You should correct others. Simply say, "this is my stepdaughter, but that doesn't mean I don't love her!"

You're not a mom because of SD. If you have other biochildren, then yes, you are a mother. Marrying a man with children doesn't make you a mom.

I have mixed feeling on this one. Now that SD is older she gladly corrects them, often saying, thats my 'sonja'.. LOL, but its not such a big deal because BS is always with us, so she doesnt need to make a huge deal out of it.

In the past I have corrected if it mattered, but I think 90% of people that are just assuming really dont need the whole explanation, its just not necessary. If I was ever at her school or with DHs family that dont know, I would definitely correct them out of respect for BM, but at the park or whatever its just not necessary to give them the story about how that kid is mine but no that one is not.

I'm with 10 gallon hat on this one I think she's spot on.

I used to have my niece all the time. I was thrilled when people said she was my daughter. She is adorable, smart and just wonderful.

She is my brother's SD so is not "blood" but I couldn't adore her more.

She is the absolute mirror image of her mother. Now that she is an adult - she even sounds like her mom. She is so beautiful that I loved it when people said she looked like me. She really didn't we just had the same coloring.

My partners children '... I no longer call them SS's... Would have a fit if someone thought I was their mother :O And that suits Me just fine. I really don't want people thinking I'm in any way responsible for creating either of those individuals.
And I'm not caught up in the label of "mother " either. I've seen what "mothers" are capable of and the self righteous and entitled attitude that many women seem to think giving birth gives them. In many cases being a "mum" is simply being too stupid not to avoid getting knocked up.

Although you are a stepmother and do many things a mother would do and most likely have good relationship with your stepchild.

You should correct them, You must keep a good relationship with the childs mother and not overstep your boundaries unless you feel she will not be offended?

However if she is an involved mother and very close to her child , it may not be a good idea.

You always want to make sure your step child knows you are never going to replace her mother.

hope this helps!

Not long ago, at work, I was helping a woman and boy (maybe 5?). I said something to him about him and his Mom doing whatever activity it was. He looked at the floor and quietly said "She's not my Mom. She's my stepMom..." I looked at the woman, and she gave a little smile and shrug. Looked at the little boy and told him I thought that was okay, too, and it was neat that he'd get to do this activity with her regardless, 'cause they would have a lot of fun together with it. The two of them looked at each other, then at me, with the biggest smiles on their faces.

Point being... if the kiddo feels the need to correct, let him/her. (Apart from family/friends - then it would be best if you did). Otherwise, the explanation isn't needed. IMO, anyway.

I do not correct and never have. My family dynamic is not anyone's business. Now if we are close friends, then that is different, they will know the whole story. But random people that say "give this to your Mom to fill out" would never have been corrected. I see no point in it. Plus I never wanted my stepsons to feel left out or like they didn't belong in our family. I am not going to point at my bio son and say "Oh he is MY son, but those two are my stepsons." Nope.

I am sorry but after being on this site for so long and after dealing with everything else I deal with and My Sks and their BM. We have full custody and they call me mom and other people refer to me as their mom. My Sks dont like it when I call them my Sks we have a really close bond even BM can see this, she said so in court. I got tired of listening to other Bio moms and Step moms on her telling me it was wrong I am following my heart and It feels great. I feel this way about it. If I have to take care of them as if they are my own and I get nothing else out of it Like a BM would then Damit they can call me whatever they want and I can call them whatever I want. Its up to you and your DH Even when it was 50/50 my Sks have felt distant from their Bio mom. Put it this way. If you adopted a child would you feel funny if they called you mom or if you were mistaken as their mom. Same dam thing and there is no different some people have different situations. Just because you had kids doesnt make you a parent. My Sks Bio mom treats them like crap and makes them feel like S**T when they are good boys, Considering how kids are these days. I am going to embrace them as my own and show them that we are a family and how lucky they are to have two different families one with us and one with their Bio mom...good luck and dont take everyone's opinion on here so serious just remember that's all they are, are OPINIONS!!!..some can be good and some can be bad.

well cuddos to you dear. spanking is a way to get a cross to all our kids ( step and bio) when they don't seem to get the point with all of our other arsenal of forms of discipline. I use spanking as a last resort, but I am a strict three times you have been told kinda momma. it's just who I am

No it is not wrong. You are her mom. In fact, step or not, you may very well be her only REAL mom. My son and I never have corrected. It does come up rarely in conversation as a clarification point but generally neither of us correct on this point. It is our relationship, our family and noone elses business.

My son (SS) is my parent's grandson, my brother and SIL's nephew, my niece and nephews cousin, etc.... Common biology or not.

BM's issues with that subject do not change the facts and BM does not define your relationship with your SD, you and your SD define your own relationship together.

BM does not define it, is not a party to it and has no say in it. PERIOD!! Unless you tolerate it which I definately would not do were I you.

My situation is a bit different than yours. I am Custodial Step Dad to my son (SS-20) and have been since he was 1yo. I am the only full time dad he has ever had.

Of course this did not stop the SpermClan from screwing with the kids head during visitations for more than 16 years. "He is not your REAL dad.", blah, blah, blah.

The facts are that I am the only REAL dad the kid has ever had. A parent is an advocate, confidante, mentor and disciplinarian. If a StepParent performs this role then the StepParent is the REAL parent. More than one person can perform this role and everyone who does is a REAL parent regardless of genetic contribution to the kid.

So, do not allow BM to pollute your relationship with your SD. If she attempts to correct people who refer to you as mom then just give them that "sorry but she is so pathetic look" and comment accordingly. I tended to use "I am the dad that he lives with and who supports him" when SpermGrandMa would start her toxic crap. Among other ass barring comments when the SpermIdiot and SpermClan got lippy. The same perspective can be just as effectively applied from the NCP side of the blended family equation if the CP is an idiot.

All IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Sincerely,