Having a hard time coping with my MIL's guilt trips when it comes to SS18

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Let me start by saying although I love my SS18, I despise his behavior. He is one of the most selfish, devious, lying, manipulative individuals I have ever ever known. He went to live with my MIL this past summer after getting drunk at school, showing his butt, and then being Baker Acted by his high school counselor. Apparently, SS18 had been having several heart to heart discussions with his "wonderful" BM who coached him on how to get himself thrown in the psych hospital so he wouldn't have to face the consequences of making bad grades on his report card.

Tonight's drama started when I returned my MIL's phone call. She had called me while I was on my way home from work after having a heated discussion with my DH. SS18 was supposed to be making payments for his psych hospital visit and has been missing payments. DH had called him to remind him as part of his punishment was to make him accountable for paying the bill he incurred pitching his temper tantrum while at school.

Apparently, she feels that I don't love SS18 and that I won't forgive him for the garbage he put my DH and I through during his latest escapade. Then she starts carping about how my DH and I aren't being supportive and that we feel everything is about money. "No, its about teaching SS18 personal responsibility. You know, being responsible for one's actions." She prattles on and on about how selfish my DH and I are being and then cries and cries.

I reminded her that I have been the sole breadwinner for our family for the last four years. That I had supported SS18 even though his BF and BM were responsible for providing for him. That I provided a roof over his head and provided every piece of clothing and all of his food for the last four years even though I was not responsible for doing so. My husband was disabled in an accident about six months into our marriage and is currently going to college for vocational retraining. The only time we hear from the BM is when she calls SS18 because she wanted stir up stuff in our house. That I have done without food, clothing, medical, and dental care because I have put my DH and SS18 before myself. After this she changes tactics saying that we are no longer family and that DH and I are on our own.

I feel bad now because it is obvious to me that SS18 has utterly destroyed my relationship with my MIL. I should have never allowed myself to open up to her because she used some of my past hurts as a weapon against me tonight. As for her, "yes, it is all about money because you are the one making it so."

I think you need to seriously

I think you need to seriously limit your communication with your MIL for your health and sanity. You have gone above and beyond, but it seems like nothing is ever going to satisfy her. In her mind, she is the protector of your SS, "the victim." I would let your DH deal with her, but tell him that he needs to be firm and not allow her to disparage you or act like a crying fool. If she continues, let her deal with your SS by herself.

My MIL is not as bad as yours, but she is very misguided. DH has 3 kids, well young adults (19, 20, 23). They have never had a good relationship with DH because they are incapable of being compassionate and loving, just like BM. They have been horrible to DH, MIL, and me. Their only wish is to get money from DH, and we do not have much. But, in their mind, he is supposed to support them. 2 have never worked, and one works part time. They are lazy, manipulative, and cruel.

My MIL knows all of this, but she thinks they will "wake up one day and be nice." But, in order for that to happen, she she feels DH should be handing them cash, even though they really have no kind of relationship with DH or her. EVERY freaking time we go over to her house, she has to bring them up, knowing that it just hurts DH. So, I have been avoiding her. I believe they may have contacted her, but I am not sure. If she wants to support them, fine, but we are not. Those days are over.

I find avoiding her refreshing! It is a shame, but I am not dealing with her. I have a mother of my own who off the wall, and a dad who has just become nasty, along with an evil stepmom. I do not need a crazy MIL in this mix. Neither do you.

It is time to take care of yourself and your DH.

It's ok to not love them.

It's ok to not love them. It's ok to wish them well but not want anything to do with them. He's 18. He doesn't get a free pass anymore. You are not responsible for his care and really never have been. Your generosity and kindness will never be fully appreciated. You need to now take care of yourself and disengage from these dysfunctional people and let them live their own lives.

Erase both SS and MIL from

Erase both SS and MIL from your life. Both sound like POS pods.

I did find her comment very

I did find her comment very demeaning. I find her endless carping about how DH should be sending SS18 money crass/rude because (1) she knows DH is unable to work at the present time and (2) it is a way to dig through "my pockets" without asking me how I if I even want to contribute to SS18's upkeep.

IMHO, I think that one of the greatest etiquette faux pas is to talk about your personal finances (how much you earn, how much is spent, etc...) outside your marital relationship. Honestly, there is nothing else I find more distasteful than discussing my personal finances with any one other than my DH. Personally, I would rather discuss STDs with my MIL than my salary, debt, etc... She just doesn't get it.

Not to mention it's none of

Not to mention it's none of her business.

WTF!!! My MIL just stooped to

WTF!!! My MIL just stooped to a new low by humiliating my DH & I in front of the family by "unfriending" us on Facebook because she is still angry with us due to the argument she had with my DH. My husband comes from an large family (his grandparents had 13 children) who are extremely close and use Facebook to communicate with each other. I am upset because I know how gossipy the women in his family are and how they will all be speculating on Facebook about what is going on. My DH on the other hand is absolutely enraged that she would do this. WTF is she trying to accomplish by doing this to us?