Adult step kids
At this point in my life I am depressed and angry that I am having problems with one of my sd's. My dh and I have been married for 14 years. We have sd30, sd 29, bs27, bd24. All are moved out. All are self supporting. All have children of their own - grade school to babies.
You would think that is great and in many ways it is. I have good relationships with sd29 and both of my bios. We have adult relationships that are interesting and respectful. I could not ask for more.
Sd30 is another story. She has pretended to like me since the beginning but has bad mouthed me behind my back since the Forster date between dh and myself. For years my dh insisted that she loved me like a mother and that I was being paranoid. He kept wanting me to try harder with her since she is a very reserved person. Finally, last year sd29 confronted him and told him that sd30 has always hated me. Dh was stunned but I was relieved. Honesty is much better. I quit trying with sd30 but continue to be as kind and respectful to her when I see her - which is seldom.
The problem now is with her kids. She mad that we don't care about her kids, don't spend as much time or money on her kids, or don't put as much effort into her kids as the other grand kids. She is telling other relatives that her kids are always getting short changed by dh and myself. None of it is true and the opposte is true. We have done more for her kids than any of the others. I fear what her kids think when she tells the we love the other grandkids more. To make matters worse, sd30 has never supported to rules at our home and she lets her kids jump on the couch, destroy toys, make a mess and not pick up. When I told her that her child used a magic marker on the Tv she complained to a relative that I don't spend enough time with her kids when they visit.
My dh does not want to say anything to her sine it will be obvious that sd29 told us and he does not want to betray her to her sister - they have always been close. He also feels that she will never change her mind since she already believes her own perception of reality.
I am fed up. Any ideas on how to approach this?
As a suggestion, you may want
As a suggestion, you may want to re-post this in the "Adult Stepkids" section - you'll get better responses from people who are in the same boat with adult skids.
As far as your SD30 goes, the first thing you need to do is stop worrying about what she says or what she thinks. It's irrelevant. For someone who "hates" you, why is she so concerned about her kids spending time with you? She's simply exploiting the situation to try and make herself into a martyr, and make you look bad. Screw her.
Unfortunately, this is a situation over which you have very little control. SD's kids are her kids - so there is nothing you can do to force a better situation. If a parent "hates" someone, then it is doubtful they will come around frequently with their minor children.
I am hopeful your DH is supportive of you and won't fall prey to SD's tactics - like going to see them all without you.
Thanks.
Thanks.
I am new to posting so how do
I am new to posting so how do I move this to the adult sk forum?