Shitty parenting = bad eating habits in kids. Vent about last night's dinner.
I just need to vent about something that happened last night! I made breakfast (sausage, bacon, eggs, and fried potatoes) for dinner. SD5 normally eats dinner at MIL’s house because she is there during the day until about 6pm when DH gets off work and picks her up. Well yesterday I don’t know if she didn’t eat there or was still hungry or whatever, but DH said she is going to eat some of the dinner with us, which is totally fine.
I made my plate, DH’s plate, and a plate for SD. Now I know SD likes eggs, bacon, and sausage but she has never had fried potatoes and thanks to DH and MIL, is extremely weird about trying new things but I put a few potatoes on her plate so that she could try them. So I set their plates down, go to the kitchen to get mine, come back and the potatoes are gone from her plate. I know she didn’t eat them that fast so I ask DH what happened to the potatoes.
Wellllllll he took the potatoes off her plate because he “didn’t think she would eat them” and “didn’t want to cause a confrontation” (between SD and I about her not trying the food I put on her plate). OMG. I wanted to hop over the table and smack him! The nerve of him to undermine me like that and to do it right in front of SD! I mean it’s a freakin POTATO! I could see if it was a buffalo chicken wing but a POTATO?? I tell DH all the time there is no reason at 5 years old she shouldn’t be eating what we eat. She eats like a freakin 2 year old and she’s about to start school SMH. WTF???
Let DH make her plates and
Let DH make her plates and deal with what she will or won't eat. If he's not going to respect your authority and continue to undermine you then don't give him that opportunity.
Make your own plate. Let him make plates for himself and the kid.
Meals/eating/dinnertime presents a bunch of issues that we see here on Steptalk often. It's probably one of the easiest stressors to avoid because "disengaging" from the dinner table antics is very simple.
That's very true. I don't
That's very true. I don't know why I even bother. I buy her apples, he gives her chips. I buy her juice, he gives her chocolate milk. It's a lost cause. I guess I just keep trying because we plan on having our own child eventually and I don't want him to be this way. I want my kid to sit down at the table and eat what we eat. I don't want to make separate meals and have the kid picking at the food and all the dumb shit SD does. When I was a kid, my brother and I sat at the table with my parents and we ate what they ate. What was for dinner is what was for dinner. DH was raised the same way he is raising SD- always afraid to try new foods and basically eats what he wants. When we got together, I was pretty appalled at the way he ate and I gradually introduced him to new foods (this is a 30 year old man)- it's just so much easier if it happens normally as a child. But you're right- what SD eats is not my issue!
I completely understand and
I completely understand and agree with you. I had this issue to a lesser degree with DH when we first moved in together and skids would come over. He always wanted snacks on hand to give them when they got hungry before/after dinner. We all know what happens when skids aren't forced to sit down and eat a meal when they know snacks are available in an hour ..
So I stopped buying them. I bought fruit, snackable veggies, yogurt, etc. No more chips, crackers, cookies, etc. DH and I don't eat the junk anyway, so why buy it specifically for skids?
I cook ONE meal for dinner. They eat it or they don't. DH tried for a little while to make them other foods if they didn't like what I cooked, but he quickly realized how much of a hassle it is. Kids eat what I make for dinner, or they don't eat. No snacks, no desserts, no nothing.
Put this responsibility squarely on DH's shoulders. Don't ever let him put you in a position to undermine your authority .. that will have much bigger consequences in the future.
^^^This exactly. When DH and
^^^This exactly.
When DH and I moved in together and stepdevil14 was coming over for a week every other week, I was in the middle of trying to lose weight so I was eating small portions of very healthy foods. DH and SD both ate like piggies. I mean, 2nd helpings of everything, dessert, soda, the whole 9 yards. That was fine with me. I watched them eat fried chicken and mashed potatoes from KFC while I had my bowl of Special K with bananas and almond milk and thought "Well, as I'm getting thinner, they're getting fatter, so be it".
DH and I are now both eating very healthy portion controlled meals and are steadily dropping weight. SD moved back in with her mom late last year and when I saw her at her awards ceremony, she'd put on at least another 20lbs or so.
I had disengaged from them both when it came to mealtimes. I made what I wanted, they had what they wanted. Period. No stress or worry on me!
Omg.. my SD says she doesn't
Omg.. my SD says she doesn't like cheese too but funny she eats broccoli and cheese, she has eaten cheese hot dogs (without being told what they were), shit the eggs I made last night had cheese in them and she didn't even know it. She just has it in her head that she doesn't like cheese and everyone keeps up with the stupid idea. POOR PARENTING!!
For some odd reason my sdh
For some odd reason my sdh has always been particular about ss16's plates of food too. He always would dish ss's up FIRST and put double meat and half vegies. UUHHHGGG. So annoying.
I guess I really don't
I guess I really don't understand the power struggle we as SM's make of our skids eating. Who gives a flip.
Apparently you have gotten mad before about this since DH was trying to avoid a confrontation. I say disengage from that. But what really bother me here is....
1...you getting mad over a her not eating potatoes.
2...him being kind of shady about the potatoes.
Do exactly as SMof2gilrs said.
Here's the thing- she would
Here's the thing- she would have ate the potatoes if DH hadn't taken them off her plate. After I realized what he had done, he apologized and said he was wrong (no shit) and gave her a potato. She ate it and said she really liked it. That's why I think it's so sad- she was given the opportunity to try something new and he just took it away and didn't think twice about it. Sorry but I think that is piss poor parenting.
Haha nope it wasn't me but I
Haha nope it wasn't me but I wish I knew another SM in real life because I feel like no one even has a clue!
I know. It sucks. I don't
I know. It sucks. I don't even talk to my family or friends about it anymore because they just don't get it. My mom and I are close so I started talking to her about stuff in the beginning but she's a skid so of course she doesn't see the other side. My friends have kids but none of them have skids which is not comparable. This site is pretty much all I have lol
Exactly! That's all I ask if
Exactly! That's all I ask if that she try it because 99% of the time, she likes what she tries! She ended up really liking the potatoes last night and if it were up to DH, she would have never even tried them to know smh
OMG - we had an issue with
OMG - we had an issue with this recently (well it's always an issue) but something in particular happened that really pissed me off.
We had skid dinner (crap food) sausages, chips, vegies and gravy. With bread and butter on the table.
My girls had finished but still had gravy on their plates and were still hungry so I said mop up the gravy with some bread and butter...
SS9 pipes up "EEEEEEUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWW YUCK!"
DD10 says "how do you know it's yuck if you haven't tried it?"
(ss9 eats a very limited diet and doesn't try new things.... he won't even eat the ends of a sausage they have to be cut off for him BEFORE the sausage goes on his plate, and he will eat sausages in bread rather than what the rest of us ate as above)
OH (bless his heart! LOL am using this a lot now) turns to dd10 and in a really pissy voice says "How do YOU know he has never tried it?"
GRRRRRRr
We ALL freaking well know the kid hasn't tried it, he won't eat anything!!! Either way, no need for that attitude to my kid buddy. I don't take the tone and get pissy with his no matter HOW much they need it.....
Ok, I tell a lie, last Monday sd(stb)13 made vomit noises when we kissed in front of her and as I walked away I got right up close to her and said "deal with it"....
You got more patience than me
You got more patience than me girl - that was my DH - he would've copped a smart ass remark right back quick smart.. like "you mean he ACTUALLY tried something DIFFERENT?? WHEN??" and then watch him squirm..
As for SD and her vomiting noises - on ya for givin' it right back to her!
Yeah, he needs to decide if
Yeah, he needs to decide if he's okay with you dealing with her food issues your way, or if he does it himself.
Now, I can say that I am NOT a breakfast for dinner person. I'm not a breakfast person at all, tbh. I prefer dinner for breakfast. That said... this made me laugh. My daughter was invited (with her new b/f) to my brother's for breakfast. Today. At 7. She was grumbling about it as she didn't get home from her game until 10:30. Pizza. Breakfast at 7am? Not my problem. (Note - my brother and I do not get along. At all.)
I was out walking the dog when she called me at 7:05. Breakfast? Breakfast for dinner. At 7. PM. hehehehehehe....
Lol yeah yesterday was DH's
Lol yeah yesterday was DH's birthday and that is one of his favorites so that's why it was made. We all like it though.
When she was bitching to me
When she was bitching to me about having to get up so early, I gave her the hand. She agreed, so not my problem and I don't want to hear it.
That's very true. It's not so
That's very true. It's not so much that I really sincerely care what she eats- my issue is that we are planning to have a child together and I don't want there to be any difference in the way they are treated and in the expectations we have for them. I want us to all sit down at the table and eat the same meal (if I make something spicy or whatever, they can eat something else but there's no reason she can't eat a damn potato). I don't want my kid to be expected to sit there and eat with us but SD be allowed to do whatever the hell she wants. See what I'm saying?
"we are planning to have a
"we are planning to have a child together and I don't want there to be any difference in the way they are treated and in the expectations we have for them."
You need to sit DH down right now and have this conversation. It's very difficult to raise skids and bios exactly the same when they both don't live with you 100% of the time. You and DH need to be very clear on what the expectations are and how you're going to manage them.
Hahaha! I love the Berenstein
Hahaha! I love the Berenstein Bears! I will definitely check out that book! I have explained to SD that the things her dad gives her is junk lol but it's hard because he IS her parent and I am not. I buy her apples because she loves them but last weekend I came downstairs to find her eating a bag of Cheetos for breakfast. My face must have said it all, because she immediately told me that she wanted an apple but her dad didn't feel like cutting it up for her so he gave her cheetos instead! :jawdrop:
Lol oh my gosh, we have one!!
Lol oh my gosh, we have one!! DH was just too lazy to get off his ass and use it! I guess it's easier to tell SD to go grab a bag of chips SMH!
Yeah I will have to try to
Yeah I will have to try to show her. She's only 5 so I'm not sure if she will get the hang of it yet, but it can't hurt to try! Then she won't have to wait for DH to get off his lazy ass. I normally do it for her but that particular morning I was still in bed.
I would be totally upset too.
I would be totally upset too. DH put me in charge of meals and parenting when it comes to eating and ss has improved. SS was eating about four things total and was ultra picky and DH admitted that he failed. SS would eat a corn dog. We go to a restaurant and one of the things on the menu is a corn dog. SS pitches a fit that he doesn't want to eat there so we eat there and then DH takes ss to another restaurant. My jaw dropped. I would have told the kid to have a corn dog or he gets nothing. That is how kids wind up being ultra picky. I told DH I didn't like it and he hasn't done that since. Another time I made ss dinner and in the middle of dinner ss says he wants bacon. DH throws out ss's dinner and makes him bacon. I told DH that was the last plate I was ever going to fix for ss if he ever did that again. Then ss tells me that BM doesn't cook dinner and ss just snacks on whatever he wants all night. DH said the whole time he was married to her she never cooked a single meal. Shitty parenting = ultra picky eating. Tell your DH if he ever does that again you will no longer fix plates for sd. That's what i told my DH when he pulled the bacon stunt and it worked.
That's exactly what I don't
That's exactly what I don't understand! What is wrong with these men? Do they just not want to parent their kids and want to be their friend instead or what? Normally I cook pretty healthy meals- the breakfast last night was made because it was DH's birthday and that is one of his favorites. Normally I have at least 1 vegetable and every one that SD has tried, she has actually liked. It's getting her to try things that is the problem, but that is all thanks to DH. Now she will normally try things for me, but DH took that opportunity away last night & I just flipped. I told him he's a piss poor excuse for a parent and everything lol.
Also, it's EASIER to have the kid eat what we eat. It's a hassle to make separate meals and it's just flat out annoying to see her sitting there picking at her food like it's trash. Why the hell would anyone want to raise a kid that way??
I have the same philosophy
I have the same philosophy with only making one meal and the kid is not going to hate you for making them eat healthy foods.. I'm not a health nut or anything.. I believe pretty much everything is ok in moderation.. but not chips and chocolate milk every day.. That's just ridiculous.. DH literally sends SD to BED with a bag of potato chips and a Yoo Hoo every night. I find it disgusting that all that sugar and salt is just sitting on her teeth all night long, not to mention that it's probably the most unhealthy combination you can come up with. I keep telling DH that when SD blows up like a blimp, he only has himself to blame. SD pretty much will eat what she is given to eat- this is totally DH's poor parenting that is to blame. Also, she is at BM's 50% of the time and who knows what she eats there but I know it's not any kind of home-cooked meals. I know she eats a lot of McDonald's chicken nuggets and fries there smh.
This used to be an issue in
This used to be an issue in our home not too long ago and we sometimes have 'flare ups" if you will. When Dh and I bought our home Ss wouldn't eat anything but scrambled eggs, PB&J, and chicken nuggets. it was insane... the most aggrivating part was Dh would ask Ss what he wanted and then give him his choice-to me this was not okay. After cooking meals and then Dh not making Ss even try his food I sat down with Dh and told him that either he work on Ss at least TRYING the food and if Ss absolutely didn't like it he didn't have to eat it OR Dh could worry about making dinner for himself and ss because I wasn't going to stress out over this nor was I going to cater to a 4 yr old. I have 3 brothers none of us were picky so I found the whole ordeal very aggrivating. when i was a kid no one asked you what you wanted and if you liked it...you either ate your food or got spanked and sent to bed. anyway, Dh agreed that we would work on getting Ss to learn that at our house he needed to eat what was served and if he didn't like it then he could get pb&j. Now Ss eats pretty much whatever we give him and we can tell if he's just being fussy or if he really doesn't like it. It takes time but you and Dh need to be on the same team. what he did was not cool at all however you guys need to be on the same page or you skid will totally play you guys against eachother. Good luck!!
That is probably why I find
That is probably why I find it so aggravating too- When I was growing up, my brother and I ate dinner every night at the table with my parents and we all ate the same meal. We had to at least TRY everything. And what do ya know, neither one of us are picky eaters either! Amazing how that works huh lol!
yep, the crazy thing is that
yep, the crazy thing is that Ss will eat whatever is served at Bm's but that's because they live with Bm's parents and his nana and grandpa are both ex military and are very strict. Dh lived with his mom prior to us dating and she was the one who started the whole "what do you want to eat???" and gave him whatever so he got used to it. It was all very disgusting to me to be catering to a child like that. Thankfully things are way easier now and the tantrums are far and in between but in the beginning I would get enraged when he would cry because he had to eat his food. To me it was something a quick swat on the bottom would fix but I'm not his momma.
haha
honestly that would piss me
honestly that would piss me off too. But mostly because I was raised with "you eat what is served or you don't eat" and we were always encouraged and exposed to new different foods by my mom and after trying it if you really didn't like it, you didn't have to have any more of it. BUT TRY IT.
So its the way I raise my own kids and while there have been hiccups of "I don't like anything green" for a while, it eventually smoothes out lol
So I was not impressed when DH (then boyfriend) and I got together and had all the kids together and discovered SD didn't like most everything put in front of her if it wasn't fish, fast food or junk. So mealtimes were P-A-I-N-F-U-L. She would refuse and I mean REFUSE to eat stating "DAD, you KNOW I don't like _______" (insert any type of food that wasn't the above mentioned items). One time on a road trip we gave the kids sandwiches for lunch. SD nibbled hers, declared she absolutely couldn't stand it and let it sit in front of her. We were driving (in a motorhome while kids sat belted at the table) so there were bumps and such and I watched as SD watcher her sandwich bounce and bob closer and closer to the edge of the table waiting for it to "fall off" and become inedible. I piped up and said "M____ if you think trying to let that fall off the table will mean you don't eat it, think again". It took her the rest of the car ride but she ate it. It was ham and cheese. Somebody arrest us for forcing ham and cheese on a kid. DH once made her sit at the table for 2 hours until she'd eaten her supper. I will admit I wasn't a fan of that tactic. I would have just taken it away and told her it was in the fridge if she got hungry (meaning she wouldn't get anything else). But DH was tired of the cycle so he made her eat supper. She was STUBBORN and held out as long as she could but in the end boredom got her and she ate it so she could go play afterward. She was 9 at the time.
FF to now a days (at age 12) she eats anything put in front of her because she knows her dad won't tolerate "I don't eat/like/want this" and if she doesn't like it, she only has one serving. That's totally fine. She HAS tried to claim she wasn't hungry and then 10 minutes after everything is put away she's asked for a snack or something but she's always told "no, you should have had more lunch/supper/whatever. You can have a snack in a couple hours".
I like the idea of if you
I like the idea of if you don't eat your dinner, it's in the fridge for when you get hungry later. When my SD doesn't eat what I make, DH just ends up giving her something she does want (chips). It's appalling. At least your DH is on the same page with you. My DH has admitted he was wrong for what he did last night, but this is far from the first time. I feel like he is constantly undermining me in front of SD and this is why I flip out on him! I would say that ALL the issues SD has or has had in the past are because of his poor parenting. In addition to the picky eating, she had SERIOUS bedtime issues. We moved in together when she was 2 and DH had been co-sleeping with her. My GOD that was HELL. She would SCREAM for HOURS "I WANT MY DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY." It gives me chills just remembering it. Point is, SD didn't create any of these issues- she is only responding to DH's poor parenting.
Yup, its DH not the SD. My DH
Yup, its DH not the SD. My DH wasn't on board in the beginning either. He didnt' notice how he always "gave in" to SD because its always what he's done and their time together was so limited he wanted it to always be happy and positive and heaven forbid she ever be mad or cross with him! He was constantly buying her stuff 'just because' and she acted so entitled all the time simply because he's HER dad and she doesn't see him all the time. Sorry kid, that won't fly around here anymore. Disney dad is gone and in his place is DAD. I hope your DH wakes up and realizes what's going on. He'll only be sad later on when his cute 5 yr old princess turns into a bitch pre-teen...
Ah yes, pizza is another
Ah yes, pizza is another thing SD claims to not like. How the hell do you not like pizza?? Especailly a kid! It's so weird.
Yup, that's my DH too. If he
Yup, that's my DH too. If he knows I made something SD "doesn't like," he will announce it and put the idea in her head that she doesn't like it and then she will be afraid to try it and she will start to claim that she doesn't like it WHEN SHE HAS NEVER EVEN TRIED IT. That just irks the hell out of me. TRY IT. So what if you don't like it, it's just food, it's not going to kill you. The hell!
Do you guys know of any books
Do you guys know of any books that are geared towards men like this?? I have seen tons of books about stepparenting, stepmoms, etc. but are there any that address the guilty dad/poor parenting aspect of it? I really would like DH to understand the monster he is creating!
Parenting another man and
Parenting another man and woman's kid sometimes resembles trying to stop a tsunami with a soup bowl.
Yesss!! Great comparison! So
Yesss!! Great comparison! So true!
We used to have an issue with
We used to have an issue with this because DH and skids lived with MIL for a while before we met and of course, Grandmother let grandkids indulge on snacks and desserts.
In the beginning, DH would leave off whatever he thought skids wouldn't eat, claiming to not want to waste. Shortly after, I told DH it was ridiculous to cater that specifically to skids (6 & 8). So I started making the plates with a little of everything on each. We tell the kids "if u don't like something, put it with something you do like, eat it first, then you're done with it".
Well skid6 is keen on trying any & everything to get out of eating. Including stuffing his mouth then going to restroom & spitting food out. He tried that and I stopped him in his tracks to ask where he was going. He says, with his entire 4 green bean serving in his mouth and a grimace in his face, "I have to use the restroom". I told him to finish the food in his mouth then he can be excused. He sat down and gave me a death stare until the food was gone. Miraculously, he no longer needed a restroom break.
The next time he tried this, but instead of "I have to use the restroom" it was "i think I'm going to throw up" to which I responded "well if you're that sick you should probably skip the rest of dinner and go to bed" again, a miracle happened and the sickness went away.
DH asked "so how do you know he's faking each time?"...
Honestly, I don't. But I wasn't born yesterday.