Why does it have to be like this?
We haven't had skids in four days. DH got to see them over the weekend as SD9 had sports tournaments, but they haven't been here in the house.
I've been sick for a couple weeks and those four days of uninterrupted rest and no skid irritation has me finally feeling almost back to normal. And since skids haven't been here I've not had a single bad feeling about DH. As usually, when we get a few days without them, I remember why I fell in love with him and why I married him.
The other night I got up from bed for a minute and when I came back DH was curled up on his side facing my spot on my (rather long) pillow. When he does shit like that in his sleep it makes me feel so cared about. He's told me before that before we got together he always wanted his own space when sleeping. With me, he always sleeps right smack next to me, as close as he can get.
Why do skids have to ruin that? I hate that I get so damned irritated with him when they are here. I hate that he lets them get away with murder and it takes that warm fuzzy 'in love' feeling away.
Ugh. Does anyone else feel like this?
Yep. All the time, if his
Yep. All the time, if his daughters are around. He somehow feels fine being affectionate when his son(10) is around, but with the daughters, it's almost like holding my hand will "hurt their little feelings". So, I feel like a second class citizen every time his daughters are around us. THEN, because they are so rude and mean to him, he gets snippy with ME after a visit. He tells me I should have TRIED harder to engage in conversation, etc. Well.... Sherlock - I don't like them. I have no desire to talk to them. I'd rather just exist and make them feel as uncomfortable as their lies and drama makes me feel.
YES, I definitely feel like
YES, I definitely feel like this. My BF has his two kids 50% of the time and so when we get our 5 days of time without them, I am in heaven. When they return, it is like being hit in the face with a bulldozer and I actually find myself wanting to avoid him and the home. He becomes almost unattractive to me and I know he can sense it by the comments he makes. He has a special needs son, 11, who will always be in diapers, cannot talk, and has been diagnosed with severe to profound mental retardation, and a daughter who does not have special needs. When he has them, all of his attention is on SS... bathing him, feeding him, changing his diaper, giving him medicine, etc.
To sum it up, I feel like I have not forgiven him for having kids with another woman. Although unreasonable, I take the fact that he has kids with someone else as a act against me (when clearly it wasn't). I know these feelings are wrong, but I cannot deny their existence.
Not.the.crazy.one, you are not alone!!!
i agree with you girl!!! And
i agree with you girl!!! And I don't think it's wrong of him to put you aside and take care of his special needs son, but I don't blame you for wanting to have attention from your husband. Honestly, I couldn't handle having a special needs child but that's just me. But bless you for being so open about it.
i totally know how you feel about not forgiving him for having kids with another woman. Men need to think about their future before having sex with and having kids with people. I also blame women who can't be anything less than selfish and bring children into this world who no one wanted in the first place.
My BF has his 2 kids half the time also, and I hate every minute of it. I hate that he knocked someone up from a one night stand and I hate that he felt like having a baby with his ex would "fix" their relationship.
It's so frustrating!
Thank you for your reply,
Thank you for your reply, Xtina, I am VERY thankful for this site because I am able to express my feelings here when I generally cannot b/c I will be judged. It is defnitely difficult being with someone with a special needs child who is so severe, and most of my friends also tell me that they could never do it.
Foxie, just because I am with someone with a special needs child, doesn't mean it doesn't bother me and get to me sometimes.... Just like most women on this site get bothered by the fact that their BF's have children in general. I understand that my BF is just being a good dad, which is why I do not complain to him about the time he spends with his special needs son (or his daughter), but each person can only give so many resources and when the SKs are around, there are not resources left for me... and for many times SD9. I can deal with it, but it doesn't mean it's ideal for me.
As stepparents we are often times forced to deal with negative feelings towards children. This concept, in and of itself, is likely contrary to anything we have felt before in our lives. Not only is this confusing, but also surprising. I had no idea I would ever feel this way. I thought I was a loving and accepting person... this situation has exposed feelings that I did not know existed. Many of us are on a crazy journey in which nothing is as we thought it would be or is even as it appears to the the outside world. When this happens it is going to affect our mental health. I am constantly trying to figure out my feelings, and strategize for the future, which is not only distracting, but also absolutely exhausting. Based on what I have read on this site and elsewhere, I am comforted by the fact that these feelings are VERY NORMAL. It is nice to know that I am not alone!
I used to feel like this too.
I used to feel like this too. Thank God that SD14 no longer has overnights at our place and what time DH does spend with her, well, she usually bails on him in favor of BM's boyfriend. I think it's perfectly normal to feel displaced, used, abused, neglected, jealous, angry or just plain anxious around skids. They invade your home, encroach on your time with DH and even if they're perfect angels, it's hard to get used to them being around (this is all my opinion of course).
Oh wait a second! DH doesn't
Oh wait a second! DH doesn't neglect me when skids are here. He's just as sweet as far as hugging me and such goes. He's just got his head in the sand as far as his kids behavior goes. He thinks they're too young to really listen and clean up after themselves, do chores, etc. That's what makes me angry at him.
Yes, all the time. SD9 and my
Yes, all the time. SD9 and my BS14, BD9 are all visiting with their "others" on the weekends. We call them "others" because it's easier to say than "BS is at his grandma's and BD9 is at her dad's house and SD9 is at her mother's house". Our relationship goes so much more smoothly on the weekends. As soon as SD9 returns on Sunday evening it's pure hell. SD is up her father's butt because she hasn't seen him all weekend.
inwayovermyhead... I struggle
inwayovermyhead...
I struggle with similar feelings of my SO having a kid with another woman. A lot of mine stems from the fact that she was conceived because BM told SO that she was taking BC pills (and would put them in her mouth in front of him and then spit them out when she could) and she got pregnant on purpose. If BM wasn't such a conniving selfish bitch then SD9 wouldn't even be there.
I agree!
I agree!
I can relate to that too...
I can relate to that too... BF says SD9 was an "accident" in that BM was on birth control!! Give me a break, birth control is 99.9% effective... odds are that she did it purposely. He did not want a second child with her, and she did want baby #2. SO DARN FRUSTRATING!
I feel like this completely.
I feel like this completely.
My life is so perfect and so complete when it's just the three of us. When SD12 comes over, I feel so umcomfortable and like I'm the odd one out in my own home. I hate that feeling. I told my husband that his previous marriage the hardest thing for me with our relationship.
I love him too much to let him go now though
At least I got the perfect life 90% of the time!
Maroma1984, I'm so jealous of
Maroma1984, I'm so jealous of the fact that you only have the SKs 10% of the time!! That sounds AMAZING!!! I agree that you should focus on the 90% of perfectness. Good for you!!!
I completely feel your pain!
I completely feel your pain! We have the skids 50% of the time and I cringe knowing when they are going to be here! My DH does the same thing...acts like they are angels and they do no wrong....he does not see it because they have always been that way and it is "normal" for them to fight with each other, back talk, disrespect, and act like they are still 2 & 5! They are 10 and 13!! When it is just us, it is HEAVEN!! When they are here, they are up his ass!! It's not like they only see DH once a month, they are here every week! Then I hate how they say and cry, "I do not want to go back to Mommy's"...BLAH BLAH BLAH!! He mopes for a day and feels guilty because he is "sending the back to Cunt"...Whatever!! I see right through them!!
Just the other night I come home from work (stopped at the store on the way home) at 7pm (DH is fixing a light) and there sits SD10 sitting in my chair in my living room on my laptop!!! I put everything away, went to the bedroom, changed my clothes and turned on the tv...DH comes in and says, Why are you ignoring me? I just say, I am tired...long day! WTF!! I just disengage had have for two year now. They are not pleasant to be around at all!! They remind me and look just like the BM and it turns my stomach! I tried in the beginning and they were fine, but once we all got comfortable with each other, their true colors came out! And I will not tolerate it and they know that...I do not converse with them on bit...they walk in this house and act like I do not exist which is fine by me...so do not sit in my chair, in my living room on my computer!!
I feel that DH even knows, at times, they are very consumming....he is a shift worker, and if he is not working he has the kids, so "our time" has to be made in advance and Cunt hates working around his work schedule, she "works" from home, with weekends off, he has no weekends off, but gets them one weekend when he is on 7-3 or 1107's just to shut her up!! BM has 14 days to do as it pleases, make the best of it!!
UGH....That felt good!!