Everyone disgusted by their SKids?

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I realize this is a place where stepparents come to vent, but I'm a little taken aback by how much venom is being spewed towards children on here.

Do we not all realize that we need to meet our stepchildren WHERE THEY ARE and not where we want them to be? There is good in all of them. How can you better parent them so that you are a stable, loving influence in their lives?

Now I've had my fair share of issues with my SD as well, don't get me wrong. At times her behavior startles and/or appals me. However, it is her BEHAVIOR and not HER that is upsetting. And what is poor behavior besides misplaced hurt, anger or loneliness. Children who have to shift around from household to household have it tough people. Lets not forget that.

^^Exactly! My daughter's

^^Exactly! My daughter's been through absolute HELL with my divorce from her dad, then subsequent relationship and marriage to an abusive, controlling asshole that moved us across the country every 6-12 months for almost 8 yrs. She's NOTHING like SD14, who was given everything, treated like a princess, has lived in the same home all her life, and is coddled beyond belief.

Exactly. Some of these kids

Exactly. Some of these kids truly are intrinsically just rotten, they like it, they revel in it. Skid is predispositioned to be an idiot in my case, then he just has a HORRIBLE personality, and has been totally ruined by those responsible for his parenting. I used to think there was good in all people, that there has to be something likeable evn in the most unlikeable of children, living my life has proven that thought to be SO wrong. There is nothing good in skid. NOTHING. He is like a little soulless black eyed monster. I don't even sleep with my bedroom door unlocked when he is here because he is so disturbed.

Wow, I'll bite. My skids are

Wow, I'll bite. My skids are okay, my bios can be pains, same as any other, they're all children. My skids BM is a piece of crap. I am tired of her being absolutely worse then useless because she can pull herself together enough to cause trouble for EVERYONE. When my skids are hurt time & time again I wonder why they continue to fall for it, why when they hurt me to my core they don't realize the venom they are spewing & yet I am the one who feeds & clothes them, who shows up when BM skips out & who makes sure that despite having primary & paying CS, their needs are met because unlike BM, I have a career & value truth, honesty & family.

The venom comes from the SM's whose older skids still parrot the bad they've been taught, whose in-house bio-parent fails to parent & leaves it all to the SP, it arises from always coming 2nd or 3rd or worse & finally thinking its over & time to focus on being a couple & guess what? The poorly raised skid gets knocked up & the new spermlette is all that matters...

Give it a few years, even the best situation teaches you empathy for those OTHER SP's in a bad situation.

Wait a sec guys, while I get

Wait a sec guys, while I get my wine and popcorn!

i don't see any good in an

i don't see any good in an almost 17 year old who rejoices while i am having a miscarriage. i am not interested in loving her or being a good influence in her life. i'm interested in her getting sucked into a black hole and never being seen again. yeah, i guess i do have a little bit of venom inside of me for the "child" who is so happy my unborn baby died.

she is 20 now and thinks i should get over what she said and did to me and just love and adore her baby. i'm so horrible for not celebrating her child's birth even though she celebrated my child's death. fuck her. she can go to hell.

ooohh BI, wow, what a little

ooohh BI, wow, what a little bitch and yes, fuck her. I feel your pain, just not with a teenage SD, a bitch BM and MIL and a nutty little "Daddy's" boy.

My bitch ass SD insists on

My bitch ass SD insists on naming her spawn what my DH and I picked out for a baby we lost. But I am mean and hating on her. Reminds me every so often. If it happens again I will ban het from the house permanent. F her. She acts all innocent like she has no idea what she is do
F her she told my BD -her f half sister -she hopes I die from cancer because BD would be better off with out me. F HER my father died from cancer when I was six. So maybe we have a FING reason to spew venom. This is some of the things she did while under the age of 18 and living in my house because her pos BM didn't want to be bothered.

Thank god SDs husband doesn't want kids with her. I am disengaging anyway but if she names a kid that she will show she us a pos too. Cry me a river she us a nasty jealous fake bitch who started her victim act as a kid. Wish I disengaged then and she's lucky I let her near my BD.

In my relationship previous

In my relationship previous to my marriage, I was with my ex for over four years. He had an adult daughter. SO refused to marry me or have kids with me because of her. When his niece was pregnant she and I were talking about baby names, I told her what I would name my children if SO would have them with me. His bitch daughter heard me and two years later, when she was pregnant and we were all out to dinner with his family one night, his brother asked her what names she was going to use and she grinned her big horse toothed grin and looked right at me and said, Ana if it is a girl and NOAAAAAAAAH if it is a boy. You could see the evil satisfaction in here ugly lazy assed eyes. Noah was the name I mentioned that she overheard. Needless to say, our relationship ended because of this little hussy.

what a dumb bitch! can't even

what a dumb bitch! can't even come up with a name on her own, because it's more important to try to dig you. that's the kind of person everyone needs for a mother! :sick: i used to not understand why people kept the name for their baby a secret til the baby was born. now i get it. i've never shared names with sd. she knew what bs's name was going to be, but not the pregnancy i lost that she was so happy about, and she doesn't know about the other 2 losses. well, i guess she does know there was more than one, but not that there were 3 and that one of them was far enough long that i had to deliver her. if she knew what i named by lost daughter, she would probably be all too happy to take it if she ever has a girl, and make it seem like she was honoring her dad's lost child, but i would know better. fuck her. she will never know about my baby or her name!

Yeah, she was a real bitch

Yeah, she was a real bitch from Hell. I did get immense satisfaction that she never got to use it. The baby was a girl, so no Noaaaaaaah for her, that is how she said it that night, all long and drug out as if to make for damn sure she knew she was doing it to get at me. I don't blame you one bit. I know how you feel, I have been there on the loss issue, and you do not have to allow this girl in your life or in your child's life.

^^^THAT is fucked up right

^^^THAT is fucked up right there! She's horrific with a capital H

Bi!! Hugs.I still find that

Bi!! Hugs.I still find that so horrible.Focus on the good things and the loving people in your life,This girl is heartless ! x

I was very responsible and

I was very responsible and did not produce unwanted children. I have NO intention of parenting the spawn some slut too stupid to use BC produced.

As far as some good in all? Tell that to the parents of the kid murdered with the assistance of my older skid. Thank god older skid is now dead and the world is safe from him. (did this as part of gang before he was even 18)

It is not my duty to parent any children that I did not bring into this world. period. dot.

My sentiments exactly. I did

My sentiments exactly. I did not birth this monster I sure as Hell am not going to parent his ass.

I worry all the time about

I worry all the time about skid finally going off the deep end enough to carry out his threats against me. I have had him stand over me with a knife. I was sick in bed, head in a trash can, he came in my room and said, "see, I told you I would get a knife." in reference to a comment he had made a couple of days prior about stabbing me. This is PREMEDIDATION and he was 4!!! It was a butter knife, but STILL!!! the thought process was there. He is a psycho. I HATE to be evn in the same general vicinity of him.

Skid is truly very deeply

Skid is truly very deeply disturbed. He has been kicked out of school for it and he is 5. He was so mean and abusive towards the teacher and the other students, the school finally had to say, no more, and if and when he does return, he will be placed in Special Ed due to Emotional Disturbance...aka..bat shit crazy and cannot be in a normal classroom setting. I could go on for days about all the things this little shit has said to me. I have been told that he is going to burn me up, bury me in the ground, poke my eyes out, kill my animals, stab me and make me bleed, he is just an extreme nightmare. I disengaged last Fall, so he doesn't get as many opportunities, but I can feel his cold dead eyes following me thru my house, he just glares at me, he is so full of rage. He will not get better, he will get worse, BM is in total denial and does nothing to help him, counseling, meds, etc., MIL is the biggest enabling idiot I have ever known, and DH just sticks his head in the sand. As he gets older, if I am still around, which I doubt, but if I am, I think he will attempt to harm me physically. He needs to be in a home somewhere, in a psych ward, something.

This was my older SS as a

This was my older SS as a child. Kicked out of school for violence in 2nd grade. Went on to the gang murder.

Fortunately for me I never met him. He'd already fled the state when I met DH and is now deceased.

This is why poor DH think SS27 is "not so bad". He's a drunk with an anger management problem but is not a sociopath like his brother. He would never hurt animals, children or women. But he gets in brawls with men who "dis" him. The best I can say about him is that I am not afraid of him.

I see no hope for skid, that

I see no hope for skid, that part, that is not entirely his fault. The people responsible for his raising do nothing to curtail this behavior. But,he knows right from wrong, he knows what he does is not right, he just flat out does not care and gets immense pleasure out of it. He has a total disregard for other people's space, feelings, and rights. I want nothing to do with him at all. He is not yet old enough or physically strong enough to overtake me or anything, but could he catch me unaware and try to hurt me? Yes. He is just straight up prison bound all the way.

I used to worry SS would try

I used to worry SS would try to kill me. Slept with a locked door for years. He lives far away and is no longer acting like a nut. Turns out SD was the one putting shit in my food and drinks. Nothing "harmful " according to her. Nice right? She thinks it's cute to tell us all the bad things she did as a kid. I wonder if some of my baffling medical issues are from her or my miscarriage. Yea I'll meet her half way. But if I did that I would be at jail visiting her because that is were she belongs.

This isn't the site where we pretend our SKDS shit rainbows. That site is www.shewillfuckyouoveronedaytoo.com

(No subject)

Ok I was not trying to make

Ok I was not trying to make excuses for children. I was a stepchild myself who had two alcoholic bioparents and a stepmom who put me down every chance she could because I was misbehaving in my late teens due to "fuck it" syndrome. I had "fuck it" syndrome b/c I knew that even when I was GOOD I'd never get acknowledged by it from my parents/stepparents, so FUCK IT I might as well be bad. I pretty much remember always feeling misunderstood and alone.

Coming from the other side of things now and being a stepparent myself, I try and remind myself of that feeling of alienation so that I can put myself in my SD shoes when times get rough. Its not me trying to make excuses, it's me trying to sympathize with her roadblocks in life. Maybe I should have explained myself more thoroughly with my first post.

I do now have to admit that I wasn't aware of the severity of some of the craziness going on w/ ppl's Skids on here. If your children are threatening you, family pets, laughing at miscarriages, etc. I would be pissed too. But this is my first time seeing so many extreme cases in one punch. Most parent rants on here go something like, "My stepchild is a good for nothing piece of shit who never lifts a finger and watches TV all day." I dunno, to me that doesn't equate to a human being getting called a NOBODY or piece of shit. Ever.

But yeah, I could understand why you'd be bitching FLpanhandlephonex

most of the people who post

most of the people who post here have extreme cases of one thing or another. for me, it is an evil adult sd who NEVER f'g stops. for some, it is the same thing with ss's. others have psychotic bm's or overbearing and meddling mil's. no one here has a "normal" situation, except it seems this kind of crap is fairly normal in step life. if people had normal skids, in laws, and bm's they would likely not even feel the need to be on this site.

My SD had very poor behavior

My SD had very poor behavior when she snooped though DH's and my bedroom and threatened to smack my DD who was 11. Poor SD. She must have really been hurt, angry and lonely what with being shuffled from household to household.

Of course, she was twenty-one at the time. Things that make you go, "hmmmmm".

LOL!! Oh yes. "Meet her where

LOL!! Oh yes. "Meet her where she is." Whatever that means. :sick:

This is the first thread I

This is the first thread I read where people were saying they were getting DEATH threats from their own children.

Yikes.

Most of what I see is "My SS or SD is a no good blah blah blah..." with not enough supporting background as to why. I guess I supposed that most situations were like mine and people were over reacting to normal "kids adjusting" stuff.

If I had a kid threatening my life I'd be hittin the pavement faster than you can get that wine and popcorn HereIam.

He is not my child!!!!! I am

He is not my child!!!!! I am married to his father and that is where the connection ends. You were right I think on thinking it is not this bad in every home, I do think this type of behavior is extreme and probably not going on in everyone's lives, but it still happens. Even though not every poster has had to deal with these types of issues and threats, their skids are still pretty awful and they have major and very valid reasons for being here. Each one of us have unique stories and situations and no one will ever really know what it is like to live their unique life. We all relate because for one reason or another we are all at the end of our ropes and are so sick of feeling so alone in real life because no one gets it or because we can't say the things we say here out loud. I love this site and I do not think for one second that the women here should be made to feel like they are bad because they see the bad in these bad situations and REALLY BAD kids, death threats or not.

OMG..I so agree...I get so

OMG..I so agree...I get so damn sick and tired of people saying...poor baby doesn't have much of a mother...this is why she is this way. "Not having much of a mother" doesn't make you be a money grubbing, disrespectful, rude, obnoxious brat last time I checked.

My SD tried to hit me upside

My SD tried to hit me upside the head with an aluminum baseball bat. I managed to deflect it with my hand but have permanent nerve damage and still experience periodic pain/tingling in that hand 12 years later. She has tried to seriously injure both of my two BDs (her half-sisters) by: throwing the telephone at the head of one while she was an infant, trying to hit same infant in the soft spot of her head with a bathroom doorknob, laying the other one on the couch when she was crawling but not old enough to walk and then leaving the room so baby thudded to the floor on her head, leaving gate to stairs over hardwood floor open and watching from top of stairs as same crawling but not walking baby slowly and shakily ascended.

None of these are things normal children of divorce would do, in my opinion. She has no empathy or sympathy for anyone but herself and is out for all she can get for herself, damn everyone else and what they want/need. She is a pathological liar whom, even when it is found out she lied, will deny it.

So yes I agree we need to take into account the behavior and not the person, but now that she is grown (20), I think the two go hand in hand.

No, the things she did and

No, the things she did and the things DH's devil child does they are not normal either. Your SD sounds like DH and his kid. Yuck.

Yes stepdown that's her.

Yes stepdown that's her. Thank goodness I only have one stepbrat to deal with, but she is a doozy. She did much more than that to my BDs, that's just the tip of the iceberg. How about the time oldest BD was 3 and youngest BD was an infant and BD got her hand slammed in a really heavy glass door with metal edges. She is dancing around and shrieking and her hand is smashed in the door and SD is standing right next to her but does nothing but watch her dance around in pain. I had to put baby BD's carrier down in the garage (it was raining) and run to the front door and free older BD's hand. The whole time SD just stood there acting like nothing was happening. She's evil.

Sounds familiar. EvilSD33

Sounds familiar. EvilSD33 tried to trip me down a flight of stairs when she thought I was pregnant. And then wrote in her journal how she would shake the baby until it died and then blame it on me, thus killing 2 birds with one stone. She was 14. I elected not to have a child while she was in the house. The joke on me was when I tried at 34, after she left the first time, to get pregnant I was told I waited too long, too many other issues.

Let see SS36, eventhough now we have a good relationship, at 16 pissed of some gang members. The sheriff called me at work and told me to get the kids out of the house because they had good intel that a retaliatory drive by was planned. Do you know how much fun it is to pull up to a house to get the kid that started it knowing you might get shot? And then having to go to SD's school and explain why you're picking her up early? DH was out of state on a job.

And the bs doesn't stop when they leave. THey come back with others in tow. Or try to.

Why oh WHY do people start

Why oh WHY do people start these threads? Get some background first! When you see a post where someone says they hate the skid, check the log for their other posts, see what they deal with on a daily basis. I personally don't hate my Skids. They get on my nerves, but then again so do my Bio's. It's the BM, the guilt parenting on DHs part and the "divide and conquer" mentality that Skids have because they are master manipulators and know how to push peoples buttons. We come here because we LOVE our husbands and WANT to find like minded people that understand what we are going thru. It's finding a support group so that we can vent about it and move on and not strangle our husbands.

I have not had a problem with

I have not had a problem with my skids. All their behaviors that concerned or annoyed me could be traced back to BM and her brainwashing and vindictiveness.

MY son turned out to be a productive member of society and doesn't hate HIS dad or SM...and HIS dad didn't even have anything to do with him at all and didn't start paying CS until the state forced him when my DS was almost 10!

Also: If you raise your child with the mind-set that they are a VICTIM, then they will play that VICTIM card to the hilt AND become entitled little pieces of shit. This is setting them up to be people society doesn't LIKE. It is also setting them up to be unhappy in life, because life is not fair and doesn't own anyone SHIT.

>Also: If you raise your

>Also: If you raise your child with the mind-set that they are a VICTIM, then they will play that VICTIM card to the hilt AND become entitled little pieces of shit. This is setting them up to be people society doesn't LIKE. It is also setting them up to be unhappy in life, because life is not fair and doesn't own anyone SHIT<

Consider this stolen

Hello BuzyMama. It is

Hello BuzyMama.

It is difficult for me to rationalize the "toughness" of my SS shifting from household to household when he doubles up on all birthdays, Christmasses, Easters, etc. Rules that get instituted in one home are summarily ignored in the other. For example, my SS is grounded at the moment. He is not allowed to play video games and his internet priveledges are revoked until his grades improve. I can't enforce that rule when he goes to his Dad's house. So take a wild guess at what my SS does when he goes to his Dad's? His current stepmom hails from a large Ukranian family who have welcomed SS into their lives and teach him the various aspects of their unique culture. The same can be said for me and my side of the family.

Plus my SS has told me, without a single ounce of shame that "If you can't give me what I want, it's okay, I'll just go get it from my Dad."

So I fail to see how unlucky and "tough" it is for my step son having to live in two homes. I see my SS as being very lucky and he doesn't have it tough enough.

As much as I try to fly straight and level in the realm of stepdoom, the flight path is full of ups an downs with some heavy bouts of turbulance.

Your life as a SM must be

Your life as a SM must be alot better than everyone else's. How nice for you.

exactly. the behavior doesn't

exactly. the behavior doesn't have a mind of it's own. the behavior is a direct act of the person. so actually, it IS her that is upsetting.

BuzyMama......aren't you the

BuzyMama......aren't you the one who has a husband who spits venom at your kid (his stepkid)? Maybe he should meet your 4 year old where she is and not where he wants her to be. Do not wag your finger at us.

I do trash talk my

I do trash talk my husband...and myself...when I'm being rotten. I'm not beyond admitting when I'm wrong as I already have twice n this thread. He doesn't spew venom at my 4 year old in the sense that he doesn't call her rootten names. He DOES single her out tho compared to other kids and that shit pisses me off. And yes, I say shit to him about it right back.

But that was never what I was arguing to begin with. Ill talk to my husband because he is an adult who can handle it. I don't believe in harboring hateful feelings towards your run of the mill "naughty" child. You can do a lot more work with kids when u love them than hate. I am not trying to preach...just trying to be positive. And I have to say that I holding kids at a "victim" status is not what I was suggesting

EMPATHY is what I suggested. Not lowered standards.

As for the women on here with sadistic Skids or BMs I do presume your situations are much more severe and that intense therapy might be the only option besides searation if the situations don't improve. I certainly can symathize with what a shitty scenari that may be. I'm not trying to cut you ladies down. Honest.

I do trash talk my

EMPATHY is what I suggested. Not lowered standards.

I don't think "hate" is the

I don't think "hate" is the right term to describe our feelings towards our steps. "Frustration" would be more accurate. We are frustrated because we are expected to be responsible for these kids who are neither respectful nor grateful. We are expected to parent them and teach them but given no authority to do so and in a lot of cases, our SO's do not back us up and routinely defend their child's rotten behavior. We are expected to love these children as our own when it is nigh impossible to do so since love cannot be forced, even if the conditions were ideal.

For me, it's not hate. I

For me, it's not hate. I mean, how could I hate a three year old? It's fear, as it is for many of us.

I don't fear little children, but I do fear his mother, our BM. The woman who is not above sending death threats, sending people to trespass in our house, who is not above trying to kill herself when she doesn't get her way--who has obvious anger issues that, if she is not contained, may prove a danger to myself and my family.

And when you have someone like this--who fled the state when she was pregnant, is now half a country away, the baby is out of wedlock so custody defaults to her and her state, would you not be wary that it is possible for the child to lack the normal moral development? When manipulation, lies, threats, and physical harm is how his mother communicates her wants and desires to the world?

Yet I stand here hoping for the best, and that he does not, and that one day we can all be a family. Like an idiot, or an albatross, I hold onto that hope, even if my husband has given up on it, and now that I'm pregnant, my husband is even more protective because now we're bringing an innocent child into a possibly dangerous situation, and he is willing to do ANYTHING to isolate us from them.

Many of us aren't here because we hate our skid, many of us don't. Some of us do but most of the time they have very good reasons.

Obviously, many of us

Obviously, many of us step-moms don't have the luxury of husbands who wish to parent and skids that aren't screwed up. It's impossible to know what it's really going to be like until all of us are living under the same roof for a while. Then we discover that our DH's don't want to do anything, the BM's are crazy and jealous, and the skids are evil little brats.
As far as "parenting" my SD goes, I tried. She and DH wouldn't let me.
My husband never wanted my SD. His ex got off birth control and got knocked up on purpose to try to trap him. There are 3 reasons my SD is in my home 50% of the time: 1) my DH doesn't want to pay child support for a kid he didn't want. 2) BM wouldn't have it any other way-out of spite she has that kid with DH half the time SO HE WILL HAVE TO SPEND 50% OF ANOTHER 18 YEARS DEALING WITH WHAT HE DIDN'T WANT. 3)BM really didn't want the kid, either; she wanted my husband. Now that the SD is a monster, she wants her even less.

None of that is my fault. I tried to be the difference in my SD's life, and she resented me because she wants to be loved, but she wants to be loved my her parents, not me. And DH wont let me discipline her. So I have disengaged. I'm a lot less angry now. I do feel for the kid. I have tried to get my husband to put her in counseling-but there's no way in hell he or the BM are going to spend their money on that.

Your situations is so similar

Your situations is so similar to mine. I do not feel for skid anymore though. I can no longer allow myself to be concerned about how he turns out. I am not responsible for him, whatever will be will be and it won't be because of me.

You are here

Everyone disgusted by their SKids?