The skids currently live in TX with BM while she is in school with the military. They have joint legal/physical custody. He gets them for the week of Spring Break.

She originally said she would not let him have them prior to Sunday at 6pm because Spring Break doesn't "technically" start until Monday. DH's lawyer sent a letter explaining that absent a specific clause, our state interprets Spring Break to begin at the end of the school day on Friday.

She has since confirmed she is flying on Friday and withholding skids until Sunday evening (after multiple requests, she finally provided this info 4 days late).

She has refused to provide any further information about where they will be staying.

So .. I understand that the skids probably aren't in any danger and they are most likely staying with her boyfriend .. it's the fact that she violates this custody agreement at will. If the agreement is unreasonable, then that's an issue to be taken up in court. Otherwise, she should be held accountable for violating it.

DH has requested the info twice in 24 hours, she has not provided it. We will stop asking for it. She can explain to the judge why she thought she didn't need to follow the agreement.

But to answer your question .. no, he can't refuse to let them leave. He just has to wait for her to decide to drop them off.

I agree with you .. in most cases, DH doesn't NEED to know the info. I think at this point, it's just a matter of building a strong case showing she disregards the custody agreement at will. Not to mention her blantant lies and smug behavior, thinking she can do whatever she wants.

Idk .. it's just all so frustrating

The custody agreement very clearly states that each parent is to communicate 1 week prior to any travel when taking the kids away from their home overnight.

And technically, by our state court's interpretation of Spring Break, she is on DH's time.

This is interesting .. BM isn't local, so we can't go there physically .. but DH does know her flight number and arrival time.

He's mentioned in passing that if he doesn't get the information, he will meet her at the airport and request the information in person. Her BF will be there to pick her up, no doubt, and he actually seems like a reasonable guy. I'm sure if BM won't provide it, he will. And BM will have some furious kids on her hands when they realize they can't go home with Daddy.

I just think that approach may be pushing it a little

I agree on the limited sharing. DH would never ask for (or provide in the reverse situation) a hotel room number.

I think DH would even be more comfortable if he had a relative idea of where BM's boyfriend lives. The only thing he knows about this guy is that he works for the military as a civilian contractor (not enlisted personnel) and his first name.

If something were to happen, DH would have no way of tracking him down, or the skids. DH would not call him, stop by, or anything intrusive .. at the end of the day, he trusts that BM would not put the skids in danger .. but knowing where his kids are (or being able to reasonably figure it out on his own) provides a peace of mind in the off chance something did happen.

I understand both sides. I think the difference in my particular case is that BM is traveling by plane over 1600 miles away from their home. DH will have no idea where they are, or how to find/contact them if something were to happen to BM.

The other factor that's pretty key in my situation is that this is consistent violation of the custody order. Regardless of how BM or DH feel about privacy or the level of information the other parent needs, the CO requires each parent to provide the info 1 week prior when the kids will be away from their home overnight.

I don't think that clause is intended to chastise a parent for letting their child sleepover at a neighbor-friend's house, or stay the night with a babysitter. And DH would never pursue any type of charge/violation if that were the case. Even if he did, I doubt a judge would take it seriously.

Keep in mind too that every single time DH has taken the skids out of town, BM has adamently DEMANDED hotel information .. even when we're in HER hometown visiting the skids and staying at a hotel less than 5 miles away from her house. She actually threatened to deny DH's visitation if he didn't provide this info before (not that he ever refused - her threat was preemptive).

Thank you!

We are definitely past the point of continuing to ask for the information. It took 4 emails just get a flight number and time! DH requested the location of where they'd be staying yesterday morning. She hasn't replied. He only sent that last email so that BM couldn't claim she didn't know DH wanted the information.

DH's attorney is on board to file the motion to show cause for the violations. This most recent one just adds to the list. We'll be filing for the custody modification as well .. his lawyer has basically said that all we need to do is demonstrate we're asking for the information and she's denying it.

I'm just SOOOO sick of it .. I concede that up to this point there has been no real consequence to her. Partially because DH's lawyer is planning to file all of these violations at once .. she says our email trains clearly demonstrate we've exhausted every means to resolve these issues directly with BM and she does not cooperate. By waiting to file all at once instead of each one as they come, it shows that DH has even considered letting them go .. but when they start to pile up, it becomes an issue to be brought before the court. And also, the judges in our state prefer to deal with all the issues at once, not a new violation/comtempt charge every month. I just hope that the lawyer is right .. we're really relying on her to help us steer the way ..

The whole process is just exhausting

I agree. And I would even feel differently if DH had EVER given her a hard time about his travel arrangements. He gives her everything she asks for, usually before she even has a chance to ask for it. It seriously just shouldn't be that big of a deal!