Facebook conundrum
Hi there,
I'm new here, so am really after some advice. A few years ago I became involved with a married man. I'm not proud of that, but we fell in love. It came to a point where it ended, and my partner decided to try and salvage his marriage for his daughter's sake. 5 months later I heard from him and he left home. We have now been together for 8 months, but his daughter isn't talking to him, and all he receives is the odd cranky email from his ex.
His daughter understandable 'hates' me, as does she, and they see me as the reason he left. My partner received an email yesterday saying that they're daughter had been looking at my Facebook account and was ever so upset to see a picture of me and my partner together. His ex has asked me to remove it and accussed me of being insensitive.
I don't really mind removing the image, but there's an issue of her control. Months ago, she was calling my partner every night and throughout the day, becoming very controlling. I don't want to me at her beck and call everytime i do something she may not like! But at the same time, I hope for a civil relationship with his daughter one day. However I don't want to be at her beck and call either, frightened of stepping out of line.
I've tried blocking her on facebook, but she works her way around the system.
What would you do?
Aimee
Not the first affair and
Not the first affair and certainly not the last I'm afraid. I'm happy to deal with the circumstances. I'm just trying to find advice on what is best. I didn't force him to leave. He did that all on his own.
My facebook profile is private, but everyone can still see a profile picture.
Some sensible advice appreciated.
You were already told to use
You were already told to use a profile picture that wouldn't inflame them. What more can we tell you?
Block them, then they can't
Block them, then they can't search you or see your profile pic.
Why would you want to be with
Why would you want to be with a cheater? He did it to her - he will do it to you.
Ok, first off - welcome
Ok, first off - welcome aboard. And I'm warning you now, you may get responses you won't like. Sorry, but when affairs happen and then you complain about having issues with the ex wife and kids, it's hard to really take pity on you.
Secondly, you can set your FB settings to the ultimate highest privacy setting and block both the daughter and the ex. Cover pics and profile pics are public, so anyone can see those, which is likely where your issues lie.
If you want to keep the peace with them both, you can change both pics to something neutral that they won't have an issue with. Me? I'd say fuck them and do as I please. But, I'm a bitch that way.
Be prepared for a long haul of dealing with these two. You DID break up their family and they'll always see you as the enemy, no matter how sweet you are.
My biggest question to pose to you would be this: Is he really worth the headaches and hassle these women (you didn't mention the daughter's age so I'm not sure if she's grown or not) will rain upon you? It won't go away anytime soon and if anything, it'll get MUCH worse.
If you answer yes to that question, then your boyfriend needs to set some serious boundaries with them both. He needs to back you 100% and be sure they both know that he's with you now and while his daughter may hate you, she needs to treat you with respect.
Good luck. Honey, you're gonna need it!
^^^I totally agree with Echo,
^^^I totally agree with Echo, as I usually do
And this line especially: If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you
^^^Perfect response Echo.
^^^Perfect response Echo.
Agree with Echo and RedWingsFan, if he did it with you he will do it to you. I know from personal experience between friends in your position and my cheating ex call me to have sex with him while he was with the girl he cheated on me with. Yeah not going to happen.
Also I liked this man a lot, we had a great time and I thought he really liked me. One day I just got a hinky feeling and before we did anything more than flirt I asked him what his wife would say about us going out and he said he wouldn't tell her. That ended it for me. I quit flirting with him completely and put him in the friend zone. He could cheat with someone else. I had more integrity than that and I respected myself more than that.
Echo, you're right on, as
Echo, you're right on, as usual!
girl crush
girl crush
Why do people think they can
Why do people think they can help destroy a family then ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after?
Break up a family and the karma bus comes speeding your way.
Cheaters deserve whatever hell comes their way.
LOL StepAside! LeAnn Rhimes
LOL StepAside! LeAnn Rhimes indeed!
Yep! And add to that the fact
Yep! And add to that the fact that LeAnn is proud of who she is and is concerned with people not liking what she posts on twitter. That's what she's concerned about after all the lives she's helped screw up.
I'm not going to give you a
I'm not going to give you a lecture on what you should have done in the past as there is no way to change the past. I personally was way too self centered to ever date a married man. It's not that I cared so much about some other woman's family I cared about ME not being something on the side.
But what to do now. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Never let another woman tell you what to do in your relationship. The ex wife - she is the ex by now I hope - is his problem.
If she is not yet the ex then for your sake you should not post a picture of yourself with a man who is still married.
Forget about future relationship with the daughter. That is just not going to happen any time soon probably never.
So basically, you cheated
So basically, you cheated with a married man. Hester prynne doesnt like the public shame and red A. Imagine that?! You reap what you sow. In the 1950's the mistress was a common occurrence, but they had the intelligence not to put posters of themselves around town!
I don't think you're a
I don't think you're a horrible person. That said, I cannot offer you any sympathy. My sympathy goes out, rather, to his ex and daughter.
Your bf does need to make sure his daughter is civil to you. And get her counseling. That's the least he owes her after what he's done to her.
But you know that old saying about karma? It applies here. And I don't think karma is done with either you or your bf yet.
My advice is to get thicker
My advice is to get thicker skin. With all the other issues surrounding this situation, Facebook would be my last concern.
I'll just assume you're
I'll just assume you're crewing us and go about my day.
Cheating isn't something I
Cheating isn't something I believe in or condone, however I do believe that in relationships and marriages things are over long before they are legally over. Guilt, finances, children, obligations, threats, fear, loneliness, vows... You name it...keeps marriages limping along before the towel is thrown in. Sometimes the husband or wife knows it and it takes meeting someone before its's officially over. But some partners use that as the sole reason their marriage ended, which also isnt fair. We don't know the whole story here, so I won't judge. I would lay off the whole FB thing and change my profile picture out of empathy. I would make sure you are on the same page as your partner because if he is afraid of his wife, lets his child disrespect you, or can't stand up for you- trust me, it will be hell for you. Get used to keeping the peace for the sake of his ex and daughter.