I feel like im loosing it. Help Me.
Forums:
I just need to know im not alone.
I literally dread coming home at night. My DH and i almost never fight but when we do its ALWAYS about SD9. She doesn't listen to anyone, she dose what ever she wants when she wants and doesn't give two shits about anyone.
if you read my blog i explain it in more detail.
short version, i don't love her, at all. and i feel horrible for it. i try and try to find the good in her but all i do is pull out more bad.
i think i'm living the Satan's reincarnation.
I dont even know how i feel anymore. :?
Starting, what exactly are
Starting, what exactly are you fighting about? And is DH a disney dad who puts his daughter on a pedestial?
First thing first- stop being upset that you don't love her....
No, HD gets more frustrated
No, HD gets more frustrated then i do. The thing we fight about is that i want a action every time something doesn't happen. He doesn't see it that way. he feel like if have already punished her 3 times for the same thing this month, that isn't working, but he doesn't know what else to do so he doesn't want to deal with it.
our fights aren't really fights, its more like 'idk what to do' and i cry and reply is 'idk either'
Its not just that i don't love her, i feel like if i never saw her a again i wouldn't care, and that's not like me, i'm a very caring person. i am a big people person and a genuinely care about people and the issues they face. So to have someone living in my home who i am actively trying to build a connection with fail so miserably bothers me.
starting, I see! I just read
starting, I see! I just read yur blog and realised that your SD is a very difficult child with ADHD and other issues.
I think you need to stop beating yourself up and having this major guilt about what you should be feeling .
This child is not yours and you face a lot of challenges with her , so maybe it is time to reward yourself for all your hard work and simply for the fact that you endure the challenge every single day.
Having a step kid full time can be difficult as it is, but you have an even more tricky situation than many of us here.
When was the last time you rewarded yourself to something nice, a massage, a dinner with your friends etc?The gym?
It sounds as if all you do is to support DH with his child whereas he goes and earns the money.I don't think, regarding your feelings, that this is necessary the best solution and maybe some other care options can be found some afternoons so you get some space.After school care?A grandmother?
I encourage you to become a bit more "selfish" or better self- protective, you are a hero going through all this.
I am starting to feel like
I am starting to feel like that towards my SD. I think I love her, but I am not sure at times if is possible for me to love her. I think she is mean, evil, and devious, but there is another side and we try so hard for that side to come out instead. I don't know how to bond with her either. I am sorry you are going through this as well.