One time it took a full 4 days for my husband to notice that I went on strike-and then he didn't notice until he was out of clean pants.
For the H's to really understand what we do, we'd have to be hospitalized for several days or go out of town alone.
And even then, would we even recognize our homes when we returned?

Its a balance, for sure. I disengaged years ago and my dh did notice fairly quickly. bEcause I did alot for his kid. Took him to sports practices, drove him to his visitation with his bm-these are things I did on a regular basis. Imagine what happened that first time visitation pickup came around and there was no one to pick up the kid. Oops. Noticed very very quickly.Oh, you have soccer practice, kid? Oh, ok ask your dad to take you. He's not home? Sorry bout your luck. Oh, you need your baseball uniform washed stat for your game in 2 hours. Oops-sorry dont have time for that kiddo-but dont worry about it because you dont have a ride to the game anyway!

He didnt so much notice the dirty dishes, unwashed clothes,messiness-but when it came to his kid needing to be here, there, and everywhere then he stood up and took notice. oh, another big one that got noticed was-no groceries. Oh, sorry, you guys see that there's no food in the house? Hmm, well, I guess you better go get you some! This was said by me after I took my kiddos out to eat.

DH's lightbulb moment did come when I stopped doing anything for his kid. Which led to a fight. She came to me because she needed some feminine hygiene products. I said go ask your dad, he was walking into the room and said "Ask me what?"

I kept quiet. He said again, "Ask me for what?" I still kept quiet and his kid finally spit out what she needed.

DH got pissed at me because I didn't say anything. Started yelling at me because I stood by while his kid was too embarrassed to tell him what she needed. I looked him right in the eye and said "After every effed up thing she's done to me, I'm supposed to do her favors? Did you forget our long conversation about me disengaging. Not my kid, Not my problem. I'm not the one that needs tampons. If I weren't here, what would you have done? Oh I know, you would have dealt with it. So frigging deal with it." And walked off.

He followed me, we got into a fight, didn't speak for three days. He came to his senses and apologized. I told him if he pulls a stunt like that again, I would extract his testicles by way of his nostrils.

I have tried going on strike. It seems that everyone is content to live in their own shit, except for me of course!

I learned a really long time ago that me having an opinion causes a war. Of course he is allowed to have an opinion.

I've never done *chores* for DH's kids. Eff that. But, when I disengaged, he noticed something bigger. I didn't give a shit what they thought of me anymore. I wouldn't welcome them into my house. I didn't cook dinner for ANYONE - because... guess what? I was going out with my girlfriends!!

For a while, DH was forcing a relationship with me and his daughters. They are miserable girls who have treated me horribly.

Now - when he talks about them... I change the subject OR pretend like he didn't say anything. TRUST me. He notices that. AND, he hates it.

He realized HE doesn't like spending much time with them either. The only reason it was tolerable was because I was there holding his hand and he was putting on a big show for everyone trying to be superdad and superhusband. No one cared... and no one liked each other.

My life is so much better now that we've all just admitted that we don't enjoy each other's company.

@ STEPDOORMAT:
How did you get dh to be ok w/you admitting you didnt like spending time w/sk's? I've told dh over and over - "sorry, i just dont like your kid". He thinks I'm the worst human being alive for even *gasp* MENTIONING SUCH HORRIFFIC THINGS!!!!

i told fdh after Christmas 08 that i was DONE with sd. i told him i'm not buying her gifts ever again, he was on his own. this was because after i spent way too much money buying the snotty bitch exactly what she wanted, she had the nerve to criticize and complain to me, while thanking him oh so sincerely for the very same things i just got bitched at about. i also pointed out to him how no matter what i buy for her, he ALWAYS said "i don't know if she'll like that." so fuck them both. i'm not doing it anymore!

i told him i was done voicing an opinion on her skipping school and everything else that she did. i said my attempt at helping with anything and trying to make a normal life with her here only got me resented and no one (him or sd) listened anyway, so fuck it. i'm DONE.

i don't think he believed me. a few days later, she pulled her usual shit of coming into our room early in the morning and waking us up to tell daddy that she was sick and needed to stay home. his standard response was to tell her ok and that was the end of it. she stayed home driving me insane all day, eating like a pig, hogging the phone and computer, until school let out and her bf was home, then she was magically better, so fdh would happily drive her the 25 mins to her bf's house! no, i am not kidding. well, this time he told her to go downstairs and he would be there in a minute. he says to me "what do you think i should do?" i said "i don't care what you do." he says "what would you do?" i said "you know what i would do. but do whatever you want to, i don't care." he went downstairs and made her go to school. :jawdrop: all the times i pointed out to him that she was a faker and he was falling for it, he let her get away with it. i tell him i no longer care, and suddenly he does what he should have been doing all along. :?

a few months later there was an occassion that i would normally get her a gift for. i didn't do it. i got for my kids and that was it. he wanted me to get her something. i reminded him that i had already told him i was not doing that anymore, that he and sd both like to bitch about what i buy, so i'm not doing it. his response was a lame "i'm sure whatever you get will be just fine." too bad so sad. a dollar short and a day late. i told him no. and i didn't do it. and havent' done it since. he has forgotten things on many occassions, and when he remembered, she was stuck with whatever he got her. }:) for all the bitching she did about how i never got her the right things, she sure as hell noticed when i stopped! and so did he!

LMAO If i ever said flat out "I just dont like your kid" DH would be running out of here. Truth is I really dont.

Bi your post is hilarious