have let my frustration with the way I was treated bubble to the surface and impact on DH's enjoyment of a significant event with his daughter and I feel so bad about it now. not guilty just silly that I did not see the big picture and realise the impact on me was small in the bigger picture.

In the end of the day, there are only a few of these "events" that can be used and lets face it SDs will use them. Your DH will love you so much for being there for him. The key is communication that it is tough on you so he has your back.

You have to do what is right for you, and if not being in the pictures is what is right for you, then so be it. But, I do agree with other posters above, you will look like the bad guy to your DH. For him it will be that SD tried to include you and make you feel a part of her special day and you snubbed her, you're the big bad evil SM. I would go along to get along on this one.

Recently, I refused an invitation to my SGrand's first bday because I knew she only invited me to make herself look like the bigger person. I have been excluded from everything involving this child for a solid year. It was a win/win for her: she gets credit for the invite and if I did show up, she gets to treat me like sh*t and keep sgkid away from me. I've played her game for a lot of years so yes, I do know her intentions. Too many times I gave her the benefit of the doubt and treated her like a normal person, thinking her invites and gestures were an attempt to reach out to me. They were not.

The key to what to do is history. Whatever she's done in the past, she'll do again. Also, it's important to talk with your DH so he's clear on why you're doing what you're doing if you decide to bow out. I was crystal clear with my DH why I wasn't attending the party. For me, it was an important step in disengaging.

If you don't want to take part in the pictures just say, "Sorry, I feel ill. Have to run."

If you go I don't think you have to act phony. Consider focusing on the opportunity to get some professional photos with bs and DH.

Ditching the photos would probably be worse than not going altogether. Better not to go at all IMO.

Could be that sd is extending the olive branch because she is caught up in the euphoria of a new life.

I wouldn't go. She had never let you form a relationship with her. She treats you like crap!

I can say that I wont be attending my SD's wedding that I disengaged from. She is due with a baby in January and I also wont be attending that. I am not going to her baby showers or anything. The only reason she would want me there is to get the gift. Both DH and I know that while we are not on speaking terms, about a week before her birthday rolls around or Christmas she will be contacting us trying to get us back in her life just so she can get the gift. we are not falling for that anymore. Because after the holidays she will snap on us again and its right back to where we spent the last 4 years. We are officially done.

At least you made it through it and now it's over! Hallelujah!