20yo SD is such a contraction…

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1. She claims she is a “Daddy’s girl” yet she doesn’t but cards/gift for Christmas, his birthday or Father’s day.

2. She claim she is a “Daddy’s girl” yet she constantly slags him off on social media sites.

3. She claims she is a “Daddy’s girl” yet attempts to destroy all his serious relationships, thus he is lonely, on his own and unhappy.

4. She claims she is a “Daddy’s girl” but she shows him absolutely zero respect.

5. She claims she is a “Daddy’s girl” yet she never lifts a finger to help him around the house.

6. She claims she is a “Daddy’s girl” yet when she is not getting her own way with “Daddy” she runs off to “Mummy” (who she also constantly slags off).

7. She claims she is a “Daddy’s girl” but acts as if she is his equal, except when it suits her (i.e. I need money Daaadddddyyyyyy).

She gives the air of being all ‘virginal’ and the likes b/c she went to private school, in her opinion she is so much more mature/better than other girls, her ‘BF’s’ worship the ground she walks on…. yet has slept with 6 boys in 12 months and has been dumped by all of these BFs.

As I have seen many times on this website if you met her as a stranger you would (probably) think what a well mannered, nice young ‘lady’…but I have learnt that first impressions can well and truly be deceptive!!!!

I just don’t get this sort of attitude/behaviour and I find it impossible to believe anything she says let alone ‘trust’ her. Urggghhhh….she just makes my skin crawl.

Does anyone else have similar skids? Can anyone offer an ‘explanation’ for this behaviour? I find her just plain weird!!!!!

LOL...maybe both!!!

It would be 'lovely' if daddy

It would be 'lovely' if daddy would 'put her out'...but in his mind this is an absolute no!! She is at Uni but kept her weekend job in our home town so that she can come home at weekends!!! In a week she will be back full time for the summer holidays...I can hardly wait...not!!!

Echo, Believe me, to say I am

Echo,

Believe me, to say I am not looking forward to it would be a gross understatement!!!!

Her mom and her have an on/off relationship...truth is I really don't know why it is an 'off' relationship...but that is another story...but she would never go back to live there, her mom's husband doesn't want her in the house (says a lot...LOL!!!).

Will have to think of several 'activities' to occupy my time over the summer....although I enjoy being at home (when she is not there)...urrrggghhh.

Then SO tells me we need to talk at the weekend about YSD...I am 99 sure I know what is coming...YSD (18 in a couple of months) has finished college and has decided for the time being not to go to Uni as she wants to focus on her music career...she wants to come and live with us too!!!!! She has never had a job, has a BF she is joined to the hip at (he hasn't had a job either) not sure if he comes as part of this package...lol......

Really don't know what I will say...no doubt it will make for an interesting new post....I will get the wine on the chill in preparation now!!!! Just thinki

Echo, Believe me, to say I am

Echo,

Believe me, to say I am not looking forward to it would be a gross understatement!!!!

Will have to think of several 'activities' to occupy my time over the summer....although I enjoy being at home (when she is not there)...urrrggghhh.

Really don't know what I will say...no doubt it will make for an interesting new post....I will get the wine on the chill in preparation now!!!! Just thinki

Oh I feel for you. A few

Oh I feel for you. A few years ago I was forced to endure SD20 moving in for summer vacation after BM kicked her out after graduation. I thought I was gonna lose my mind. At first I held up in my room, I even sat there and cried, I was a wreck. Then I decided this is my home, and no-one is gonna make me feel this way in my home, I re-claimed it.

I came out of my room, did my usual routine, and basically acted as if she wasn't there. If she needed something or needed to go somewhere DH would have to take care of that when he got home from work. If she wanted something to eat, there's the kitchen figure it out. Oh, you're clothes are dirty, here's the washroom, do you need me to show you how my machines work. I was not gonna be her maid.

I was in no means cruel to her, I just didn't cater to her every whim and let her walk all over me. Once she figured out she wasn't the #1 woman in the house, she left.

Don't let them run your home, it's yours

Thanks Echo

Echo....I'm searching for

Echo....I'm searching for trans Atlantic flights....you're sanctuary really does sound like a small piece of heaven

Clydella, thank you for

Clydella, thank you for sharing your experience.

The 20 yo has for the main part always with SO since I have known him. When she went to Uni last Sept she kept her job here so that she could come back every weekend and took great delight in telling me that was her intention. Honestly, there is no way she is going anywhere...she thinks she is Queen B (shame she can't cook, clean, work the washing machine etc etc lol).

I have tried the carrying on as normal for as long as I can remember (I too went through the hiding in my room, crying etc stage), but I really don't know how much more of this I can take...not now as of Friday it will be full time and then the other one.

Echo I know you said about rules....honestly these 2 DO NOT u/stand rules, respect, or chores...yet they always have their hands out for money. How do you enforce rules/chores with this age group? If you look at my posting entitled something along the lines "Let's talk about sex SD" you will see how defiant (for want of a better word) the OSD is. I have never met anyone with such thick skin. She posts nasty cr*p about me and SO on the internet and then rocks up and asks me what's for dinner. I know, I know....I don't cook for her anymore

Do either of you have any ideas for enforcing rules/punishments? They don't put their dishes in the d/washer (OSD even posts stuff on the internet like, my dad can shove it if he has a go at me for not putting my plate in the d/washer...I work harder than him...WTF!!),don't put their dirty laundry in the basket (let alone wash it), they leave plate/glasses (with food/drink) in their rooms for weeks...it's just repulsive...but they've both been privately educated and walk around in designer clothes...all so fake. Anyhow, I digress.

Any tips would be very, very gratefully received.

Thanks again

You got a couple monsters on

You got a couple monsters on your hands right there. I don't know if you’re SO supports you or if he has their back. If it's theirs you have a long road in front of you. I would suggest total dis-engagement. Let it lay at his feet, let him take all the glory for their failure at life. He is setting them up for failure in the real world, cause other people won't tolerate their BS, they’re in for a smack in the face.

I don't know if this will help you, but it's my reaction to what you have said.

The first thing is your SO needs to step up, and be a parent. Make rules, enforce them & stick to it. No matter how much they whine & cry. Let her run back to Mommy and see if she gets any sympathy.

Don't wanna help with the dishes, fine don't use 'em or better yet, get your own house with your own dishes.

Never ever do their laundry, if they wanna walk around in dirty clothes let 'em, Skanks. SO needs to quit buying them clothes until they learn how to take care of the ones they have.

When they walk up with their hand out, I'd slap'em some skin and say how's it going?

Bash me on the computer and let's see how far that computer will fly out the window.

You're next step is to talk with your SO, set up your boundaries and make sure he understands you intend to stick to them.

My DH always tells me, people will push you until you push back. How much are you willing to tolerate?

Hi Clydella….Thank you so

Hi Clydella….Thank you so much for your response.

I think I have 2 monsters too (to be fair YSD does not give me any cr*p and I really like her and enjoy her company) but she is crafty too but in more subtle ways (maybe that is more ‘dangerous’!!!).

I have decided of late that SO is very egotistical. As such he doesn’t want to admit that his bad parenting has been the cause of all this sh*t. Rather he always blames it on their BM and how she is so ‘mean’. When I have gone through my head his examples of her being ‘mean’ I now think she hasn’t been ‘mean’ rather she has been trying to parent (i.e. she has told YSD she needs to get a part time job and that she won’t just give her money). He thinks that by showering us (me, OSD & YSD) with possessions he is demonstrating his ‘manhood’…whatever the hell he thinks that might be.

So in response to whether he supports me or not, at the moment I would say no. He respects my opinions and is always asking for it and the majority of times he agrees with me (I like to think I am quite level headed). However, when push comes to shove, he just cannot say no to them. I think this too is an egotistical thing as I have a suspicion he thinks it has to be a choice btw him and BM for the SD’s. I can recount several times when he has said ‘I know it is right for the girls to want to have a relationship with their mum but…..’. I keep saying he really needs to let go of the past. His relationship with BM now has nothing to do with what their relationship is with their BM.

I totally agree regarding their lives in the ‘real’ world. I look at their interaction with others and it is not the same as my other family members who are around the same age who are more independent, more socially confident etc. OSD cannot keep a BF and her friends are the ‘weak girls (SO’s words not mine…although I see this for myself). I have told him he is not helping them but quite the opposite, he fails to see it.

I love your comments and I really appreciate your time in passing them on. In my mind I know what he does is crazy but he is such a ‘guilty’ dad I really don’t know if/how he can change. I myself have made so suggestions in the past which he thought were great but he just does not follow them through. Crazy thing is he thinks he is all so great at offering other people relationship advice etc. b/c he is NLP trained…ummm that is for business relationships SO…not parenting ones.

He is ultra-defensive if I say anything remotely negative about the girls and often cites his 2nd wife’s poor relationship as the reason for their divorce….seeing any patterns here SO?!?!?!

I feel a MAJOR discuss everything and put cards on the table talk beckons….but I really don’t know how much longer I can tolerate the situation...it's so draining!!!

Did your DH pull his skids up on any passive aggressive behaviour they may have displayed with you? Sorry I don’t know whether this is something you have had to ‘endure’. If he says anything to OSD about this sort of behaviour she just denies it and he says to me…well what else am I supposed to say/do.

Jeeeeeeezzzzzzz….I have never come across people like this in my life before. Neither SO or myself were raised in privileged families but have both made something of ourselves which is why I find it really weird that he has this hand everything to them on a plate attitude.

It’s nearly 6:30 here in the UK…time for a glass of wine I think! Thank you again for your time I really do appreciate it.

My DH doesn't tolerate any BS

My DH doesn't tolerate any BS from SD. That's why she stays so mad at him all the time. Thankfully my DH is not one of the 'guilty dads'. He tried for years to get SD to come live with him, but she wouldn't leave BM.

My DH is defensive sometimes, but I think he thinks when I point out things about SD that I'm attacking him or his parenting skills. But I always tell him the truth of what I think and I expect the same from him.

I think talking with your SO is your best bet and reading thru the boards here has helped me alot. Seek out "Step-Aside" she's got some awesome blogs and you can learn alot from her.

Enjoy your wine, I'm still at work right now, but soon me & DH will be off on a little motorcycle ride this evening, 90 degrees and the sun is shining.

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20yo SD is such a contraction…